A Beautiful Disaster
by The Skinny Love
Summary: She was trying to get lost. He was searching for a way out. She was broken. He was desperate. She was something that he never expected. He was something she couldn't live without. Finding each other was a beautiful disaster. season 1
1. The End?

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Kennedy White's character would have been played by Susan Coffey if she'd been a character in Lost because she was my inspiration for her. Rated M for some language, violence, and sexual content in later chapters. Mind you, there will be some events altered due to my OC being here. I know that this is a strange pairing, but I wanted to create something new. If you like, I'd appreciate a review. But if you don't like it, sorry guys. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>I was going home. Finally, after all I'd been put through. I wasn't one for flying, hated it in fact, but it was a small price to pay to get back to the States. I'd have a fresh start, a new life. I boarded Oceanic flight 815, my legs felt weak and wobbly as I walked through the aisle. Some people were already seated, others I had to manuever around as they placed their bags or luggage into the overhead compartments. I felt completely out of place in the first-class section. My gray tank top and faded jeans stuck out hideously against the suits and ties, dresses, and fancy blazers. An ugly duckling among swans.<p>

I'd planned on taking a seat in coach. _But of course, all the coach seats had been filled up._ The price of a first-class ticket set me back, I'd be lucky to afford a taxi cab when this plane landed. I'd have plenty of time to think about during the flight though.

When I came to my seat, I felt my stomach drop when realizing I had was next to the window. _Great._ _Could this get any worse? Maybe the captain's closet had extra space, enough for me?_ I was jerked out of my thoughts as someone rudely bumped past me.

"Sorry." A man with long, dirty blonde hair muttered in a grumbling tone. He kept walking until he took a seat three rows in front of me. _Obviously I'm not the only one having a shitty day._

The man couldn't be anymore insincere and it made me feel embarrassed. I looked to my feet, as my cheeks began to heat up. Looking to my feet when being overpowered by shyness or embarrassment was a silly quirk of mine since I was at least five. Fourteen years later, I hadn't been able to kick the awful habit.

I took a deep breath and sat down as well, not wanting to be in the way of anymore snobby assholes. I sat beside a middle-aged couple, tourists most likely. They greeted me with a smile and hello. I returned the simple greeting, only I had to force my smile.

The take off had me nervous, so did the turbulence. Needless to say, my bottom lip was pretty sore from me chewing it so much. The time seemed to go by too slowly. Seconds were dragging out twice as long as they should have. Once I calmed down (which took a good twenty minutes) I remembered my book that I was holding close to my stomach. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. I had to read it in my English II class my sophomore year of high school. I'd liked the book enough to ask for a copy from my teacher at the time. It wasn't until recently that this book held more meaning to me than I ever thought possible.

I'd read the tiny novel at least four times in six months. I started out on page one, instantly imagining myself a few miles south of Soledad close to the Salinas River. My mind quickly indulged itself in the book, a good way to distract myself from thinking about things of too much heaviness and importance.

An hour or two might have passed, though I wouldn't have been surprised if it had actually been thirty minutes. I was too anxious to read anymore, mostly about going home. It had been almost a year since I'd been back in L.A. . I remembered just five months ago when I called my parents to inform them that the school in Newcastle was releasing me because I was no longer qualified to attend. The reason for this was due to my life's worst tragedy that had occurred less than a week earlier.

My mother (who was on the receiving end of my call for the biggest junk of the conversation) was overjoyed that I had been freed from my "burden" as she called it. It saddened me, how happy she was, while I was in a state of heart-break.

It was last year, September 13th. I was celebrating my 18th birthday with a group of my friends. There was alcohol involved and with my first drinking experience also came the experience of losing my virginity to a boyfriend of two months. It hadn't been planned, it was one of those cliché's where it just happened. Eight or nine weeks later, I realized the cause for my six-days-late menstrual cycle. Yes, I was pregnant. Me, Kennedy White: straight A student, track star of my junior year, the girl who desperately tried to crawl out of her big sister's shadow. My parents were just as torn up as I was, if not worse.

I could never exceed my older sister, Megan, not in their eyes. And this "burden" might as well have written that fact in stone. My family had gained a good reputation with countless country clubs. They could be considered model citizens. How would it look if their youngest daughter became pregnant? Oh no, their rep couldn't afford that attention. Utter panic wrecked their lives for a good week or so until they found a solution to this little crisis. An all girls' school in Newcastle, Australia was a savior from their point of view. I was shipped out a few days later. The feelings of being torn out of my own life was the most memorable. I'm not exactly sure what my parents told our neighbors and their country club pals. They probably said that I was attending a top-academic undergraduate college, or something along those lines. Anything to hide their shame.

Then, seven months later . . .

_Stop it._

I sighed and cleared my mind of the whole affair. Thinking about it would bring the nightmares back. I kept my eyes on the rest of the plane, not once looking out the window. The woman beside me was taking a nap while her husband was reading a magazine.

_What now?_ I couldn't help but ask myself this. _What was going to come next?_

I'd just turned nineteen, no high school diploma (thanks to that damn school and its stupid rules). What happened was not my fault, though that pang of guilt had never truly faded. My family might as well have disowned me.

My train of thought was interrupted for the second time when a man walked briskly through the aisle with a train of flight attendants following him. I couldn't help the flutter that it set into my stomach. But I didn't have enough time for the panic of that to settle into me. Moments later, the plane jolted as if it had caught a rough patch of turbulence. Several people gasped at the sudden motion, a few were unshaken.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten-seat-belt sign. Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts." A woman voiced over the could be nothing, but my heart was pounding madly.

The woman beside me woke up from the jolting of the plane, her husband informed her to put on her seat belt. I hadn't taken mine off since I'd boarded.

Again, the plane shuddered, but this time it didn't stop. The cabin rattled and my seat vibrated recklessly. I closed my eyes and prayed that it would be over soon. I felt the plane lean sideways, now setting panic into the rest of the passengers. The nervous chatter had ceased as if everyone was waiting anxiously for this episode of fear to end.

Suddenly, my stomach was defying gravity as it seemed to float up into my chest just like when a roller coaster makes a sudden drop. People flew up and hit it ceiling along with some pieces of small luggage, then they came crashing back down onto the other passengers. The woman beside me was one of them, she landed on her back between her seat and her husband.

I heard crying and screaming, strain against the plane engines, the buzzing of the plane's alarm. The yellow, air-things that come out of the top of the plane came down. I was tempted to reach out for mine, but my body had frozen. I was terrified to let go of the arm rests.

_Don't look! God, don't look!_

My eyes disobeyed me, and glanced out the window. We were falling so fast, everything outside was a mere blur. Then, I heard a horrible screech of metal and steel ripping apart. A powerful blast of wind took my breath, sucking me flat to my seat. Bodies were ripped from their seats, flying towards the back of the plane. Their screams were drowned out by the harsh wind.

The overhead compartments opened, sending more luggage flying out into the cabin. I was in the midst of my panic and acknowledgement that I was about to die when I was struck my head. I didn't even see what it was. Everything went black. Black and silent.


	2. Death Cheated Me

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: If you have noticed any differences in the chapters, it's because I am doing a bit of editing and short of refreshing this story. I like the plot I have and it's not going to have many changes to it. I just wanted to add in more detail and make it a little more interesting and get the story across easier. My writing skills have improved so much since I started this story so I wanted to go back and fix it a bit. Rated M for some language, violence, and sexual content in later chapters.**

* * *

><p>Everything was black, everything.<p>

_Oh my god, I'm dead. It's all over. _

At first, I was afraid. I couldn't see anything. No heaven, no hell. Nothing. But then, I wasn't so afraid anymore. I was content, in fact. It was all over: the pain, the guilt, the tears, the nightmares. _All of it, gone._

But then there was a voice. One I had heard so many times before in those unending bad dreams.

_"Miss White, I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do." _A man said. I couldn't see him, I could only hear the dread in his somber voice._  
><em>

_"No." _I gasped_. I couldn't bear to hear it one more time. "No."_

_"It's a terrible loss, I know. But I need you to remain calm." _

_"No!" _I screamed as loud as I could._ "No! No!"_

I was screaming over the voice as it still tried to calm me, but I could hear it growing, merging into a different sound. I still tried to drowned it out, but it quickly became louder and louder. It sounded like a high-pitched screech or whistle combined with screaming. It was all one noise at first, but gradually turned into two separate ones._  
><em>

Suddenly, I was thrown into consciousness, screaming as I awoke. Long, red strands of my hair dangled in front of my face. My head was throbbing with pain, the smell of smoke burned my nose, the whistling sound of a plane engine made my ears ring. I could see the ground underneath me, my body floating above it, held to my seat by the belt. I was hanging almost upside down in the plane's cabin, or what was left of it. Screams of passengers could be heard from outside the wreckage.

I quickly felt around at the seat belt holding me in. I tried to unbuckle myself, but it seemed to be jammed by my weight straining against it. I was stuck. Panic was all that I could feel. I doubt my mind could function well enough for any kind of thought process. My eyes wandered around, though I had no idea what I was searching for. Then, I caught a figure in the corner of my vision. One empty seat away from me was the middle-aged man, still strapped into his seat. Motionless. Dead. I suddenly found my voice.

"Help!" I screamed as loud as I could, in fear of ending up like the man beside me. "Please! Please, help me!"

No one came. Their own cries of terror were easily overpowering mine. I tried to undo the belt myself, but my nervous, frantic fingers couldn't do it. I was breathing so hard that my head was throbbing vigorously now. Tears blurred and burned my eyes.

"Somebody! Please! Help!" I shouted as loud as I could, praying that somebody - anybody - would hear me. The smell of smoke was so strong, the idea of burning to death found its way into my tornado of thoughts.

Through the tears, I was looking through a ripped out section of the cabin wall. The light of day was bright, but I could make out tiny flames, black smoke, and people scattering and running in the distance. I continued to cry for help, but they seemed too far away to hear. Maybe they were too afraid for their own lives.

There was a moment of silence, barely half a second, like you sense just before a very loud sound. Then, a deafening _**boom **_shook my seat.

_Oh god, I'm dead!_

That explosion was so close, I expected to be engulfed in flames within a matter of seconds if not immediately. I continued to scream for help, but I knew it was in vain. I waited to die, still crying at the top of my lungs.

The large whole in the cabin was just feet away from where I was hanging, and here I was trapped. Suddenly, someone appeared just outside. It was a man, staggering a bit. My heart nearly exploded from the overwhelming relief.

"Help!" I had never screamed so loud. Ever.

I caught the man's attention. He turned to look in the cabin, but he didn't make an attempt to come closer.

"Please, help me! I'm stuck!" I pleaded.

_Please don't leave me here. Please! _

Seconds passed by, the man looked around as if someone else might come by and he would only have to be concerned with himself. I watched, waiting for him to walk away. But the second I convinced myself that I was on my own, the man climbed into the wreckage of the cabin.

_Oh my god, thank you!_

I was so hysterical, I couldn't contain the word vomit that escaped from my lips.

"I'm stuck. The belt. It. Get me out. I'm. I can't breathe. Help me." I thought I was babbling words along those lines, or it might have just been hyperventilated sobs.

"Okay, okay. The belt." He too was in a panic. He was just tall enough for his hands to reach the belt. His hands worked, trying to release me to no avail.

"Please, hurry." I cried.

"Damn it! I'm trying!" The man growled back. He was scared and frustrated, and I wasn't helping. I couldn't help it.

"I'm going to. Burn to death. Hurry. Please. I'm going-" I couldn't catch enough air to speak.

"Hey! Look at me!" The man shouted, grabbing my arms.

I looked to his scruffy face, his bluish green eyes stared directly into mine. I tried to make an effort to focus on him while I continued to gasp for air.

"You're not gonna burn, okay? I'm gonna get you out, but the belt is jammed by your weight. You gotta lift yourself off it." I could barely get a grip on what he was saying, but I understood what he meant.

I grabbed the back of my seat, pulling myself up as best as I could. I also brought my legs up, I thought it could help.

"I almost got it."

_Please, hurry._

Finally, the seat belt gave way and gravity pulled me down. My hero caught me in his arms, I wrapped mine around his neck for dear life.

"It's okay, I gotcha." His deep voiced whispered in my set me on my feet, took my hand, and quickly led me from the wreckage.

My shoeless feet sunk into what felt like sand as I walked. It wasn't until my eyes adjusted to the blinding light that I realized the plane had crashed onto a beach. People were running and screaming. A plane engine sat in the sand, still running.

_If I am dead, this is hell._

I couldn't get a grip on anything anymore, I could only cry. There too many bodies lying on the beach to count, there was a girl standing amongst them screaming over and over. I didn't understand what had happened. My head felt as if it was splitting open. I realized that I had come to a dead stop, my rescuer was gone. I looked through the chaos of people, but I couldn't find him.

Another man in a blue shirt ran up to me just as fast as the other had left.

"Do you have a pen?" He asked urgently. _A pen? What? Why . . .?_ All I could do was shake my head. He ran off to the next person he saw, asking the same question. It confused me. I thought for a second of why anyone would need a pen at a time like this.

Then, the sounds of cables snapping and metal bending shook me from my thoughts. I looked up to see one of the plane wings sitting upright. It was leaning, ready to fall. Underneath it was two people, one was a pregnant girl. My heart sank.

"Get her up! Get her out of there!" A man in a suit ran towards them screaming. He helped the pregnant girl to her feet and the three ran out of the wing's falling path just in time. The wing's impact caused a huge explosion, it blew me down into the sand. _If that man hadn't pulled me out of my seat, I would have been in that explosion.  
><em>

I laid there for a moment, unsure if the explosions were over. Finally, I decided to sit up. I was glad to see that I still had all my limbs attached. It took me a few seconds, but my wobbly legs managed to hold me up.A few minutes passed, the chaos seemed to die down. Still, people were panicking, searching for someone they knew, helping each other out of the debris. Some people were just walking, crying. Bodies remained were they had fallen on the beach. **Death**. It was one thing that I couldn't handle. Not after . . .

I walked away from the crash sight. I knew people probably still needed help, but I wasn't going to do them any good having a nervous breakdown. I started to look for the man who saved me. At the very least, I needed to thank him. As I walked, I felt the throbbing in my head worsen. I put my hand to my forehead, feeling a cut on the side. I pulled back a bloody palm. I hadn't realized I was bleeding, but it made me feel worse.

My legs were like jello, my body felt tingly. My vision was going black. I kept walking. Then, I couldn't walk anymore. I watched myself fall face-first into the sand.

I heard muffled sounds of people around me, talking to me and each other. I couldn't make out anything they said as I faded out of consciousness.

**xXx**

_"You're going to a private school in Australia until this mess is done and over with." My mother said to me. I fell back onto the living room sofa, shocked by her words. Her thin face showing not an ounce of compassion._

_"Mo-" I began.  
><em>

_"They take in girls with your . . . problem." She eyed me critically. I couldn't believe what she was saying to me, her own daughter. My teary eyes turned to my father for help, he turned away from me._

_"I-I'm your daughter. Why are you doing this to me?" I asked desperately, tears now flowing from my green eyes._

_"If you would have had more self-discipline, like Megan, you would not be in this mess. You knew the consequences of your actions, now you must live with them." My mother spoke as she stood up from the sofa across from me. She and my father left the room, leaving me alone with my pain. I looked down at my stomach that had a slight bump slowly emerging._

**xXx**

I woke up clutching my stomach, a few tears escaping. I found myself wrapped in a blanket, laying beside a fire. The sky was dark with stars dusting its canvas.

"How do you feel?" A man asked me, leaning close to me.

"I, uh, what happened?" I muttered.

"You must have hit your head in the crash. You had a concussion, but don't worry you're going to be okay." The man said softly, his hand on my shoulder. I looked into his green eyes lighting up by the flames. He seemed sincere.

"Where's . . . ?" I wanted to know where the man was who saved me, I didn't see him close by. I sat up, much too fast. A sharp pain hit my forehead and I winced. I reached up to where the pain was radiating and I felt the soft texture of a bandage.

"Hey, take it easy. Who are you looking for?" The man slowly pressed me back down.

"I was stuck in my seat. A man pulled me out before that big explosion happened." I explained, the memory still vivid. I still saw his eyes looking into mine, the panic I felt.

"Sounds like you were very lucky. What's your name?"

"Um, K-Kennedy. White." I had trouble thinking of my name, it made me a little embarrassed.

"Kennedy, I'm Jack." He gave me a hint of a comforting smile, I returned one weakly.

"And I'm Kate." A dark-haired woman added from the other side of Jack. "Glad to see you awake."

I nodded to her, feeling my head throb as I did so. I couldn't get that man out of my head. I had to find him.

I propped myself up on my elbow and looked around. There were several more fires set up around the beach, one was bigger than the rest. Survivors all huddled around them. There was no sign of the man who'd saved me. I felt so confused. _Had someone not come for us? _Surprisingly, that was the least of my concerns.

"Um, Jack?" My voice had a nervous, raspy sound.

"Yeah?" He looked to me, again with that same sincerity.

"I think I saw you with that pregnant girl. Is she okay?" I could hear the dread in my words, fearing anything but a positive reply.

"Yes. I checked on her earlier." Jack answered. He seemed so sure about it, but I was hesitant to believe him.

"How do you know?"

"I'm a doctor." He said simply, reassuring me with a smile.

"Oh." I felt as if I'd embarrassed myself, though I wasn't quite sure why.

Suddenly, there was a loud sound that came from the jungle. It was like an animal, but almost mechanical too. People gathered toward the tree line as a couple of palms tumbled and fell to the ground. Jack and Kate went. I followed them, but it took me a few seconds to find my balance. I froze as another tree fell.

"Did anybody see that?" The blonde, pregnant girl asked. _Definitely_, I said to myself.

"Yeah." A big, curly-haired guy answered her. As a few more of the trees came down, I started to feel sick. I was already terrified of the dark, something tearing down the trees in the jungle at night only made that fear worse. I stayed close behind Kate and Jack, feeling I'd be much safer with them.

"Terrific." A hooded man said sarcastically.


	3. First Impressions Are Deceiving

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Rated M for some language, violence, and sexual content in later chapters. Mind you, there will be some events altered due to my OC being here. Yes, this is probably one of the strangest pairings in of all Lost Fanfictions, but I wanted to do something new and this is what I liked. I hope you like this story and write a review, I'd be grateful. Also, I'm open to criticism, opinions, and any ideas that you may have. Just remember that criticism is to help out a writer, not to belittle him/her. Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this next chapter! :) By the way, the story has been told through Kennedy's POV (if anyone wasn't sure) so far, I will clearly inform the readers when and if there are any POV switches. **

* * *

><p>After the thing in the jungle seemed to be gone, it took a little while for people to settle back down. Jack told me to lay back down and get some rest. He didn't want me wandering around, afraid that I would hurt myself. I felt fine, but he just wanted to be sure.<p>

I laid myself back down in front of the fire, but I couldn't close my eyes. I was afraid to sleep, I didn't want to have anymore of those dreams, I was deathly afraid of the dark, and that thing out there only made things worse. I forced myself to calm down as best as I could. I started to think about that man who'd saved me. I wanted to find him and at least thank him. I hadn't seen him since that explosion, it worried me that something might have happened.

**xXx **

Sleep was impossible, it seemed that I wasn't the only one who had the same problem. How could anyone sleep after seeing something tear down trees like a foot stepping on grass. I might have dozed off for a couple minutes during the night, but I was awake for the better part of the night. Morning came, not fast enough though.

With the rising sun, many expected to see a rescue boat or at least someone. There was no one who had come for us. This made me anxious, but I was still more concerned with finding the man who'd saved me.

By this time, I was allowed to sit up, but Jack wouldn't let me do much more than that. I felt fine. At least he let me take the bandage off for a little while. It made me feel dumb having that thing plastered to my forehead.

Jack had left me to go watch for any ships or boats. I sat on the blanket I'd used to sleep on, poking at the dying fire with a thin stick. I listened quietly to the conversations of the other survivors. Most of them were about that thing in the jungle, others were about when rescue would finally arrive. Then, I started to wonder about my parents. _They would have noticed that I didn't call them like I said I was going to. They would notice, wouldn't they?_ The sad thing was that I wasn't very sure. The idea of it made me feel a bit lonely.

I looked to my bare feet, wiggling my toes as I did. _When did I lose my shoes?_

After a little while, Jack came back and gathered a couple things.

"Jack?" I called to him shyly.

"Kate and I are going to look for the cockpit." He answered without even turning his attention away from what he was doing.

"Do you need any help?" I offered, not that I'd be looking forward to going into the jungle after last night. I guess I did it because I didn't want to be alone.

"No, no. You stay here, you still need time to rest. You'll be okay to walk, but you're gonna be dizzy and I wouldn't want you to be in a place where you could fall and get hurt again." Jack said sincerely. He made me feel a little left out, but in a way I didn't mind. I'd probably just be in his way anyway. I nodded, showing him I understood. This would be a chance to look for that man.

I slowly worked my way into a standing position. Jack held my arm as I focused on gaining some balance. It made me feel a kind of embarrassed, I was like a child learning to walk. As he said, I was a little dizzy. Once he knew I was going to be okay, he let my arm go.

"You okay?" Jack asked, making sure it'd be all right while he was gone. I shyly looked at my feet and nodded. When he left I headed for the crowd of people, hoping I'd find my rescuer there.

Everyone was still talking about last night, describing what each person heard and what they thought the creature might be. I didn't want to hear about it, I'd actually like to forget it completely. Still, I hung around to see if I could catch the tiniest glimpse of _him_. He wasn't in the crowd. I looked around deserted parts of the wreckage, the smell of the dead bodies was almost unbearable.

I kept reminding myself of his description, that way I'd remember clearly if I saw him with the survivors . . . or maybe even the corpses littering the beach. _Blonde hair. Well no, not exactly blonde. Almost a dirty blonde/light brown. His eyes . . . it was dark in the cabin, but they looked bluish green to me. He had a bit of scruff not his face, I think. Pretty sure his shirt was long sleeved._

I didn't know how long I'd spent searching, but the sky had grown dark with clouds and I eventually heard the distant rumbles of thunder. Soon after, it began to rain. It was just a drizzle at first, but then it was pouring. My red hair was drenched in minutes, as well as my clothes. Everyone started scurrying for a shelter. People were crowded under a wing of the plane that was propped against the mid section, others took cover under an inflated raft. I loved the rain even though it was so cold my teeth were chattering.

I went all the way around the wreckage, to the other side of the plane's midsection. I was watching how the sand stuck to my wet feet when I came upon a cigarette. It had been lit at one time, but not for long because it was nearly a whole stick. I picked it up before it could get soaked by the rain, surprised that it was still fairly dry. _Now if only I had a lighter._

I wasn't a full-blown smoker. I'd just picked up the habit of an occasional smoke once in a while to help calm my nerves. I remember my first cigarette, it was right after I left the hospital and made it back to my dorm. I guess my last one would have been a few weeks ago. I was trying to kick the habit before I came back home, I would have hated for my family to discover I smoked on top of everything else I'd "_put them through_".

I closed the cigarette in my hand to protect it from the rain. I'd save it for later. The voice in my head would stop telling me how gross it was to smoke after a stranger. _This cigarette could have touched anyone's lips. You have no idea what their spit might contain. Eww!_ I tried my best to ignore that little voice, I didn't care. I almost died yesterday._ If I could survive the crash, surely I wasn't going to die from someone's abandoned cigarette._

"Gonna get sick." A deep voice startled me from my thoughts. I turned to the direction I thought it came from. Someone was taking shelter under a part of the mid section that had bended away from the plane, making an arch. It was dark underneath there and it was difficult to see the person. But I knew that voice.

"What?" I'd forgotten what he said.

"You're gonna get sick if you don't get outta the rain." He repeated. I could see the end of a cigarette wink in the dark.

I walked over until I was under his shelter. It was him. That long, dirty blonde hair dripping wet in his face. His eyes (it was too dark to see the color) watched me carefully. My stomach fluttered nervously as I approached him, my eyes tore from his and slowly went to my feet.

"Y' know, that wasn't an invitation." He muttered around the butt of his cigarette.

I looked up at him, his eyes still on me. It was a hint to leave if I'd ever heard one, so I started to walk back into the rain.

"And I wasn't telling ya to leave either." He added when I stepped back out into the rain. My feet stopped, my head was swirling with confusion. I turned around to face him, a puffy train of smoke passed from his lips.

_Okay, so . . . am I suppose to stay or go? _I wasn't sure if either choice was the right answer. Part of me just wanted to walk away, but I knew I had to talk to him. Against my better judgement, I moved back under the shelter of the torn plane exterior.

The man didn't offer to say anything else, only took another drag of his cigarette. I wasn't sure how to start. I was already so nervous, the cold was no longer the cause for my chattering teeth and shivers.

_Go on, Kennedy. Just say it. Thank you, that's it. Two words._

"Um," My voice was meek and raspy. This wasn't going to be easy. _Chill, Kennedy. Chill._ "You wouldn't happen to have a lighter?" I held up the abandoned cigarette I'd found. At this, the man seemed a bit surprised.

"You're a little young, ain't ya Red?" He asked.

"Red?" I quizzed.

"The hair." He nodded towards my drenched, burgundy

"I'm nineteen." I bit my lip, trying not to sound defensive.

I gained a doubtful laugh from the man as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a Zippo. He flicked it open and sparked up the flame, holding it out toward me. I put the filter to my lips and leaned the cigarette into the flame and inhaled it sharply. That first drag gave me a tiny rush, causing my head to throb a little.

"Nineteen." The man repeated with a chuckle. It upset me a little. People never believed me when I told them how old I was. Everyone told me I never looked a day over sixteen. It was a compliment that I'd grown to dislike.

That terrifying sound from last night echoed through the jungle, I thought my heart had jumped into my throat. Without even thinking, I stepped closer to the man who had saved me before. Both of us had our eyes focused on the trees that fell. Whatever that thing was made that same groaning/mechanical noise that rang in my ears.

"What is that thing?" I whispered, feeling terror take over me.

"I dunno. Maybe it's Kong." He answered blandly before taking another hit from his cigarette.

"That's not funny." My voice was barely audible now.

There was a silence between us and throughout the jungle. Apparently, whatever was there was gone. When I felt it was safe enough to breathe, I let out the breath I'd been holding and took a drag from my smoke. The man standing very close to me looked down to his arm. My eyes followed his and I realized I was holding onto his shirt sleeve. I quickly let go, my eyes instinctively going to my feet.

"Sorry."

"Damn, Red. You warm up fast, huh?" He chuckled, causing my heating cheeks to turn pink.

"My name's Kennedy." I'd built up the courage to look this man in the eye. It was strange to think about, considering that he was much older, but he was attractive in a way.

"Sawyer." His cigarette winked in the darkness again.

_Sawyer? Oh well, it beats Kennedy._

"Thank you, um . . Sawyer." I finally said after too much procrastination.

"For what?" The blonde asked, exhaling smoke.

"For yesterday. Not letting me burn to death and everything."

"Forget it." He responded quickly, flicking his cigarette into the sand. It seemed like he was being defensive about it, I couldn't imagine why.

"You saved my life. That's not something very easy to forget." I laughed a little.

"Well, I'd appreciate it if ya dropped it." Sawyer replied quick, his words even cut me.

I decided it was better to stay quiet after that, it seemed better not to annoy him. After all, he didn't look like the type to pull someone out of a wreckage. He looked like the type who'd watch you burn to death without having the decency to spit on you.

I wasn't expecting this from someone who had ran into, basically a ticking time bomb, to save my life and then act as if it was a bad thing. I guess first impressions can be pretty deceiving. I felt stupid just standing there. This Sawyer person made it clear that he wasn't interested in anything I had to say. I finished the cigarette until I was almost inhaling the filter, then I threw it into the sand and walked away.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

I watched her leave, involuntarily having a little bit of attitude as she walked. Nineteen. The number almost made me laugh again. She looked like a damn kid.

"Later, Red." I added after she was too far away to hear me.

I was surprised that she'd remembered me. She'd been so worked up yesterday that I almost expected her to go into shock. I couldn't bring myself to leave the kid there, strapped to a fucking seat. Still, the last thing I needed was for someone to think I was a damn hero around here. I just wanted her to forget about it.

_Oh well._

Maybe saving her had its own perks. Hell, she was cute to look at, at least. She was a bit shy, or a lot shy. But I noticed that little attitude of hers spark up for a second. I'd like to see her full-blown pissed at someone. _How much would it take get her all riled up?_


	4. A Complex Guy

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: So far, this story has had some pretty short chapters and everything is kind of going at a slow pace. But now, Kennedy has caught a glimpse of the person her hero really is. How is this going to affect how she views him now? And yes, I know that Kennedy is very young, but like I said, I wanted to do something different. It gives the story a nice little twist and I'm surprised that the people who wrote "Lost" didn't think of doing this. Anyways, hope you like this chapter. Don't forget to write a review if you like the story or if you have any advice or ideas you'd like to give me. Thanks, guys! :) **

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

I couldn't deny being a little disappointed, even a little hurt. I hadn't expected the man who'd saved me to act the way he did. It seemed like Sawyer, I don't know, regretted what he'd done yesterday. I didn't even know the guy, so I wasn't sure why he felt that way. It wasn't like I'd ever done anything to him.

_Just forget it, Kennedy. You said thank you to him, that's all you had to do._ The little voice in my head was right. I didn't have anymore reason to speak to Sawyer. I could just leave him alone and mind my own business until a rescue came in. Seemed easy enough.

Just as quickly as the rain had began to fall, it slowed and came to a stop all together. The air was humid the way it would be on a hot summer day, just after a light shower. The other survivors had come out of hiding from the downpour. They were going through the wreckage. I realized they were searching for their luggage and belongings when I saw some of them picking up suitcases and duffel bags. I hadn't even thought to look for mine.

_It'd be better to start now instead of waiting for someone to make off with my stuff, where it may be._

I wasn't sure where to begin. I didn't have anything with me in the cabin, with the exception of my book. I knew it must have been burned up in the explosion though. My suitcase could be anywhere though. I just started searching anywhere that I found other luggage. I looked under piles of scrap metal, even inside parts of the cabin. I didn't dare go near the fuselage, that was where the majority of the bodies were and I couldn't handle seeing them all.

So far, nothing.

I didn't know how long I spent in trying to find my suitcase. It was impossible to miss: it was an old style suitcase and its color was teal. It even had my name in bold, white letters.

After I'd went around the whole crash sight, my head started to throb out of irritation. Everything that I had now, everything important to me, and things that I never wanted any of these people to know, was in that suitcase.

If there was anywhere I didn't check, I went there. Still, nothing. I was so frustrated that I started to cry. This only made my head feel worse, so I sat down in the sand and held my face in my hands.

"Hey, you okay?" I looked up at the sound of a voice. A young guy with bright blue eyes was standing over me. I'd seen him yesterday somewhere, but I wasn't sure when exactly.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered, wiping my eyes.

"You don't look fine." There was a bit of a laugh in his response. He sat down beside me. I felt my shyness come over me again. The urge to look at my feet quickly took over.

"I just, um," I sniffled as I tried to find the right words. "I can't find my suitcase, and there's things in it that are important to me." Thinking about it made me cry worse. I bet I looked like an idiot. I felt the man wrap his arm around my shoulder. This gesture surprised me and my body instantly stiffened.

"It's okay." He whispered. It was strange, but comforting. "I'll help you look for it, okay."

"No, I can find it." I shook my head.

"Really, I wanna help." His eyes were very sincere, I couldn't say no to him. I smiled, careful to keep my mouth closed when I did. I was very insecure about my smile, which braces aided me in that part during junior high. Even with straight, pearly whites I made an effort to never show my teeth.

"It's one of those old suitcases. It's teal and it has my name on it." I explained to him.

"What is your name?" He asked curiously.

"Kennedy." I said, my eyes quickly going to my sand covered feet.

"My name's Boone. I'll be back when I find your stuff." He said before going off on his search. Nice to know there were a few people here that weren't so bad.

I got up, dried my eyes, and started to look some more. My attention was focused on people crowding around and there was a sort of commotion. As I walked closer, I heard arguing. When I could see the whole thing I found Sawyer and another man with dark skin and curly hair. It was obvious that they were having a disagreement. _High school all over again._

They were in each others face for a second, then the other man struck Sawyer in the jaw. I cringed, something about that made me feel weak at my stomach.

"Hey guys, come on." A black man objected (I was pretty sure his name was Michael, or Mike. Maybe his son's name was Michael and his was Walt. Dammit, I wasn't entirely sure).

Ignoring him, Sawyer kicked the other in the side. Then, he tried to throw a second hit, but he missed and was hit hard in the stomach. When he doubled over, I felt the nauseous feeling worsen. _Please stop. Please stop._ I was worried that Sawyer was going to get hurt, despite the fact he'd acted like an ass earlier. _Maybe his attitude was what caused this fight in the first place._

More people crowded around to see what all the excitement was about. Sawyer was on top of the other man now, but my eyes averted to Jack rushing to the scene.

"Hey, break it up. Break it up!" Jack came to play referee, pulling Sawyer off the other. Like children, they held onto each other, not ready to end the fight until one stopped breathing. Michael (I think) grabbed Sawyer's foe and tried to help Jack pull them apart.

"Come on, let go." He urged. The other guy (I assumed he was Iranian maybe) was holding onto Sawyer's pants leg.

"It's over! That's it!" Jack yelled, finally yanking the two apart. I didn't feel so worried anymore, it was beginning to be amusing.

"I'm sick of this redneck!." The dark skinned man said with a middle-eastern accent.

"You want some more of me, boy!" Sawyer taunted as Jack tried to keep him under control.

"Tell everyone what you told me! Tell them that I crashed the plane, go on! Tell them I made the plane crash!" The other man shouted.

"The shoe fits, buddy!" The dirty blonde fighter spat. The middle-east guy responded in a foreign language and it founded like he was calling Sawyer a few bad names.

"What is going on?" Jack demanded.

"Look, my kid found these in the jungle." Michael handed him a pair of handcuffs. _What the hell?_ Despite the humid air and the now blazing sun, a cold chill ran down my spine.

"And this guy was sitting in the back row of business class the whole flight, never got up." Sawyer pointed to the dark skinned man. "Hands folded underneath a blanket. And for some reason, just pointing this out, the guy I saw next to him didn't make it."

"Thank you so much for observing my behavior."

"You don't think I saw them pull you out of line before we boarded?" The two started again, Jack and the black man were the only things keeping them from beating the hell out of each other. "Come on, bring it!"

"Stop!" All eyes turned to Kate and the fight instantly cooled down. "We found the transceiver, but it's not working. Can anybody help?"

"Yes." The dark man spoke up. "I might be able to."

"Oh, great! Perfect! Let's trust this guy!" Sawyer yelled sarcastically.

"Hey, we're all in this together man. Let's treat each other with a little respect." A big, curly-haired man said, trying to help cool things down.

"Shut up, Lardo!" The angry blonde spat. A few people made it known that they didn't appreciate his comment. I couldn't blame them.

_Jesus, what was the point in getting so worked up and taking it out on people who did nothing to him?  
><em>

**{Sawyer's POV}**

"Hey, give it a break." The uptight prick warned, getting in my face. I eyed him, ready to give him a good right hook in the jaw. But something caught my eye behind him. It was a certain little red head walking away. I decided to let it go.

"Whatever you say, doc. You're the hero." I said, walking off. I'd save it for another time.

Most of the crowd dispersed when they realized the good part was over. I watched the girl walk a short distance before she sat down in the sand. I took a cigarette from the pack in my pocket and quickly lit it, trying to calm myself down. I could have hurt that guy if I wanted, but with her watching I thought I'd keep the show PG-13.

"Enjoy the fight?" I stopped just being her, holding the pack of smokes out to her if she wanted one. _She really didn't look like the type that smoked._

Her green eyes looked up to me, she seemed caught off guard for a second. She lowered her gaze to the smokes and took one.

"Almost as much as you did." She muttered sarcastically. After lighting her cigarette she took a long inhale and then let it out, she seemed to be a million miles away for a minute. "What you said was mean." Kennedy finally said, but her eyes were directed toward the ocean.

"Eh, Tubby will get over it." I laughed, not thinking anything of it.

"He has feelings." The girl looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes had this funny expression of _"You're an asshole"._

"Listen, kid. This is survival, feelings don't matter." I told her with a stern voice. She watched me, once again appearing deep in thought. Then, she turned her gaze back to the waves crashing onto the beach. She blinked a couple of times and nodded like a typical girl does when she has nothing else to say.

Kennedy took a second hit from the cancer stick and threw it down next to my shoe as she jumped up and walked away. She was cute when she was upset, but she was also weak. She was the type that was walked on, thrown to the side. It was going to take more than a couple of rude comments to piss her off. They were things were looking as far as rescue goes, I'd have plenty of time to get under her skin.

**xXx**

**{Kennedy's POV}**

I spent some more time looking for my suitcase, no such luck of finding it though. Boone had came to check on me a few times, he wasn't having any luck with it either. Still, it was nice having someone that wanted to help me. Kate came to me and said she was going to clean up down at a less crowded part of the beach, she asked if I'd keep a watch out for any peeping toms.

As she cleaned herself in the ocean, I took the time to think. Jack and Kate were suppose to be going after the cockpit alone, and yet when they returned I saw another person with them. It made me wonder if Jack had told me to stay on the beach to keep me out of his way. My feelings were hurt very easily, and this time was no exception. I tried to convince myself that I was just being a cry baby.

_Maybe Jack wasn't trying to shoot you down. Maybe he really thought you'd get hurt._

I wanted to stop thinking about it. While Kate was washing her hair out, I was getting concerned about my own hygiene. I had no clothes, my body wash and shampoo, all of that was in my suitcase. _I'd hate to imagine how this could get worse._

As Kate was finishing, an Asian woman came over to us and was saying something in her native language. I had no clue what she was saying, but Kate must have gotten a hint. She put on an orange shirt and a pair of pants and went to the man Sawyer had the scrap with. I quickly learned that his name was Sayid.

"Is it working?" Kate asked, looking at the transceiver in the man's hands.

"It seems to be, except we're not picking up a signal." He answered.

"Why do we need to pick up a signal? Aren't we trying to send one?" Kate questioned. I listened to them carefully, but it was all jibberish to me.

"Yes, but what you want to see here is little bars. The bars would show the radio is getting reception."

"We need the bars?" She asked.

"We could broadcast blind. Hope that someone - maybe a ship somewhere - picks up our distress call, but that would be a waste of the battery." Sayid explained. "Which might not last long." He added.

The look on Kate's face was full of disappointment. I should have been concerned than I really was. Maybe the situation hadn't sunk in yet, I don't know.

"There is one thing we could try." Sayid suggested.

"What?" She asked hopeful.

"Seeing if we could get a signal from high ground." The middle-eastern man answered.

"How high?"

Sayid's eyes led us to turn around and see a very big mountain, with very jagged edges. Just looking at it gave me a sick feeling. _He couldn't be serious_.

**xXx**

Kate decided that she was going, now she just had to break the news to Jack. I followed her, beginning to get the feeling of being a lost puppy. The doc was with the man with the shrapnel sticking out of his side, still unconscious.

"How is he?" Kate asked. She'd been pretty concerned about his condition. "Can you do anything?"

"Pull out the shrapnel." Jack answered gloomily.

"But you said yesterday, if you take it out-"

"I know, but that was yesterday. I was hoping he's be at a hospital by now." He interrupted, obviously stressed about the situation. "If I leave him like this, he'll be dead within a day. If I open him up, if I can control the bleeding, and if he doesn't go into sepsis, and if I can find some antibiotics, he might be all right."

Kate took a few steps toward Jack, they were nervous steps.

"We're going on a hike." She said. Jack quickly turned around, not expecting her words.

"Sorry?"

"Sayid fixed the transceiver, but we can't use it. Not from here." She explained. Jack was already shaking his head no.

"Kate-"

"You're the one who said we need to send out a signal." She interrupted.

"Look, you saw what that thing did to the pilot." Jack whispered, but I could still hear him. _That thing? As in that thing tearing down trees last night? What did it do to the pilot?_ They'd failed to mention anything about it when they came back. I guess it would be better not having other people know and get scared, but I was getting dizzy with fear.

"Yeah, I did." Kate nodded. "What makes you think we're any safer here than we are in the jungle?" She questioned, raising a good point. Jack couldn't say anything to make her change her mind and he knew it.

"Wait for me. I don't know how long-"

"Sayid said the battery won't last."

"Alright." Jack surrendered. "If you see or hear anything - anything - run."

"We'll be careful." Kate assured the doctor, but he still seemed wary.

"You're going too?" He turned his attention to me. The idea wasn't appealing to me after the conversation I'd just witnessed. Though for some reason, I had an annoying need to not be left out again.

"I thought about it." I admitted shyly.

"Kennedy, I don't know if that's such a good idea. How have you been feeling today?" Jack insisted. I felt like a child being told what to do.

"I feel fine." It was half true. My head hadn't hurt much in a while and my brain function seemed to be normal.

"She'll be okay, Jack." Kate added with an assuring smile. At least someone was looking out for me.

**xXx**

Kate, Sayid, and I were getting ready on the beach to go on the dreaded hike up the , they were the ones getting ready. I had nothing to pack, no appropriate hiking clothes. And I was not about to loot shoes from one of the bodies, I couldn't handle that. I was scared, very scared. But I was tired of standing around being useless.

"I'm coming with you." A female's voice said from behind us as we started walking. We turned around. It was Boone's sister, Shannon. I had seen her a few times, she seemed a little spoiled to me. Not the type to want to go on a hike.

"She's not going." Boone caught up with her. They were obviously having a fight. They started arguing, I couldn't even make out what they were saying. "She makes really bad decisions to upset her family, which at the moment, is me."

"Shut up and stop trying to be charming." Shannon stared at him with hateful eyes. She turned to Kate. "I'm coming with you."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Kate admitted, only thinking of everyone's best interests.

"What are you, two years older than me? Please!"

You'd think from seeing me standing there that age wasn't the question. Out of nowhere, a scruffy man with long, blonde bangs comes walking up to us randomly and smiling. He was the same one that had went with Kate and Jack earlier.

"You're going, aren't you?" Shannon demanded as he stopped next to her.

"Yeah, are you?" The man answered.

"Yep." Shannon turned, looking around at us as if trying to prove something.

"Yep, I'm definitely going." The man smiled.

"Look, everybody can come, but we're leaving now." Kate got things under control and we started walking again. Shannon, Boone, and the little blonde guy followed suit. It made me more comfortable to have more people going with us, and surely if Shannon could go on this hike I could too.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

I looked up from the letter I was reading, something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I watched six people walking toward the jungle. Red with one of them.

_ What in the hell was she thinking going off into that death trap?_ _She had no business going with those Indiana Jones wannabes, they'd get her killed._

She was weak, fragile even. I could picture her dropping like a fly in the heat, they'd all just leave her to fend for herself. I couldn't let that happen, now could I? I had already taken role as her personal Superman, I was in too deep to call-it-quits now.

**xXx**

**{Kennedy's POV}**

We'd walked for a few minutes through the jungle. So far, so good. No sign of any large, tree crushing creatures. Then, a familiar man with long, whispy hair walked past me as well as Sayid and Kate. _What the hell was he doing here?_

My first guess was that he was trying to piss Sayid off, after their disagreement before. Surely, he wouldn't go through so much trouble as to go hiking up a huge mountain. _Would he?_ I was beginning to think that he came just because I did, just to spite me. _You sound like an idiot, Sawyer has no interest in you._

"You decided to join us." Kate sighed sarcastically. She didn't seem too thrilled.

"I'm a complex guy, sweetheart." Sawyer replied, making sure he was a few strides ahead of all of us. I watched Kate's jaw tighten as if she were fighting nasty words back.

We continued our trek, I was surprisingly holding up okay. No more mouth out of Sawyer, no whines from Shannon. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. I realized that I'd spoken way too soon when we came to the part of your adventure where we had to start going up. Climbing wasn't one of my best skills. As a kid, I was inside learning to play the piano and violin instead of out climbing trees and playing in the dirt.

The cherry on top was that we were going up a loose-soil incline. Nothing to hold onto except for exposed tree roots. _What in the hell have I gotten myself into?_ I asked myself this at least a dozen times while I attempted to crawl up the steep, unstable side of the mountain. I noticed Sawyer was behind me. Close behind me. I was taking my time and being careful, I thought he'd get impatient and go around me, but he didn't. I tried not to think about it, I wanted to stay focused on what I was doing.

I grabbed a weak root and it snapped when I tried to pull myself forward. My bare feet slid along the loose dirt and mud for a second, I was in a panic and couldn't think of how to stop myself. Suddenly, a hand caught my leg and held it still. I looked behind me shyly. A flash of heat blanketed my face when Sawyer's eyes met mine. I was too winded by it all to read his expression.

"You okay?" Kate called down to me and I quickly turned my attention to her.

"Mhm." I hummed briskly. I kept climbing, wanting to melt the awkwardness that froze my thoughts.

We came to a steep angle of the mountain. My heart was pounding, rattling against my rib cage. _There's no way I'm getting up there_, I thought as Kate maneuvered effortlessly up the death-trap obstacle. I could only describe the feeling I had as gut-wrenching. We'd made too much distance between us and the beach for me to turn around. I wouldn't get back before dark. I had to do it.

I tried to mimic Kate's actions and get a sort of running go at the roots on the ledge above. Either I didn't get enough momentum or I was just too short, I came sliding back down. Again, I felt Sawyer's hand on my leg, preventing me from sliding further. _Just don't think about it._ Then, his hand went to my thigh, just below my butt. I will never be able to explain just how badly I thought I was going to explode from embarrassment. I also couldn't explain why Sawyer made me so nervous. _Calm down, Kennedy. Focus on what you're doing_.

I regained my focus and tried again, I felt Sawyer's hand pushing me as I made my second attempt. This time, I succeeded in grabbing a thick root. I had a good hold and was making my way up onto the ledge, but Sawyer's hand never left contact with me until I'd made it the whole way. The voice in my head tried to convince me that he'd only done it so I wouldn't slip or lose my balance and topple him and anyone else in the way. _That's possible, right?_ Once Sawyer had made it himself, and Sayid helped the rest, and we continued onward.

Finally, we'd found flat land. It was a grassland, literally. At first, I was glad there were no more hills and mountains. Then, my bad luck convinced me otherwise. The grass was taller than me, the blades making small cuts on my feet when I stepped on them. _That's what I get for going barefoot._

I was tired, hot, and my head was throbbing again. It was starting to make me feel sick, but I didn't want to seem weak by asking to take a break. I wasn't about to let Kate regret bringing me along. I kept going, but I fell behind (to the very back to the group to be precise). Sawyer had somehow drifted back and was walking beside me.

I tried to ignore him, I really did. He made it difficult when I caught him glancing at me from the corner of his eye every few minutes. The farther we walked, I felt that it was harder to breathe, I thought my head was going to split in two. If I didn't vomit, I just might pass out. I could see Sawyer turn and look at me. I was a little more concerned with myself, but I almost saw sympathy in his eyes.

"Okay. Wide, open space! We should check the radio, see if we're good." Sawyer called up to the others. _What the hell?_

"We're not going to have any reception here." Sayid refused.

"Just try it." The man beside me urged. _God, what was he doing?_

"I don't want to waste the battery." Sayid replied a second time.

"I'm not asking ya to keep it on all day." He persisted. I wasn't sure why he was acting this way when he'd been completely content this whole time.

"We're still blocked by the mountain." The Iranian still refused to listen.

"Just check the damn radio!" Sawyer shouted, seeming very determined to make the group stop. I really hoped he wasn't doing this because of me.

"If I just check, we might not have any juice left when we get to-" Sayid began to yell back.

He cut off by a loud, sound that resembled a roar. It silenced everyone. In the distance we could hear rustling and short growling noises. Something was coming toward us.

"My God." Shannon said under her breath.

"What the hell's that?" Boone asked, not to anyone particular.

"Something's coming." Kate answered. Everyone's eyes on the moving grass blades ahead.

"It's coming towards us, I think." Charlie muttered as the thing approached faster. Fear was building up in my throat, like vomit. Maybe it was real vomit.

"Come on, let's move." Kate said as she made her way back through the grass. Charlie and Sayid were close behind her.

"I shouldn't have come on the hike!" Shannon screamed as Boone dragged her with him. I started to run, instantly feeling like the Energizer bunny, but I saw that Sawyer wasn't moving.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled, going back to him. I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him with me. It was a very sad attempt. As the thing got closer to us, Sawyer grabbed me and pulled me behind him as he withdrew a gun and aimed it. He started shooting at whatever was in front of us, my eyes stayed tightly closed. I grabbed his free hand and held on for dear life, believing that I was about to die.

The roars of the thing came closer and closer until finally something hit the ground so hard that I felt it quake. The shooting had ceased, but my ears were still ringing. I felt Sawyer relax his muscles and I took that as I sign that we were okay. I stepped out from behind the him to see a white, fluffy mass laying on the ground just several feet away. It was making weak, whining sounds. The others came back, moving cautiously.

"That's, that's a big bear." Shannon stated.

"You think that's what killed the pilot?" Boone asked.

"No. No, that's a teeny, tiny version compared to that." Charlie answered.

"Guys, this isn't just a bear. It's a polar bear." Kate said. I felt Sawyer squeeze my hand, which I'd forgotten was holding his, and I quickly let go.


	5. False Hope

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: I hope everyone liked the last chapter, I loved it! So, maybe Sawyer isn't such an ass, or is he? He seems to be protective over Kennedy, but is willing to risk his asshole reputation to keep her safe? And why does he want to protect her? What does he know about Kennedy that no one else does? Well, I hope you are happy with this next chapter. By the way, this sign - xXx means that the story is going to a different scene or skipping time. I hope this makes everything less confusing. Also, don't forget to review. Thank you so much, guys! :)  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

I was still standing by Sawyer's side, trembling. Boone was examining the bear which had finally ceased to breathe or move.

"That can't be a polar bear." He said standing up.

"It's a polar bear." Kate and Sayid said in unison.

"Wait a minute. Polar bears don't usually live in the jungle." Shannon pointed out.

"Spot on." Charlie commented sarcastically.

"No, polar bears don't live near this far south." Sayid agreed. I could hear every word though they were slightly muffled by the distant ringing in my ears.

"This one does." said Boone. Sawyer moved from my side. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or upset that he did.

"Did." He corrected the younger man. "It did."

Kate turned to him.

"Where did that come from?" She asked.

"Probably Bear Village. How the hell do I know?" Sawyer answered with a smart-ass answer.

"Not the bear, the gun."

Everyone seemed to focus on that little detail. I couldn't help getting that same, questioning feeling. _What was he doing with a gun? Why did he bring it? More importantly how did he get it?  
><em>

"I got it off one of the bodies." He answered stiffly.

"One of the bodies?" Sayid questioned.

"Yes, one of the bodies."

"People don't carry guns on planes." Shannon stated.

"They do if they're a U.S. Martial, sweet cheeks." Sawyer corrected. "There was one on the plane."

"How do you know that?" Kate asked. She almost seemed defensive about it.

"I saw a guy lying there with an ankle holster. So, I took the gun, thought it might come in handy. Guess what, I just shot a bear." Sawyer pointed out with a hint of disbelief from his own words. He made a good point, but I couldn't just brush off the subject that had started this.

"So why do you think he was a Martial?" Kate continued to interrogate him.

"Because he had a clip-on badge." He held up a Martial badge as proof. "I took that too, thought it was cool."

I wasn't sure if I believed him or not. _When I thought Sawyer couldn't get any more confusing, he pulls out a gun._

"I know who you are." Sayid said to him. "You're the prisoner." That sick feeling was coming back.

"I'm the what?"

"You found a gun on a U.S. Martial? Yes, I believe you did. You knew where it was because you were the one he was bringing back to the States." Sayid said confidently. "Those handcuffs were on you. That's how you knew there was a gun."

"Piss off!" Sawyer spat.

"That's who are you, you son of a bitch."

"Be as suspicious of me as I am of you."

"But you are the prisoner." Sayid stated.

"Fine! I'm the criminal, but you're the terrorist." Sawyer countered. "We can all play a part. Who you wanna be?" He turned to Shannon.

Suddenly, Kate pushed Sawyer away and took his gun while he was off guard. A feeling of dread kicked me in the stomach. Now, everyone was staring at her. I noticed how quick they were ready to gasp and point the finger to whoever had the gun.

"Does anybody know how to use a gun?" She asked, aiming at Sawyer. I swallowed dryly several times. _Was she going to shoot him?_

"I think you just pull the trigger." Charlie answered. _Jesus, don't say that!_

"Don't use the gun." Sayid urged.

"I want to take it apart." Kate restated. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until I sighed heavily. I felt a sense of relief, but my body was still trembling with anxiety.

"There's a button on the grip. Push that and it should eject the magazine." Sayid explained carefully. Kate did as he said and the magazine fell to the ground. "There's still a round in the chamber."

Hearing this, she aimed the gun back at Sawyer, as if she was thinking about using it on him.

"Hold the grip, pull the top part of the gun." The Iranian instructed. Again, Kate did as he said. She picked up the bullet off the ground and gave it to him. Then, she handed the empty gun back to Sawyer. He whispered something to her and she said something back, but I couldn't make it out. They walked away from each other.

"Let's take a minute to calm down." Sayid suggested. Sawyer walked off by himself. I wasn't going to resist the urge I had to follow him. _God, I'm crazy._ I walked a short distance through the brush and found Sawyer's back to me.

"Why did you do that?" I asked when I approached him. I couldn't keep my voice from shaking. He turned to face me.

"Did you wanna get mauled by the bear?" He asked sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant. Why did you want him to stop so badly?" I demanded, in a voice too calm for my current emotions.

"You already know why, Red. So don't bother asking." Was his short reply as his lips curved into a smirk.

"Then, can I know about the gun?" I didn't even know what I was saying. _Where did that come from?_

I watched Sawyer's eyes narrow, but he was still wearing that cunning little smirk of his. Sawyer wasn't going to admit anything to me, I should have known that. I turned and went right back to the others.

**xXx**

We were on the move once more. We'd left the grassland and were ascending the mountain again. There was a very awkward silence that no body wanted to break. Sawyer was walked beside me, but never looked at me. It gave me an odd, empty feeling. I noticed that he looked back, I did too, seeing Sayid pull out the transceiver.

"Oh! Now's a good time to check the radio. Not before, but now." Sawyer said sarcastically and loud enough to annoy everyone.

"We're up higher." Sayid explained.

"Yes, we are." The man beside me confirmed smartly.

"Hey! We've got a bar!" Sayid called out. We all quickly gathered around him, forming a circle. "Mayday mayday" He spoke into the transceiver, but all that responded was a high pitched noise.

"What is that?" Kate asked curiously.

"Feedback."

"Feedback from what? What would do that?"

"I don't know." Sayid answered, unsure.

"I'll tell ya what would do that, this guy not fixing the radio. The thing doesn't even work." Sawyer commented rudely. More high pitched sounds followed.

"No, no, no. It's not broken. We can't transmit because thing else is already transmitting." Sayid replied somberly. I noticed how quickly his excitement had faded.

"Transmitting from where?"

"What?" Shannon smiled widely.

"Some where close, the signal's strong." Sayid answered.

"Some where close? You mean on the island? That's great!"

"Maybe it's other survivors." Boone suggested gloomily.

"From our plane? How would that even-" Shannon began, but was quickly interrupted.

"What kind of transmission is it?" Sawyer asked, suddenly interested.

"It could be a sat-phone, maybe a radio somewhere."

"Can we listen to it?" Kate asked impatiently.

"Let me get the frequency first. Hold on." Sayid worked with the radio.

"There's no transmission." Sawyer said as he walked off.

"Shut up!"

"The rescue party, it has to be." Charlie said, his eyes full of hope. I couldn't understand what made Sawyer so sure that there was nothing on the radio. _Maybe he's afraid of false hope. Maybe he hopes that it isn't anything because he doesn't want to leave. Why would he if he had to return to the life of a prisoner? It made sense. Wait. __Did I believe Sayid was right?_

Suddenly, a foreign, female voice came from the radio.

"The French! The French are coming! I've never been so happy, they're the French!" Charlie exclaimed with a wide grin. Sayid laughed happily. For a second, there was relief. I felt the excitement, but I didn't share the enthusiasm. I didn't know why.

"What's she saying?" Kate demanded.

"Does anyone speak French?"

"She does." Boone pointed at his sister. Shannon's eyes grew wide.

"No, I don't. What?"

"What the hell are you talking about? You spent a year in Paris!" Boone brought to her attention.

"Drinking, not studying."

Numbers were named off by a deep, man voice.

"Okay. What's that?" The happiness faded from Charlie's face.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no." Sayid said to the transceiver.

"No what?" Kate asked, her impatience growing.

"The batteries are dying!"

"How much time do we have?"

"Not much."

Everything was going chaotic again. Boone was trying to get Shannon to translate what was being said over the transceiver, but she kept crying. Sayid, Kate, and Charlie were panicking about the radio. Finally, everyone managed to talk Boone's sister into trying. She said that the French woman was repeating. Sayid was whispering to himself, I think. I could barely understand him.

"Does anyone know what the hell he's talking about?" Sawyer groaned impatiently.

"It's a running count of the number of times the message has been repeated!" Sayid answered restlessly. His eyes closed as if he was doing harsh number crunching in his head. "It's roughly thirty seconds long so . . ." He was whispering to himself so low that I couldn't hear.

"Don't forget to carry the one, chief."

"She's saying, _please. _She's saying, _please help me . . . please come get me._" Shannon said, finally making an effort to decipher the woman's message.

"Or she's not! You don't even speak French!" Sawyer shouted.

"Let her listen!" Kate growled back at him.

"Shut up, man!"

"Guys the battery." Charlie whispered. I drowned out everyone's voices and listened to the one on the transceiver. Coming from a family with high expectations, learning French was inevitable. Thankfully, Boone had put Shannon in the spotlight, I wouldn't have been able to function with that pressure.

"_I'm alone now, I'm on the island alone. Please, someone come. They others, they're . . ._" Shannon paused as did the French voice.

_They're dead._ My throat was instantly dry. Shannon repeated what I'd just heard. The light wind seemed much colder, and I didn't want to listen anymore.

"It killed them. It killed them all." The message ended.

What was once hopeful, was now gloomy.

"Sixteen years." Sayid uttered.

"What?"

"Sixteen years and five months. That's the count." Sayid repeated

"What the hell are you talking about?" Boone asked, clueless.

"The iterations. It's a distress call, a plea for help, a mayday. If the count is right, the message has been playing over and over for sixteen years." The Iranian said in a depressed tone.

"Someone else was stranded here?" Boone guessed.

"Maybe they came for them." Kate tried to lighten the situation.

"If someone came, why is it still playing?" Sawyer questioned.

An eerie silence fell over us and all hope seemed far away.

"Guys, " Charlie finally said. "Where are we?"

**xXx**

Finally, we were heading back to the beach. Though most of the group was now in dampened spirits, I was only concerned with getting back to camp. It was getting late, and the clouds overhead made for a gloomy mood.

"It's getting dark." Boone said, the first to speak in a while. It worried me. I didn't want to be out here in the dark, and the idea of that thing lurking around didn't help.

"Pick up the pace." Sawyer grumbled.

"Dick." Boone muttered under his breath.

"Little louder?" The blonde man taunted, trying to start more trouble.

"We should make camp." Sayid suggested.

"What, here?" Shannon asked nervously. I was glad to know I wasn't the only one nervous about staying out after dark.

"Yes, here." Sayid tossed his bag down and we slowly came to a stop. Sawyer kept going.

"I'm not stopping. You all have a nice cookout." He called back. _Stubborn prick._

"Excellent! Walk through the jungle in the dark." Sayid said sarcastically.

"Ooh, 'fraid the trees are gonna get us?" Sawyer turned.

"No, what is knocking down the trees will get you."

"Well, if you're so worried about me. Why don't ya give me the clip back?" The blonde held up his useless gun.

"Put your gun back in your pants, Sawyer." Kate mocked. "Sayid's right. You keep walking, you're not going to make it back to the beach."

"Yeah, why's that?" Sawyer asked with a cocky grin. There was a hesitation, which made everyone a bit more nervous.

"Trust me." Kate spat.

Sawyer ended up staying at camp with us. The sky had blackened, with less stars than I remembered from the night before. I jumped at every small sound I heard within the jungle. The fire helped with warmth, but it didn't make me feel any safer.

"This is Australia." My attention turned to Sayid as he placed a rock in the grass. "This is us." He held up a stick that was burning on the end.

"Nice stick." Sawyer mumbled. I glanced at him from across the fire for a moment, wondering why he always had to put his two cents into every conversation.

"Two days ago we take off from Sydney. " Sayid continued, ignoring the other man's remark. He continued, moving the stick as if he was tracing out the route as he'd mentioned. "Now the pilot lost communication with the ground, correct?" He looked to Kate.

"Yeah, six hours in. He turned around and headed for Fiji."

"So, we changed course. Regrettably, no one knew we changed course. The turbulence hit." Sayid have a light shake to the stick, the blames bounced around. "We know the rest." He placed the burning end down into the grass and swept the fire out.

"The pilot said we were over a thousand miles off course." Kate added. Sayid took a seat. The chill of hopelessness in the air made me feel like the campfire now had no purpose left.

"Yeah, but they'll find us. They have satellites in space that can take pictures of your license plates." Charlie spoke up with a sense of positivity. I had noticed him to be the optimist

"If only we were all wearing license plates." Sayid replied gloomily.

"Well, aren't you the pessimist."

"Basic photography, point-and-shoot. Satellites can shoot, but they must be told where to point." Sayid explained.

"Oh, bollocks." Charlie grumbled, now looking at the glass half-empty.

"Okay, really enjoyed the pub show. Fantastic." Saywer started with his cheery sarcasm. "But we're stuck in the middle of damn nowhere. How 'bout we talk about that other thing." His tone had darkened.

I noticed Charlie glancing around. My stomach twisted with a sense of dread. I already had a feeling that I didn't want to hear any of it.

"You know that transmission _Abdul _picked up on his little radio? The French chick that said, _they're all dead_? The transmission's been on a loop for how long was it, freckles?" He turned his attention to Kate.

"Sixteen years." The brunette beside me rolled her eyes.

"Right. Let's talk about that." I hated the way Sawyer purposely made his deep voice so eerie. _Please, just stop_.

I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them, searching for security.

"Well, we have to tell the others when they get back." Boone stated surely.

"And tell them what exactly?" Shannon demanded. She and her brother argued for a brief moment.

"No one's going to tell them anything." Sayid's voice drowned out theirs. An awkward silence quickly followed. "To relay what we heard, without fully understanding it will cause a panic. If we tell them what we know, we take away their hope. And a hope is a very dangerous thing to lose."

_No kidding._

"So we lie." Kate said, her eyes staring into the flames. Everyone seemed unsure of this, including me. This burden of keeping secrets was not what I'd bargained for when I agreed to come. No longer being a stray wasn't worth this.

I stared pensively into the fire, my eyes following the uprising flames until they flicked and disappeared. There, I found Sawyer's sea-colored eyes fixed on me. He didn't look away when I caught him, and I didn't lower my gaze as I normally would. I hugged my knees tighter. The man's lips curved up on the ends. _Don't do that_. I felt like he was almost teasing me.

I couldn't explain this strange . . . interest that he seemed to have in me. Maybe he was only trying to get under my skin and terrorize my mind. _He'd like that_. He seemed like the type to tease and leave you wondering why.

Finally, I looked down at my dirty toes. It was a tough commitment to not look back up at him though. I cleared my mind of anything to do with Sawyer. I wondered where I'd be now if the crash hadn't happened. _In my bed, the tv and night light keeping the darkness away._ _Yeah, right. I'd probably __still be at the airport thinking that mommy and daddy would be here any minute to pick me up. They just got caught up, they'll be here._

Strangely, I had to imagine those thoughts. There were no what-if ideas that suddenly came to mind without even trying. It was like there was no what-if. _This is where you're suppose to be._ I shooed away that tiny voice and rolled over onto my side. I needed sleep. _If I sleep, morning will be here before I know it._

It seemed like hours before I was tired enough to close my eyes and not open them every few seconds to see if a monster had appeared. I could feel my subconscious emerging slowly, surrounding my thoughts.

"What are you doing?" A frantic voice tore me from my trance. My eyes snapped open and I sat up quickly, my forehead smarted at this. Boone was standing in front of Sayid, his arms out defensively. I noticed the shiny, black metal of the gun Sawyer had _found_.

"Standing guard. You heard what they said is out there-"

"You took my gun off me, boy?" Sawyer snapped. Boone's eyes widened.

I stood up quickly, the urge to run away from the camp was frightening. I just wanted to get away. Whatever was about to happen I didn't want to see it.

"Please, you've never even held a gun. He doesn't believe in guns. He goes on marches . . ." Shannon babbled nervously.

"I don't go on marches."

"Give it back to me." Sayid demanded.

"Oh yeah, give it to _al jazeera._ He'll protect-" Sawyer commented smartly.

"_Al Jazeera_'s a network."

"I'll keep the damn gun." Boone growled.

"We should give it to her." Shannon pointed toward Kate who I was surprised to see had stayed out of the argument.

Everyone turned to her.

"Yeah, Kate should hold the gun." Charlie added smugly.

"Fine with me." Sayid didn't take his eyes off Boone who stayed silent like a kid who knows when he's in trouble. "Well?"

With his tail between his legs, Boone moped over to Kate, handing her the loaded gun. I was left uneasy. Seeing her aim that gun at Sawyer today made me feel sick. Not like nauseous, but dreadful. Maybe I would have felt the same over seeing her point that gun at anyone else, but I doubted it. Those moments when I wasn't sure if Sawyer was going to get shot were some of the scariest since I'd been here. _What if it happened again? What if next time, she pulled the trigger?_

**xXx**

The next morning, I was so tired I wouldn't have cared if they'd left me to fend for myself. By the time I'd calm down enough to fall asleep, they sky's color was already lifting from darkness to a dark bluish gray.

There was no arguing between Shannon and Boone, nor any gigantic monsters to alert me. Everyone was quiet. But at least there were no complications to slow us down.

The trek back to the beach was miserably silent, but no one would give in. I walked beside Kate who seemed to only be concerned with following Sayid. I was invisible to her. I'd even expected Charlie to groan about how much he missed bacon or something. But no, nothing.

I couldn't take it anymore. I looked back to search for Sawyer. He wasn't far ahead of the group like he was yesterday. Instead, he'd drifted back from us. It was like he always had to set himself apart. I wasn't sure if he'd say anything to me, but I had a desperate need to focus on something and take my mind off of sleeping.

I stopped in my tracks, letting Shannon walk around me as I waited for Sawyer. He glanced at me when he caught up. I started to walk next to him, quickening my pace to meet his long, effortless strides.

"Already needin' a break, Red?"

"No." I smiled, feeling happy that Sawyer was willing to be sociable.

"You sure? I can go ahead and make a scene." Sawyer teased.

"Shh, keep your voice down." I whispered. I didn't want to draw anyone's attention to me talking to Sawyer.

"So, is there any particular reason that you had my hand in a death grip yesterday?" I watched a smirk curve into his lips.

"What?" I was surprised that he'd even bring that up.

"Were you really that scared, or was that just an excuse to hold my hand?" His smiled grew. My cheeks flushed as I felt the embarrassment creep up on me.

"I panicked." I finally answered, not sure if I was lying or not.

"Sure, sure." Sawyer didn't taunt me anymore. He was quiet for a moment, maybe even deep in thought. Of what, I couldn't say. "Why'd you come out here anyway? You don't look like the tomb raider type."

_Because I didn't want to be left out._ The voice in my head answered instantly.

"Kate kinda volunteered me." It wasn't really a lie. "What about you?"

At this, Sawyer hesitated. Then, his smile returned and beamed at me when he looked at me.

"Well, after risking my neck to get you out of that seat, I thought it'd be pretty damn stupid to let you die in the jungle."

I felt a fluttering in my chest. I couldn't believe what he'd said. Whether he was being serious or not, it was all I could do to not pass out from the sudden rush of embarrassment.


	6. Number One With A Bullet

Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Is Sawyer a wolf in sheep's clothing? More importantly, does Kennedy believe that? Sorry about the last chapter being mostly conversation. I, myself, prefer action. But you know how the first episodes of Lost were. Don't worry, things are going to be heating up very soon. Hope you like this next chapter. If you like, you know what to do. :)**

* * *

><p>We arrived at the beach during the hottest part of the day. The journey back was a hell of a lot easier seeing as we were going down hill. Apparently, everyone had been anxious for our return. Now it was the time to break the news to them, or at least the news that Kate and Sayid had made up.<p>

People came running, crowding around in a half circle as Sayid stood atop a wing from the plane. Kate stood at his side. I made my way into the crowd, blending in. I didn't want to be in the spotlight.

"As you and the others know, we hiked up the mountain in an attempt to help the rescue team locate us." Sayid began. He look a long pause, as if to purposely add excitement. "The transceiver failed to pick up a signal. We weren't able to send out a call for help."

The other survivors gasped and whispered to each other. I stared at the ground as I listened to Sayid lie through his teeth.

"But we're not giving up." He called out, raising everyone's hopes again. "If we gather electronic equipment, your cellphones, laptops. I can boost the signal, and we can try again. But that may take some time, so for now, we should begin rationing our remaining food. If it rains, we should set up tubs to collect water. I need to organize three separate groups, each group should have a leader. One group for water, I'll organize that. Who's going to organize electronics?"

Soon, everyone was pitching in. They were all following Sayid's orders. Wreckage was being moved and made into shelters. I noticed that I was alone again. People were working together all around me, and I was just there. Boone and his sister stuck together, Michael and his son (I'm pretty sure I was getting his name right). Kate and Jack seemed to have teamed up. Then, there was me, a nobody.

I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and start making a shelter. I wasn't sure where to start though. I went scavenging for what no one else was going to use. I found a large piece of the plane's side that no one had picked up yet. It was roughly five feet wide and it would make a pretty decent lean-to. Only it was much to heavy, I realized this after ten minutes of try to move it to no avail.

I thought of just giving up and leaving the damn thing there. Then, I saw Charlie walking by, he was dragging a wheelchair behind him though I wasn't sure what it was for. I didn't want to ask for help, but I had no other choice unless I wanted to sleep under the stars.

"Hey." I called to him shyly.

The short, blonde stopped and wheeled around to face me.

"Yep?"

"You think you could help me move this?" I asked, quickly biting my lip.

"I would love to, totally. But I'm suppose to be moving luggage." Charlie's reply dulled any hope I had left that someone might want to help me out.

"Oh, okay. Thanks anyway." I stood there awkwardly. All I could do was stare down at the piece of metal hopelessly.

"I suppose they could wait a minute, huh?" I looked back to Charlie who quickly sat the wheelchair down and came to stand in front of me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, this could only take a minute, right?" The little man bent down and tried to pick up the hunk of metal, he was able to lift it and I quickly went to the side opposite him and lifted up as well.

I wanted to have my shelter close to where Jack had set up his. This way, if my shelter-making skills failed me, there could be someone close by. We leaned the plane's scrap against another part of the wreckage and it remained still. It was quickly and pretty simple. Charlie stood up straight with his hands on his hips and looked at the lean-to with a job-well-done attitude.

"Welp, there ya go." He smiled at me and I returned the gesture.

"Thanks."

"No problem. See ya around." Charlie patted my shoulder as he walked past me and left with the wheelchair.

Looking at the shelter I made, I felt satisfied with it. Now, if I could find something to put under it to sleep on, I'd be in good shape.

**xXx**

Later in the evening, I was in the mood to search for my suitcase again. I wasn't sure if it would do any good, but I knew it couldn't hurt to try. My search led me towards the midsection of the plane. As I walked around the outside, I heard voices inside. They sounded familiar and my curiosity beckoned me to get closer.

"You're just not looking at the big picture, doc. Still back in civilization." I heard someone say, someone with a deep, southern voice. _Sawyer_.

"Yeah? And where are you?" I heard Jack's reply.

"Me? I'm in the wild." Sawyer answered. I climbed up into the plane and found the bad-ass himself standing the closest with his back to me. He must not have heard me come in, for he seemed to be caught off guard when he turned and saw me standing in his way.

"The wild, huh?" I repeated, the corners of my mouth curled slightly. I thought he sounded pretty silly.

I watched Sawyer narrow his eyes and a show me a playful smirk.

"Yeah. With the lions and tigers and **bears**, oh my." He made sure to put extra emphasis on bears, chuckling confidently as he walked past me.

"Little strange, isn't he?" Jack smiled. I smiled back, my mouth closed.

"What was he doing in here?" I wondered aloud.

"Uh, looting." The doc answered, he seemed to be searching in the luggage compartments for something.

I looked around the cabin. Then, I found a corpse of a middle-aged man hanging upside down in his seat. Realizing that I had once been beside him, I started to feel upset. My hand covered my mouth and I quickly sat down.

"You okay?" Jack asked from across the cabin.

I nodded, but I was still struggling to get a grip on myself. The memory was still so vivid, like a healing wound. It was still painful. Looking to Jack, I saw that he was staring at me with worry. I took a few deep breaths and managed to get myself back under control.

"I was sitting there." I pointed up to the seats next to the corpse.

Jack's eyes followed the direction I'd pointed to and I watched his brows furrow and crumple together.

"That's where you were stuck?"

I nodded.

"So, did you ever find the one that got you out?" Jack asked, recalling our first conversation.

_Oh, the irony!_ I wasn't sure if Jack would believe me, I probably would either had it not been me.

"He just left." I felt a chuckle mix with the choking back of the tears.

Jack's concerned expression melted away into disbelief.

"Sawyer? You sure? You did have a concussion." I wasn't surprised at Jack's words. I expected them after the answer I had just given him.

"Yeah. I remember everything." I swallowed dryly, feeling the memories flooding my thoughts."When the tail broke off, there was luggage flying out of the plane. I think that's what hit my head. Anyway, woke up not long after we crashed. I was still in the plane, strapped in my seat upside down. I was sitting there." I pointed to the row where the corpse was again. "I screamed so loud, hoping someone could hear me. I thought nobody would ever find me," I looked down at my feet when I paused. "But he did. He got me out and carried me onto the beach. Then, the explosion."

I stopped there, propping my arm up on my knee with my head in my hand.

The doc seemed very surprised. Thing carefully about what I knew about Sawyer now, I was surprised too.

"Damn. I guess you did get pretty lucky." Jack chuckled. I suppose he was trying to lighten the mood, and it helped.

I'm not sure why I told Jack what happened. Maybe because he only thought that Sawyer only had one side.

"There's just something about him. It's like he's trying to piss everyone off, you know?" Jack said after taking in all that I'd said. I understood him there, Sawyer did have a strange way of making friends.

**xXx**

It was dark now. I had made a small fire by my shelter, so it wouldn't be as dark. My mind was on him.

"Sawyer," I sighed, pushed my bangs back. "What the hell do you want?" _What about him could I not get out of my head? Was it because he saved me? Maybe._ _Still, there was something about him that made me want to be around him. The way he got to me when he spoke, the way he brought out his other side of me._

A gunshot echoed across the beach, making my stomach come up in my throat. It came from the direction where Jack's shelter was. I got up and took off running. When I made it there, I saw Jack and Hurley standing outside the shelter, Kate was walking away.

"Jack, what happened? I-"

I trailed off as Sawyer walked out, his gun in his hand. I froze. _The injured man. Did Sawyer . . .?_ The blonde looked up, his unreadable eyes looked into mine. _No. No, he wouldn't do that._ I knew what had happened, I just didn't want to believe it.

"Sawyer." I whispered his name under my breath.

"What did you do?" Jack demanded. His whole body trembling with rage.

"What you couldn't." Sawyer answered him. The doc stormed toward him. "Look, I get where you're coming from, being a doctor and all. But he wanted it. Hell, he asked me."

The two men were almost touching noses when Jack approached him, but he continued to walk into the shelter.

"So I don't like it anymore than you do. Something had to be done." The blonde finished, trying to make the doc understand. We all turned our attention to the shelter when we heard choking coming from inside. I sucked in a sharp breath.

"Aw, no way." Hurley sighed. "Guys."

Jack and Sawyer rushed inside.

"You shot him in the chest?"

"I was aiming for his heart." A deep, southern voice admitted.

"You missed."

"And is he still breathing?" Hurley asked. I was so worked up that I was feeling dizzy.

"You perforated his lung. It'll take hours to bleed out." Jack explained.

"There was . . . I only had one bullet." Sawyer tried to explain himself.

"Get out!" Jack shouted.

Hurley walked away from the scene, looking nauseous. I watched Sawyer emerge from the shelter, pulling a smoke out of his pack. His fingers fumbled trying to light it.

"Dammit!" He said after getting frustrated and throwing the cigarette.

The choking, gurgling sounds coming from the dying man were unbearable to listen to. Finally, they ceased and Jack quickly walked out onto the beach. His face ridden over with sadness. He passed between Sawyer and I, and he just kept going.

I wasn't sure what to feel or what to do. Sawyer's eyes met mine again, but this time he seemed to look at me defensively. It's like he was ready for me to yell and beat him down as Jack had. I wanted to, but I knew it wasn't right. _It was an accident, right? _I knew the answer, but I couldn't think. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't even want to look at him. I just wanted to walk away. And that's what I did.


	7. Tension

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Well, the last chapter was a bit gloomy . . . and short. What's going to happen next? Does Kennedy still see Sawyer as a hero? Read to find out. **If you like, you know what to do. :)****

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

It took me a long time to go to sleep. The next morning, I felt sick. I assumed that it was because my nerves had been really shaken from the night before.

_Who was Sawyer, really? I thought I knew at first, but now I realized that it was all just false_ _hope_._ What kind of person would kill another man? Even if it was to put that guy out of his misery, he was a human being._

I crawled out of my lean-to and walked around the beach, everybody else was just waking up as well. I saw Sawyer, he was just sitting there with a mopey look on his face. _Don't pay any attention to him, Kennedy._ I was going to walk right by as if he weren't even there. I didn't know what I thought about him, and until I was sure, I was going to avoid him. From the glimpse of expression I examined on his face, he looked as if he were feeling pretty guilty. _Good, he should be_.

Deep down, I knew what happened wasn't completely his fault, but at the same time it was. _He was the one with the gun. He was the one who decided to shoot the man in the chest. For that, he was guilty._

"Hey, Red." I heard him mutter just as a passed him. His voice was like a nail on a chalk board in my head. reluctantly, I turned and faced him._ Damn it!_

"What?" I asked smugly, making sure to avoid his eyes.

"You gonna hate on me too?" His head was slightly cocked to the side. I refused to look at his face, so I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not.

Of course I didn't hate him. _I think._ After last night, I wasn't too sure about Sawyer. There were too many factors that I cared to deal with, and I just wanted to be alone.

"I don't have anything to say to you, Sawyer." I mumbled. My voice held no intimidation, same as usual.

I expected the man to throw a laugh my way. But when I finally found the courage to look him in the eye, I saw his face was smug and his eyes narrowed at me.

"An' why's that?"

I didn't have an answer, I guess me biting my lip and looking away sent a clear message.

"Don't act like you know me, kid. You don't know a damn thing about me." He said, his tone was indifferent with just a hint of irritation.

"I don't want to know you." I countered quietly. I didn't care if I was being too harsh, the sick feeling was getting worse and I just wanted to walked away. I didn't want Sawyer to see me vomit.

"Good, then get." He snapped at me through gritted teeth. His words stung, but I brushed it off quickly.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

Maybe I was being a little ill with the kid, but she'd get over it. _Hell, I saved her damn life twice and as soon as I make a mistake, I'm the worst person in the world. I never asked to be put on a pedestal, so I shouldn't have to worry about pleasing her all the time._ I knew I was just trying to be a hard ass, and I knew I did give a damn about what Red thought. But just a little.

She just stood there for a moment, hesitating. I thought she might say something else, but she just blinked a few times. She stumbled back a little as if she were trying to keep her balance and I was beginning to wonder if she had found any of the plane's alcohol supply that I had missed.

Her eyes started fluttering and then they closed and her body went limp and fall backwards. I jumped up, alarmed at first. Then, I questioned whether or not it was a bad prank.

"Hey, get up. That ain't funny." I said to her. She didn't move, not even a twitch. I knelt beside her and still hoped that just maybe she was bluffing. She was lying on her back, face as pale as a new, white pillow. "Red." I called to her. After not getting any kind of response, I actually started to worry.

Looking up, I saw a few people staring curiously. None of them made an attempt to come closer.

"Hey, kid. Wake up." I made my voice louder this time, but an answer never came. I lifted Kennedy's head and lifted her eyelids. Her green irises were almost completely rolled back in her head.

"What's going on?" Freckles stood over me and the unconscious body, her brows furrowed in a demanding fashion.

"I think she's out." I turned my attention back to Kennedy who still had not moved.

"Jack!" Kate called out. A crowd appeared around us in seconds. It took a minute for the jackass to finally get to us.

"What happened?" He asked, leaning over the girl's body. I moved away to give him room.

"I saw her pass out." I admitted. Jack checked the kid's breathing.

"She swallowed her tongue." He said as he opened the girl's mouth. I watched curiously as he stuck his fingers into her throat and pulled her tongue forward. Instantly, Kennedy breathed in deeply, coughing as she exhaled.

"Sawyer, lift up her legs. It'll help her blood flow back to her heart, get oxygen to her brain faster." Jack instructed. I did as he said, feeling more concerned about the girl than any annoyance Jack or I had for each other. As I waited anxiously for a moment, Kennedy's eyes opened half way and fluttered lazily as if she was having trouble coming to.

"Wha . . . ?" The girl trailed off, her eyes were starting to close again.

"Hey, look at me." Jack said as he cradled her neck, but her head was started to go limp again. "Hey. Come on, look at me."

Red's eyes opened a little wider, but quickly began to droop again. She was fighting to stay awake.

"Hey, can you tell me your name?" Jack asked her. This question seemed to spark some life back into the girl as she managed to lift her eyelids back up.

"Kenn . . . edy." She mumbled.

"Good." The doc smiled at her. "What's my name? Do you remember?"

"Jack?" Kennedy's brows crumpled together like she might not be too sure.

"Yeah." Jack laughed out of relief, I did too. He turned his attention to the crowd standing around us. "She's okay, guys."

People murmured to each other as they thinned out. Jack help the girl sit up slowly. She looked at me, surprised to see me. I returned a smirk.

"What happened?" Her voice was groggy. My stomach was slowly going back down to its normal position.

"Kennedy, do you have a history of fainting?" Jack asked seriously. The kid looked confused.

"No."

"When was the last time you ate?" The doc asked again. The red head thought carefully for a minute, trying hard to remember.

"It was before we crashed." She answered softly. _Three days without food? This little girl was crazy. It was no wonder she passed out._

"Okay. Well, you need to get some food into your system. Stay here, I'll bring you something." Jack said to her before walking away. Kate followed him.

**{Kennedy's POV}**

I didn't want to be left alone with Sawyer, but it wasn't like I could walk away or make him leave. _Maybe if I just don't talk to him, he won't say anything either_.

"Boy, you sure know how to put a scare in someone, Red." The dirty blonde chuckled. _Wishful thinking_.

"Are you really trying to make me believe that you were scared?" I asked doubtfully, my eyes on my feet.

"Aw, come on now. I have a heart too. I care." He smiled, something in his voice seemed a little sarcastic.

"Yeah, about yourself." I added smugly. His smile faded into a frown, I'd upset him.

"Ah fuck, never mind. I get it, I do. O' Sawyer's a bad guy, only cares about himself, right?" The dirty blonde stood up, dusting off his knees.

"That's not fair." I protested weakly.

"Yeah, whatever." Sawyer grumbles as he walked away. _Why did he care what I thought about him_? I sat on the beach until Jack returned with a piece of fruit.

"Here, eat this." He said, handing it to me. I hesitated, but as the fruity smell reached my nose it made by stomach ache with hunger. I took a bite, delicious taste rushing into my mouth. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was.

"Thanks." I said after swallowing. Jack nodded.

"So, why haven't you been eating?" He asked as I bit into the fruit again. I hesitantly chewed for a little bit.

"I don't like to eat when I'm scared. It just makes me feel worse." I admitted honestly.

"We're all scared, Kennedy. Just remember that I'm here, and I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you or anyone else." The doctor said sincerely. He should have known after last night that that wouldn't calm me down. He didn't have control over anything any better than we did.

"Thanks, Jack." I smiled. I finished off the fruit, we just sat there now. He seemed to be thinking about something for a little while.

"So, Sawyer must like your company." He finally said. I turned to him.

"What makes you say that?"

"You're one of the few people he ever speaks to. Everywhere you are, he shows up." Jack explained. When I took that into consideration he made sense, but I didn't want to admit that he was right yet.

"I don't know about that."

"Ah, I'm pretty sure. Look, Kennedy, just be careful around him. Okay?" Jack was making no sense. _Why did he care if Sawyer talked to me? I know last night probably made him have hard feelings toward the guy, but why would he be worried about me?_

"Okay." I answered nodding.

**xXx**

It was late at night when I got woke up by that kid's dog. I could understand that the boy wanting his dog back, but I think I liked it better when he was lost. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. That's when I heard a loud commotion coming from the inside of the plane. It sounded like something rummaging through the wreckage. I got up and walked toward the scene. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who'd heard it, everyone was getting up and curiously heading in the plane's direction.

I found Jack and Kate and went to stand by them as I listened for the sound again. It came again, making a racket in the midsection. At first, I thought it might have been that thing in the jungle knocking down the trees. But maybe it could have been another polar bear.

"What is it?" Kate asked nervously. She seemed just as afraid as I was.

"Somebody's in there." Claire, the pregnant girl, said.

"Everyone is there is dead." I heard Sayid correct her. I really hoped that the dead weren't up moving about in there.

"It's Sawyer." Jack said back to the crowd.

"Right behind ya, jackass." said Sawyer retorted from behind Jack and me. His voice almost made me jump out of my skin. _If it wasn't that thing, and it wasn't a dead person, and it wasn't Sawyer, who was it?_

Jack obviously wasn't waiting to find out. He took a small flashlight out of his shirt pocket and started walking toward the wreckage, Sawyer followed behind him with a bigger light.

"Jack." Kate protested, but they ignored her, so she went with them. I followed suit behind her and then Charlie behind me. As we neared the plane, the sounds became louder, creepier. Jack crept just outside the wreckage, shining his tiny flashlight. We gathered behind and beside him, hoping to catch a glimpse of something. We couldn't, the light was much too dim.

"I'm gonna shed some light on this thing." Sawyer said, shining his huge light where Jack's was. As soon as he did, the doc pushed the flashlight away. Suddenly, we saw two, glowing eyes staring back at us, whatever it was making a growling noise.

"Run!" Jack shouted. He didn't need to tell any of us twice. As we darted back towards the camp, the others were screaming and running away also. Several, small, things ran past us. Some didn't. They were squealing like pigs, but were twice the size of your average farm hog. I was running as fast as I could when I felt someone grab me by the arm and pull me down and lay over me, protecting me from the animals' path. I didn't bother to look up and see who'd done it, I already knew it was Sawyer.

I felt his hot breath on the top of my head, the back of my neck. It gave me a cold chill. Being this close and this way wasn't something that I ever expected to happen. Seconds later, the animals ran back into the jungle. They'd left just as quickly as they came and scared the hell out of all of us.

"They're gone." I heard someone say. I felt Sawyer's weight disappear from my back and I stood up. I was too shy to look at him, but I felt his eyes on me.

"What the bloody hell was that?" I heard Charlie ask. My mind suddenly snapped back into focus.

"Boars."


	8. He's As Damned As He Seems

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: I have to say that I'm pretty happy with how the last chapter turned out, but Kennedy needs to learn how to eat. Jack seems to be getting suspicious of Sawyer, and after reading the end of chapter 7, it's easy to see why. Was that little move of his to protect Kennedy from the boars? Or were his intentions more personal? **Read to find out. **If you like, you know what to do. :)******

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

Early the next morning, Kate told me about what Jack was wanting to do with the bodies. I agreed that it was the best thing for us to do. They were starting to smell and animals were coming by in the night to eat their remains. Giving them an ancient Greek funeral was better than letting them all be scavenged on by animals.

As for things that smelled, I couldn't handle my hygiene problem anymore. As soon as the sun began to come up, I took one of the towels from the plane's supply and went down to a secluded part of the beach where I would have complete privacy. I stripped down, not even leaving on underwear. I bashfully hid my body as I checked one last time to make sure no one was watching. Feeling safe that I was alone, I ran for the ocean and dived into the waves.

The water was cool, soothing. I was starting to feel better already. The tension slowly left my body as I waded in the waves, enjoying myself. I wasn't sure how long I'd been swimming when I heard rustling coming from the bushes. I cowardly crouched in the water, afraid someone was there.

"Hello?" I called out, carefully eying the beach. After not hearing a response for a few minutes, I decided to speed my bath up. I used the towel to scrub the dirt and dried sweat off, revealing cleaner skin. I'd gotten a little bit of a tan, different from my usually pale complexion. I also noticed the dye in my wet hair washing out a bit. _No matter_. I didn't take anymore time up than I needed, fearing I was just giving pervs more opportunity to catch me naked if I stayed longer. I put my clothes back on and headed back to the camp.

I arrived just in time to see Sawyer and Hurley fighting over a backpack. They were like two, little children.

"What's your problem? Hand 'em over!" Hurley demanded, trying to snatch the pack away.

"How 'bout no." Sawyer circled around the bigger man.

"There's other people here. Don't you give a crap?"

"Yeah well, if one of us didn't eat more than his fair share!" Sawyer shot back. I mentally scowled him for that remark. I was noticed that he didn't care to be hurtful when someone had him cornered.

"Oh, that's bull and you know it." Hurley defended himself.

"Alright guys, knock it off." Jack jumped in to take on his role as referee once again. The two didn't give up.

"You're not happy unless you're screwing over-" Hurley made another grab at the backpack.

"Hey, I'm peachy, pork pie!" Sawyer yanked the bag from his grip.

"Guys, know it off!" Jack raised his voice.

"You stay out of this, Metro!" The blonde yelled at the doc. Jack broke the two apart, Sayid assisted him.

"What's going on?"

"Jether here is hoarding the last of the peanuts." Hurley tattled. _Peanuts?_

"It's my own stash, I found it in there." Sawyer defended. _Peanuts? They were fighting over peanuts? And what in the hell was Sawyer doing with a stash?  
><em>

"What about the rest of the food?" Jack asked Hurley.

"There is no rest of the food, kinda ate it all." The heavy guy answered.

"What?" Shannon gasped. The others talked among themselves, asking what we were going to do.

"Okay, everybody. Just calm down." Jack started, but he couldn't think of the right words to say.

"We can find food." Sayid stepped forward. "There are plenty of things on this island we can use for sustenance."

"And exactly how are we gonna find the sustenance?" Sawyer asked sarcastically as he threw himself on one of the plane seats sitting on the beach. Out of nowhere, a knife flew into the seat, right beside Sawyer's head. I caught my breath, as did everyone else. We whipped our heads in the direction the flying knife came from. The bald man was standing there.

"We hunt." He casually answered.

"How'd you get that knife on the plane?" Kate asked curiously as Jack pulled the knife out of the seat. Sawyer stayed there, my guess is that he nearly pissed himself.

"Checked it."

"You either have very good aim, or very bad aim, Mr. . .?" Jack began, giving the knife back to its owner.

"Locke." The black man finished. "His name is Locke."

"Okay , what is it we're hunting?"

"We know there are wild boar on the island, razor backs by the look of them. The ones who came into the camp last night were piglets, a hundred, a hundred fifty pounds each. Which means that there's a mother near by a two hundred fifty pound rat with scimitar-like tusks and a surly disposition who'd love nothing more than to eviscerate anything comes near. Boars usual motive attack is to circle around and charge from behind, so I figure it'll take at least three of us to distract her long enough for me to flank off one of the piglets, pin it, and slit its throat." explained thoroughly. _Sounded like a fucking blast_.

"And you gave him his knife back?" Sawyer questioned Jack humorously.

"Well, if you've got a better idea . . . " The doc trailed off.

"Better than three of you wandering into the magic forest of bag-a-hunk-of-ham with nothing but a little-bitty huntin' knife? Hell no. It's the best idea I've ever heard." Sawyer's sarcasm continued. smiled to himself as he opened up his metal case, major hunting knives inside. Everyone exchanged glances, it even gave me the creeps.

"Who is this guy?" Hurley asked, his eyes glued to the knives.

**xXx**

, Kate, and the black man went into the jungle to hunt for the boars. I wasn't surprised when Kate volunteered, she seemed to like the spotlight. I'd lived with spotlight my whole life, and I didn't think it was all that and a bag of Doritos.

"Hey." Boone came to where I was sitting on the beach.

"Hi." I replied shyly.

"You ever find your suitcase?" He asked as he sat down. I answered him shaking my head. "You look like you've cleaned up."

"Yeah, doesn't do much when I have to put the same dirty clothes back on though." I looked down at my tattered tank and dirt covered jeans. It made me feel embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it, half of us can't find most of our stuff." Boone smiled.

"Not finding **most** of your stuff and not finding **any** of your stuff is two different things, silly." I pointed out to him. He agreed. We caught a glimpse of Sawyer walking around.

"What's with that guy?" Boone asked me as he watched the blonde go out of his view.

"Not sure. He seems a little off."

"Don't you and him know each other?" Boone asked curiously. His intense, blue eyes looking in mine.

"No, not really. I mean, we both went on that hike up the mountain, but I don't really know him." I explained. The brunette seemed a little confused.

"I just thought you two knew each other, the way I've seen him look at you sometimes. It's actually a little creepy." The lifeguard said.

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah, I've seen him watching you whenever he sees you. I've only seen him doing it a few times, but I thought it was worth mentioning." Boone's words made me feel nervous. _Sawyer was stalking me?_ "Sorry if I scared you or anything." He started to apologize.

"No, its okay." I smiled at him with closed lips. On the far end of the beach, I saw Hurley and Charlie in the water with a stick. Curiosity struck. "I'm going to go down here, see what these crazy guys are doing."

"Yeah, okay." Boone smiled as I left him sitting on the beach. I jogged toward the two as Hurley jabbed the stick into the waves.

"Did you get it?" I heard Charlie ask as I got closer.

"Dude, quit asking me that." Hurley said as he pulled the stick out of the water. It had a pointed piece of metal stuck to the end.

"Sorry."

"Hey, guys. Um, what are you doing?" I smiled. I already had an idea of what they were trying to accomplish, but hearing them say it would brighten my day.

"Fishing." Charlie returned a huge smile. "Or spearing, or um." I held back laughing while he confused himself.

"No. I call it poking the water with a sharp stick and watching the fish run away." The bigger guy joked.

"You said you knew how to fish." Charlie reminded him.

"Yeah, Santa Monica Pier with my old man, and a fishing pole, and bait. Never had to try and poke one with a sharp stick." Hurley countered as he plunged the makeshift spear into the waves, missing again.

"Well, uh, I really appreciate you helping me out. Thanks." The funny, little guy patted him on the shoulder.

"Hey, anything that keeps me away from that fuselage." They began stalking another fish, Charlie pointing in out in the water. "Or that friggin, redneck jerk!" He exclaimed as he made an attempt to stab with fish. I guess that he was pretending Sawyer was the fish. Hurley let out an aggravated growl and began smacking the ocean with the stick. "Dammit! Crap! Son of a . . . "

"You want me to have a go?" Charlie offered, hoping to calm the big man down. Hurley instantly chilled out and tossed the spear to the shorter guy.

"Knock yourself out." I was a little worried about that comment, with these two crazies, someone getting knocked out was likely. They carefully watched the water until a fish came into view. "Kay, here it comes. Put your weight into it." Charlie readied himself. "Wait for it. Wait. Now!"

Charlie threw himself completely underwater. He shot back up instantly wide eyed. It was enough to make Hurley and me crack up. I needed the laugh.

"Dude, you gotta try to pin it." Hurley informed in between chuckles.

"Did you see how close I was? You said I had to corner it." The soaking wet Charlie said as Hurley and I pulled him toward the beach, a wave came in and almost pulled us all down. We couldn't keep the smiles off our faces. Then, I thought about how Sawyer had been treating Hurley. I felt bad for him because he was only trying to help everyone.

"Hey, Hurley?" I made myself serious.

"Yeah?" He was still grinning from ear to ear.

"Sorry about what he says. Sawyer, I mean." My voice was a little shaky. The big guy's smile faded, his memory going back.

"Forget it."

"No, he shouldn't be so mean. You were just trying to help out. You're a cool guy." I said honestly. It seemed to make him feel better.

"Yeah, where is that bear-killing friend of yours anyway?" Charlie asked, his eyes focused on the water again.

"Bear-killing? What the hell does that mean?" Hurley turned to me, confusion written all over his face.

"Oh yeah, tough guy saved Kennedy from a polar bear." Charlie explained. _What? That's not how it was at all._

"No, he didn't." I said.

"Well then, maybe he was showing off for ya. A bit dramatically romantic, I think." Charlie suggested just before trying to spear another fish. He remembered not to go under this time. I tried not to think much into what he said, Charlie could be kind of strange. Still, was he right? And it was weird how everyone was assuming that Sawyer and I were friends. I hoped people's suspicions didn't grow into something more than that.

"A polar bear? What is a polar bear doing in the middle of the jungle?" Hurley asked.

"We're not sure, but keep it a secret. Okay? We don't need the others getting any more worried than they already are." I said, thinking about the craziness that would happen if people had anything else to fear.

"Yeah, sure thing."

**xXx**

A little while later, Kate and the black man came back. Locke showed up a few minutes later with a successful kill. Everyone looked forward to that. Then, after the sunset, people gathered around for the memorial service we were having and the burning of the fuselage. Some had been gathering information of the dead passengers all day so that they could read off names and say something on their behalf.

As Claire spoke, I had this sick feeling in my chest. I was so close to being on that list. Thinking of this made me look in the crowd for Sawyer. I found him standing just behind Shannon, on the outside of the half circle we'd all formed. I moved from my spot next to Kate and went to stand by him. His face seemed a bit grim.

"That would have been me if you hadn't have been there." I whispered, making sure only he could hear me. He looked down at me, his eyes thoughtful. I couldn't control my tears anymore, for some reason. As my waterworks started, I felt a strong arm go around my shoulder and pull into Sawyer's side. I looked up at him, alarmed at first. His eyes showed something that I hadn't seen in the man since after he'd saved me: kindness.

I knew that tomorrow things would be very different between us after tonight. I'd go back to avoiding him, he'd go back to the asshole personality that he wanted everyone to see. But tonight, we were letting our guards down, just for once. I'd never met anyone so confusing. _He's as damned as he seems_. I thought to myself as we turned our attention back to Claire as she finished the memorial.


	9. Most Avoided List

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Well, I hope everyone enjoyed that little moment between Sawyer and Kennedy at the end. Aw, Sawyer has a soft spot! Will it last? The better Kennedy tries to understand him, the more confusing he gets. I hope everybody likes this chapter. ******If you like, you know what to do. :)********

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

_"Megan White." The school principal announced and my sister walked up to the stage and received her diploma. I'd never seen our parents so happy. Even in a dorky cap and gown, my sister was absolutely stunning. She was the valedictorian, which was something our parents would expect or accept anything less than._

_"Pay close attention to your sister, Kennedy. In three years, you'll be up there giving a speech. You may need to take notes." My mother said to me crossly. I looked at my feet shyly._

_It hurt when my mother would cram it into my head that I'd never be as good as Megan, but I tried to never let it show. My dad seemed to love us equally, but our mom was a completely different story. I gave her a confused look when she pulled a small notepad out of her purse and put it in my lap._

_"Here's a pen." She added, handing me one of her expensive ink pens.  
><em>

**xXx**

Days had passed, and no one had come for us. People were finally starting to realize that the chances of rescue were growing very slim. I'd suspected this, but for everybody's sake, I still wanted to hope.

The memorial service from last night had been playing through my head all morning. Sawyer held me to his side the whole time, then after it was over he walked away as if we were complete strangers. I still hadn't came up with an answer for his behavior nor what I truly thought about the man. _Was I drawn to him? Yes. Did I feel like there was something else there beside the fact that he'd saved my life? Yes. Was my feelings for him anything other than friendly? I'm not sure._ I tried not to think about that too much. If rescue did come around, I'd never see Sawyer again and any kind of feelings for him would have been for nothing. So I wasn't going to try and find these feelings, - if they even existed - they were much better off being hidden.

I was walking on the beach, just trying to get in a little bit of exercising. That's when I saw a woman out in the ocean calling for help. Although the others saw her too, no one would go to help her. Finally, I saw Jack come out of nowhere and jump into the water. He swam as quickly as he could to get to her. Worry grew in my stomach for the woman and for Jack.

When he came back, he was carrying Boone onto the beach. Kate and I helped pull him to shore as the doctor ran back into the sea for the woman.

"Stay here with him." Kate instructed me as she went to keep an eye on Jack.

"Boone?" I said softly to the young man lying in the sand. He was conscious, just barely though. His intense eyes looked at me.

"Hi." He coughed. I gave him a weak smile. "Did he get that woman?" He asked. I looked toward the ocean, seeing Jack heading back.

"I think so. What were you doing out there?" I asked curiously.

"Trying to help her." He answered with heavy breathing. I felt stupid for forgetting that he was a lifeguard.

I gasped silently when Boone set his head onto my lap. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just sat there stiffly.

"Should I move?" He asked, noticing how tensed I was. He coughed a little.

"No, you're okay." I said shyly. I knew I'd be lying if I told him that I wanted him to get the hell off of me. _I liked Boone. Not so much in a relationship way, but more as a very comforting friend. He was sweet._

Everyone crowded around as Jack brought the woman onto the beach. I didn't move because of Boone, but from what little I could see from where I was sitting, it looked like the lady didn't make it.

"Is she okay?" The young man asked me, looking toward the crowd.

"I don't think so, Boone." I said quietly. I saw the pain in his face, it made me sad. He laid there in my lap for a few more minutes, then he got up and walked away. My guess is that he kind of blamed himself, even though it wasn't his fault. He'd almost died trying to help the woman.

I soon felt the need to leave. With the burning of the bodies last night and then another death today, it was all a little too much. I walked away, not really sure where I was headed. I saw Sawyer sitting on the beach, reading. I didn't expect him to speak to me as I walked past him.

"So, you got yourself a cuddle buddy now?" He said to me. _What was he talking about?_

"What?" I demanded, stopping in my tracks. The dirty blonde man set his book in his lap, a sneaky grin across his stubbly face.

"You and Mr. Lifeguard, I saw you two cuddling over there. You go through men pretty fast don't ya, Red?"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" I asked glaring at him. I wasn't sure where this side of me had come from and why it flared so much around Sawyer. _Maybe because he was a bit of a prick_, I thought to myself.

"Well, seeing as how I was your shoulder to cry on last night, and now Boone is using you as a head rest. You seem to be getting around." Sawyer smiled. I honestly had the urge to hit him. I, someone who'd always been too cowardly to fight my whole life, was ready to smack that damn grin off his face.

"Listen, it's none of your business who I am friends with. And why do you care? What happened to Bad-Guy Sawyer?" My throat was full of acid dying to come out, but I still had some self control left.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

"I never said I cared one bit, darlin'." I smiled just like the smart ass that I was. _Finally, I'd gotten a rise out of her. Something different than that shy, fragile kid she'd grown up to be. __Maybe I did care that she had Boone all comfy in her lap, but she didn't have to know that._

_I couldn't help myself from eying her from head-to-toe. Her red hair had a slight curl to it, giving it a sexy, messy look. Her too-thin frame was tensed from her annoyance toward me. Clothes were filthy. Still, she was perfect eye candy for me. Speaking of eyes, hers were absolutely stunning, they had a wild look to them. If she was in one of those Playboys I had in my stash, her page would probably be the most visited. _

**{Kennedy's POV}**

I was about to say something back, but I noticed Sawyer eying me in a weird way. He reminded me of one of those pervs that like to mentally undress you.

"What the hell are you looking at?" I snapped, feeling very pissed off.

"Don't go a gettin' hot headed now." He chuckled. _If only looks could kill, I'd give him the meanest death glare he'd ever seen. And by the way he went about, I'm sure he'd seen his fair share_.

"Why do you do this?" I demanded, feeling stressed and aggravated.

"Well, I find reading very calm-"

"You know that's not what I meant!" I raised my voice. "Why do you act like a nice guy one minute, and then turn into a complete asshole the next?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Red?" With that, Sawyer went back to his reading, having no more acknowledgement that I was there. I saw that as my cue to leave. I was so tired of this game of cat and mouse. _Just when he had me thinking that this attitude was all for show, he does bullshit like this._

**xXx**

"You think you're all noble and heroic for coming after me, I was fine." I watched Boone walking after Jack as I was coming back from my spat with Sawyer. "You're not the only one who knows what to do around here, you know that? I run a business! Who pointed you our savior, huh?"

I headed towards the two. After just being in an argument myself, I didn't want to see anyone else having one.

"What gives you the right? Look at me. Hey, I'm talking to you!" Boone tried to get Jack's attention as he started to stare off into space back towards the jungle. "Look at me, Jack. Where are you going?" The doctor started to walk off in the direction that had caught his eye. "Where are you going? Hey!" Boone demanded, but it didn't help.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked him once I made it to his side, watching Jack continue to run away.

"He thinks he's such a hero, thinks he should get all the fucking credit. I was saving that woman until he stepped in and decided to take over."

"But Boone, you were drowning. And since when is lifesaving a contest here?" I asked him, hoping that I'd make him less upset with Jack. He seemed thoughtful for a moment, taking in what I'd said.

"I just wish that he'd realize he's not the only one who wants to help people around this place." He replied, looking into my eyes. I understood what he meant, I knew what it was like to be in the shadow of someone else.

"I understand. Just try not to get yourself killed anymore, okay?" I smiled weakly at him. I was taken by surprised as he hugged me. When he pulled away again and looked at me, he gave me a crooked smile.

"Sorry." He laughed at himself a little. I was just as embarrassed as he was.

"It's okay." I looked at my feet shyly, trying to hold back a grin.

"Hey, Hey!" I watched as the boy with the dog ran across the beach to Kate. "That pregnant lady fell down."

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

"You okay? You look pale." Boone said to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I need to go." I said, following Kate as she hurried to Claire. We found Charlie and the black man carrying her, she was unconscious.

"What happened?"

"She just dropped." Charlie answered Kate.

"It must be the heat." The brunette guessed. "Is she breathing?"

"I think." The black man replied.

"Come on, let's get her inside."

We went to Jack's shelter and they laid her down. Charlie untied her shoes as Kate tried to wake her up. My whole body was shaking now, bad memories were flooding my mind. Finally, Claire came to, but she was still in bad shape.

"She needs water." Kate said. Charlie ran to where the last of the water supply was being kept. I watched him look around the totes, seeming alarmed and unsuccessful.

"The water's gone." He said. Kate and I gave him worried looks. "Someone's stole it."

**xXx**

The next hour was frantic. Kate, Sayid, Hurley, and I were trying to find the missing water, with no such luck of course. It was also hard to find out who had taken it without letting people know that it was missing. I felt a little guilty that we'd left Charlie with Claire, her being ill and pregnant. But pregnancy and I didn't enjoy each others company.

I was with Kate and Sayid when Hurley came running up to us.

"Uh, the Chinese people have water." He told us. That little fact was enough to make the three very suspicious of the Asian couple we'd barely seen. Still, unfamiliarity didn't keep us from confronting them. Well, Sayid and Kate confronted them, and I was just along for the ride.

"Where did you get this?" Sayid asked the Asian woman as he showed her one of their empty water bottle. After getting no response, he asked two more times.

"She doesn't understand." Kate said.

"She understands me." The Iranian corrected her. "Did you steal this water?" He interrogated the Asian woman again.

She started to say something back in her own language when Asian man approached us yelling.

"Okay, just take it easy alright? We just wanna talk, alright?" Kate tried to calm him down. Then, she picked up the water bottle. "This had water in it, is it yours?" The man didn't respond, he kept his eyes on Sayid. "Who gave you this?" Kate tried again. The Asian man pointed to his right. Looking in that direction, we found Sawyer sitting there, smoking a cigarette.

I sucked in a deep breath._ No._

Kate angrily started to stop his direction, but Sayid held her back.

"I don't see the water." He said in a whisper.

"And?"

"You go after him now, he'll give you nothing. If you wait, a rat will always lead you to its hole." The man explained, still whispering so that the Asian couple couldn't hear. This made Kate hesitate and decide to wait. When she and Sayid walked off, I remained there. _Would he really do something like that? Would he take the water and let everyone else do without? _I thought this through in my head, examining his two, very different sides. Then, in a few seconds, I felt like I had my answer.

**xXx**

We followed him carefully through the jungle, knowing he'd lead us to his secret stash. Then, just as Sayid had predicted, he stopped at a suitcase and began going through it. That's when Kate jumped him and pinned him to the ground.

"Well, it's about time."

"For what?" Kate asked.

"I made this birthday wish four years ago." Sawyer said, showing his perverted side.

"Where's the water?" Kate demanded. The blonde quickly rolled over, pinning Kate. He whispered something inaudible at my distance.

"Get off of me." The brunette ordered. Sayid took action by dragging Sawyer up and pushing him toward my direction. We had him cornered.

"Give us the water now!"

"Touch me again!" Sawyer dared the man as Kate started going through his stash. "You really think I stole your damned water?"

"We know you gave two bottles to the Koreans."

"I don't give nothing to nobody." Sawyer assured.

"It's not here." Kate said after giving up her search in the suitcase.

"I traded Mr. Miyagi the last of my water for a fish he caught. We worked it out caveman style." Sawyer explained.

"You gave him your last two bottles?" Kate asked suspiciously, doubting every word he said.

"Water has no value, Freckles." Sawyer said. _Since when had he given her a nickname?_ "It's gonna rain sooner or later. Hell, I'm an optimist." He added. He walked back towards his private stash, giving me a dark glare as he did so. "You too?" He asked me. I looked at my feet, not knowing what to say.

"Hey, leave her alone." Kate said. She took my hand as we started to leave left Sawyer to his privacy.

"Hey, forgot something." We both turned back as he tossed the U.S. Martial badge at Kate. "Seeing as you're the new sheriff in town, might as well make it official."

**xXx**

"Here's your thief!" Charlie called out to everyone in the middle of the night, pushing Boone to the ground.

"Where'd he hide it?" The black man asked.

"I don't know. This wanker had three bottles on him. Why'd you do it, pretty boy?" Charlie answered, picking Boone up and pushing him around. As people clustered, I fought my way to the scene.

"It was sitting in the . . . just sitting in the tent. Jack just took off." The brunette man tried to defend himself. Angered voices shouted at him.

"Claire could have died!"

"I tried to give her some sooner, but it just got out of hand. No one would have understood." The water thief tried to explain.

"What is going on?" Kate rushed in.

"Somebody had to take responsibility for it, it would have never worked!" The young man attempted to convince them that he was doing the right thing. As Charlie made another go for the thief, I got in front of Boone and Sayid pushed Charlie away.

"Leave him alone!" A familiar voice shouted. Everyone stilled, turning their attention to Jack.

We'd all been worried about him, and there he was.

"It's been six days, and we're all still waiting. Waiting for someone to come. What if they don't?" Jack paused, letting the words sink into everyone. "We have to stop waiting. We need to start figuring things out. A woman died this morning just going for a swim, and he tried to save her and now you're about to crucify him? We can't do this. Every man for himself is not gonna work. It's time to start organizing, we need to figure out how we're gonna survive here."

Survive. That word was a little scary, but I knew what Jack said was true. It was a matter of life and death now.

"Now I found water. Fresh water, up in the valley. Take a group in at first light. If you don't wanna come, then find another way to contribute. Last week most of us were strangers, but we're all here now. And God knows how long we're gonna be here. But if we can't live together, we're gonna die alone."

After Jack's speech, we agreed to divide the rest of our water supply among everyone. I didn't say anything to Boone. I know he was trying to help, but it was a big deal when you stole the whole camp's water.

**xXx**

**{Sawyer's POV}**

"So, how's it feel?" I asked a sulking Boone as I walked up behind him.

"How does what feel?" He asked.

"Taking my place at the top of Everyone's Most Hated List." I said with a smile. The kid didn't say anything. "Sucks, don't it?" _A more accurate way to put it would have been calling it Kennedy's Most Avoided List, but I think the water thief got the hint just fine._


	10. Sleeping At Last

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but I loved that last chapter! I loved how the stuff that I'd added went so well with the episode it was from ( season 1 episode 5 ). It seems that Kennedy and Boone were becoming close friends, Sawyer didn't appear too thrilled about that. Is Kennedy really going to start avoiding them? And will she and Sawyer ever be able to get along for a day? Maybe we'll find out soon! ********If you like, you know what to do. :)**********

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

"I didn't do anything." The black man said to Sayid as I stood just out of the crowd. The Korean male shouted something, I'd just noticed that he was handcuffed to part of the wreckage.

"What happened?" I asked Sawyer when I saw him standing beside me. He seemed a little surprised that I was there.

"Mr. Miyagi over there tackled Michael. Don't know why just yet." He answered nodding his head to the black guy. It upset me a little that people were still fighting each other like children.

"Of course, fighting solves everything." I muttered.

"Surely, there must be something you're not telling us." Sayid said to Michael.

"Surely? Where you from man?" The black man was insulted by the others words.

"Iraq." _I thought he was Iranian, but I was close._

"So, am I back on your good side now that Blue Eyes has the bad reputation?" Sawyer turned to me, a cocky smirk on his face. I looked down at the ground smiling, the conversation between Sayid and Michael was suddenly less important.

"Who said you were ever there to begin with?" I looked at the man at my side, my smile never fading. He laughed, and for once is wasn't over my annoyance toward him. The Asian woman said something none of us could understand, making me focus my attention back to the matter at hand.

"The cuffs stay on." Sayid to her in a form tone."

"Little louder Omar, maybe then she'll understand you." Sawyer added, stepping closer to Michael. I was growing to like his sarcasm, whenever it wasn't directed to me.

"Guys, that Chinese guy is gonna get pretty crispy out here. How long you gonna keep him tied down like that?" Hurley asked, always thinking of the well-being of others.

"He tried to kill Michael, we all saw it. The cuffs stay on until we know why." Sayid said just before walking away, giving the conversation a dramatic end. As everyone went back to their business, it was just Sawyer and I. I stared at the Iraqi as he strode away.

"Something wrong, Red?" The dirty blonde inquired when he noticed me glaring.

"I just don't really agree with everything he does." I replied honestly. I had a gut feeling that Sayid was going to do something to piss some people off, and I wanted to be there when it happened.

**xXx**

It was a little later in the day. I was lazily laying on the beach, close enough into the water that the waves engulfed half of my body when they came in. I did those kinds of random things when I was bored or thinking really hard.

"If you're trying to drown yourself, you misread the instructions." Sawyer said, standing over me.

"I'm thinking." I corrected as I sat up.

"About?" The man sat beside me. When I hesitated to answer, he guessed. "Thinking about living the caveman life, Red?"

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd been thinking about it all day, but hadn't come up with a decision. I'd always been told what to do my whole life, so making decisions wasn't a strength of mine.

"I don't know. I really have no reason to stay on the beach." I answered, keeping my eyes on the ocean ahead. I heard Sawyer scoff.

"I know a couple, rescue is one."

_Rescue. Not something that really concerned me. _

"And the other?" I quizzed, waiting for Sawyer to name off another reason to stay on the beach.

"I'm here." He smiled, making it seem like a joke. But there was something in his voice, something that told me he might have meant it.

"You're staying?" I asked, feeling a little confused. I thought a criminal wouldn't want to get rescued. _Maybe that's why he wasn't a criminal_, a little voice said in my head. When Sawyer nodded, I suddenly had an urge to tell Jack that I was staying. I wasn't sure what it was that made me what to be around Sawyer, but I felt better being wherever he was. After we didn't say anything for a few minutes, it was beginning to feel awkward. I looked down at my feet, as if that was going to help me.

"Do you do that to make sure your toes are still there or somethin'?" The man beside me asked.

"No. Just a habit." I responded in a shy voice, I was sure that Sawyer noticed.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

_What a shy, little thing she was. Too cute for her own damn good._

"Well, Red, Jack and his crew are gonna be heading to that cave soon. What are you doing?" I questioned the girl. I didn't know if what I'd told her had made her change her mind about it, but I was hopeful.

"If I stayed," She paused, looking me straight in the eye. "Would you let me have a shelter close to yours? I felt safe having mine close to Jack, but now that Jack is gone . . ." She trailed off, knowing that I understood her explanation. I had to struggle to fight off a smile. I highly doubted that she wanted to move closer to me just because of Jack's absence, but playing pretend was easier for her.

"I thought you'd never ask." I smiled at her, putting just enough sarcasm into my voice that she'd question it later.

I helped Red move that big piece of metal up the beach to where my tent was set up. A few people watched us out of curiosity, and I knew that there would be some questions coming my way by tomorrow. _Let em think what they want. It was none of their damn business anyway._

"Thanks." Kennedy said after we'd set up her shelter and she'd finished fixing it the way she wanted. I nodded.

When night fell, she and I sat with the others who'd remained on the beach. All of us making a circle around the signal fire. Freckles was eying Red the few times that she wasn't staring off into space. I'd noticed a few people throwing some looks my way too, good thing I was the bad ass who didn't give a shit.

**xXx**

**{Kennedy's POV}**

_I found myself in a hospital bed, my old doctor in front of me. He had on his surgical cap, mask, scrubs, and gloves. Blood covered him  
><em>

_"I'm sorry, but we have some bad news, Ms. White." He said to me in that always dreaded tone. "We weren't able to save him."_

_"What?" I felt the hot tears pour out of my eyes. I wanted him to be lying. _

_"It wasn't your fault, Kennedy. It can happen to anyone." The doctor said, trying to comfort me._

_ "No, you're lying! No! No!" I screamed, feeling like a hole had been cut out of my heart. _

**xXx**

**{Sawyer's POV}**

I was dragged out of sleep by blood chilling screams coming from Kennedy. Scared to death, I jumped out of my tent and ran to her tiny shelter where I found the girl crying out in her sleep. Leaning over her, I gave her shoulders a gentle shake.

"Wake up, darlin'." I begged. Her wild eyes snapped open, staring straight into mine. Her screaming ceased. She had tear stained cheeks and she had her arms wrapped around her stomach for dear life. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"C-Cadan." The girl whimpered. Her pretty, moonlit eyes searched desperately. _Who in the hell was she talking about?_

"Kennedy, you had a bad dream. You're gonna be okay." I said, trying to comfort her. Suddenly, she reached for my arm.

"Sawyer, don't leave." She begged, her words pulled at my heart. But I knew it was a bad idea for me to stay out here with her, exposed to everyone come morning.

"I'm not going anywhere. Come get in my tent and you can sleep in there tonight, okay?" I offered. Kennedy nodded and followed me back into my larger shelter.

The tiny-framed girl laid down beside me with her back to me, her crying was silent but still continuing. I adjusted myself so that I was laying on my side too, watching her. _She was such a pretty, little thing, too pretty to be crying._ Without a word, Kennedy moved backwards, pressing her back into my chest. The contact made me shudder a little, but it also made me smile. _If she was willing to go fifty percent, I might as well fill my part_, I thought to myself as I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her as close as I could.

"Shh. Don't cry anymore, sweetheart." I whispered in her ear, hoping it'd do some good. I hadn't put much thought into what I was saying, but surely she wouldn't remember it.

After a little while, her sniffles stopped and I could feel that relaxing rise and fall of her breathing. I guessed that she was having a better dream. _Probably about me_, I smirked. I felt that it was okay to go to sleep myself, hoping that Kennedy wouldn't wake up again. Sleeping so closely to her had given me the best slumber I'd had the whole time I'd been on the island.


	11. Third Wheel

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: LOVE LOVE LOVED IT! I was smiling the whole time I wrote the end of this chapter. By the way, sorry I usually put the important things at the end of the chapter, I'm going to work on that. But I couldn't help smiling at that last scene, it was adorable! So now that the ice is slowly being broken between these two, things are going to start getting much more interesting. Can someone please leave a review if you don't mind? I've only had a few which leaves me to worry that this story is a dud. I'd really appreciate a review guys. Hope you enjoy this chapter! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

_I was getting sick of the occurring dreams of my haunted past. Last night's dream was strange, I'd seen Sawyer in it. He was taking me to his tent where I laid there until another dream came. It was weird, but I was still sad when it ended._ I felt myself coming out of sleep as I stretched my legs and arms. My eyes slowly blinked, opening my eyes to the realization that the dream had really happened.

The tent was still quite dark, so it must have been pretty early in the morning. Before Sawyer ever got up. I saw and felt his arm around me, his soft breathing on the back of my neck. I wasn't sure if I should slowly make my way out of the tent without waking him, or just stay there. I really didn't want to leave, I wasn't sure when or if this would ever happen again.

I carefully pressed my back into his chest a little more, taking in his comforting warmth. His arm slightly tightened around me. Sawyer made me feel comforted, protected, and whole. The pain I still had from my past always seemed to subside when he was there.

"Red?" His deep voice sounded groggy as he began to wake up. I rolled over on my back, finding the man blinking the sleep out of his aqua colored eyes. He looked at me smiling while he propped his head up with his hand.

"Hi." I whispered sheepishly, noticing how dangerously close our faces were.

"Hi." He responded with that crooked smile of his. _He was gorgeous, even in the morning_. "Sleep good?" He added.

"Yeah." I replied. I wanted to stay here, but I didn't know how anyone would react to finding a young girl sleeping in Sawyer's tent. People probably wouldn't take it in so well.

"Red?" Sawyer asked me, his eyes thoughtful. "Who's Cadan?"

Hearing the name made shoot up out of the spot I was laying.

"Where did you hear that name?" I demanded, my heart racing.

"You said it last night when you were still half asleep." He answered, looking very confused by my behavior. _Had I really said his name?_

"I've got to go." I said as I exited the tent. I didn't look back to see if Sawyer was there, I needed to get away from him before my water works started. I was half way to the ocean when I exploded into tears, letting my emotions run over. I went down on my knees, staring in the purple sky. When Sawyer had said his name, the hole in my heart ripped a little more. I'd never wanted anyone else to know about him and it hurt for others to say his name. It still hurt to hear it from my own lips.

**xXx**

I'd managed to calm myself down after a while, but I didn't go back to Sawyer's place. I knew it would be too awkward. So, to pass time I went for another bath in the ocean, with underwear on this time. The dye from my hair faded a little more, but still not to the point where it was noticeable. It wasn't like I needed to care about what my hair looked like on this island anyway.

After I put on the same clothes I'd been wearing for eight days straight. By now, I'd lost hope of ever finding my suitcase which really worried me. Still, it wouldn't help to whine about it.

Not long after that, Kate found me.

"Hey, I heard screaming last night. It was close to your shelter, did you hear it?" The freckle-faced woman asked.

"Actually, it was me. Just a bad dream." I explained quickly.

"Oh. Well, can I ask something else?"

"Sure." I replied, feeling nervous in my stomach. I already knew what her question would be.

"Why'd you move closer to Sawyer?"

"Uh well, with Jack being gone now I thought that maybe it'd be safer to be sleeping beside someone who could help me if I were in trouble." I explained. _Sleeping beside? That wasn't obvious at all._ Still, Kate seemed to buy it.

"Okay, but just be careful around him, Kennedy. You never know what a guy like that might do." The brunette warned.

I nodded, showing her that I understood, but I felt like I knew a little more about Sawyer than she thought.

"Come on, Jack's here." She said walking up to the doc's old place. I followed closely behind her. We found Jack looking at Kate's mugshot, something no one really wanted to discuss.

"I take better pictures than that." She said, startling the doctor. "Smaller too if you want something for your wallet." She added to help lighten the mood.

"I just came by for a few things and this was . . . this was with my stuff." Jack handed the paper to Kate.

"So you're not staying?"

"Call me a broken record, but caves are natural shelter. And a hell of a lot safer than living her on the beach." The doc explained. Once again I was getting the third wheel feeling.

"You're mad at us." Kate stated definitely. _Us? Why would he be mad at us? She was suppose to be his big buddy, not me._

"No, Kate, I'm not. I just don't understand why you won't come with me. Us. It may be a mile up there, if that." Kate was already shaking her head, refusing to get sucked in.

"We crashed eight days ago, Jack. I'm not setting up house here." She argued.

"I want off this island too, but we all know that's not gonna happen anytime soon." Jack rebuttaled.

"Sayid, he has a plan."

The two kept going on for the next minute or so about the decision to stay on the beach or go off to the caves. I didn't see the whole point in debating which was better or worse. Then, Sawyer came walking into Jack's recently unoccupied shelter which a couple of suit cases.

"Wouldn't mind sharing a few things with these two myself." He replied to Jack's previous statement.

"What do you want, Sawyer." Kate said stiffly.

"Heard the doc here was vacating the premises. Thought I'd best say claims to my new digs before somebody else did." With that, the dirty blonde dropped his suit cases and declared ownership of the shelter.

_Made sense that he would decide to move tents after what happened this morning. _

"I could fix this place up real good, might even find somebody to share it with me." Sawyer said, shooting a flirtatious glance my way.

"I'll talk to you later." Jack said to Kate, clearly annoyed by Sawyer who gave the doc a sarcastic farewell wave.

"Guess he thought I was talking about you." The dirty blonde said to the brunette. She scowled at him.

"Then who were you talking about?" Kate asked defensively. Sawyer peeked at me and then started unpacking his stuff from his bags. Kate watched him do it.

"You stay away from her, Sawyer." Kate whispered angrily, she probably didn't know that I could still hear her. I wasn't sure if she was acting this way because she felt the need to protect me, or if she may have been jealous.

"How 'bout when Red wants an over-protective, big sister, she'll let you know." The man smirked, both of them trying to stare each other down. Then, Kate decided to be the bigger person and walk away.

"Let's go, Kennedy." She said as she passed me. I looked back at Sawyer once, the look on his face told me that he wouldn't be offended. I followed my new, big sister away from the shelter.

**xXx**

Kate brought me with her to see Sayid about the transceiver thing. Boone was there with them as the Iraqi talked about setting three antennas in a triangular perimeter to try to find where the French woman's broadcast was coming from. It all seemed a little confusing to me, although it usually did. Kate was to take one into the jungle, Sayid was going to go up to higher ground, and Boone was to stay on the beach. I wasn't happy with the idea of Kate going into the jungle, not with that thing still loose out there. _Not to mention polar bears_.

"If the French transmission is coming from somewhere within our triangulation, I'll be able to locate the source. But there are two complications." Sayid explained.

"Of course there are." Boone sighed.

"The power cells I've crafted onto the antennas are dry. There's no telling how long they'll last. A minute, maybe more, maybe less."

"So, we have to wait until we're in position before we switch them on." Kate acknowledged.

"Wait a second. How'll we be able to tell that we're actually in the right position? We have no way to communicate with each other." Boone pointed out. The darker skinned man dug into his bag and pulled out three large fireworks.

"Bottle rockets?"

"Now when I'm in position, I'll follow off my rocket. When you two see it, you fire yours. " He pointed to the blue eyed man. "As soon as the last one has gone up, we all switch on our antennas."

_It actually sounded pretty simple, but I'm sure there was a catch._

"Okay, but you said there were two complications." Kate recalled. _Of course_.

"The battery in the transceiver is dead. Without a transceiver, all of this is for nothing. Something from a laptop computer would probably work, but I've not been able to find anything." Sayid said to the brunette. At that moment, she and I exchanged glances, knowing what each other was thinking.

"I think we know a place to look." She said confidently.

**xXx**

"You've been hoarding like a pack rat since the crash and you don't have a single laptop?" Kate said to Sawyer doubtfully. The dirty blonde looked up from his book a second time.

"You are testy. Still upset about your little break up? You and Jack-O?" He mocked.

"Must be exhausting."

"What's that?" The man asked curiously.

"Living like a parasite, always taking never giving." The brunette smirked.

"Well, you got me pegged, don't ya?" Sawyer replied with a cocky smile.

"I get it now. You don't want off this island because there's nothing for you to go back for. Nobody you miss and no one misses you." Kate eyed him slyly. I didn't really like the things she'd said about him, but I knew it was just to get a laptop out of him. I actually knew how it felt not to miss anyone, for no one to miss me. Maybe that was why I didn't see the worry of not getting rescued.

"Aw, you feeling sorry for me?" The man's voice was very soft, almost like this morning.

"I don't feel sorry for you, I pity you."

With that, Sawyer gave a smile of defeat and dug into his suitcase and pulled out a laptop.

"All you had to do was say please." He said, handing her the battery.

We left the man to his reading while we went back to Sayid. I was feeling a little useless just standing around here doing nothing.

"Kate, do you want me to go with you? Just so you don't have to go out there alone?" I asked, feeling a little concerned.

"No, it's okay. I'd rather you stay here on the beach where it's safe." She said just before leaving into the jungle with Sayid. I was really getting tired of being a third wheel to everyone.


	12. Third Degree

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: YES, I'M BACK AND IT'S FINALLY HERE! I kinda got burned out on LOST for a few months, but I knew everyone was dying for chapter 12 and for Kennedy's story to continue. So, here I am with the long awaited chapter 12 of A Beautiful Disaster. Yes, I am going to continue with updates although they might not be posted as quickly as before, with school starting back and all that. But I will keep writing as long as my fans keep reading. I will do all that I can to make sure this story is still going. I'm actually up at 4:00 in the morning writing this. So, read it. Leave a review if you liked it or just to let me know if there is anything I can do to make it better. Thank you all so much for your support and I really hope you enjoy this. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

Bottom line: I was useless here. No one needed my help, and even if they did I was probably unable to do anything. I wasn't strong enough to help move anything or bring water to the beach from the cave, I wasn't brave enough to go into the jungle with Kate and Sayid, not like they wanted me with them anyway. I was just taking up space. I was use to this feeling though and really wasn't surprised that it seemed to follow me to this damn island.

Somehow this led me to think of Sawyer. _God, I was stupid. Running away from him when he was only trying to figure out what had upset me._ I couldn't believe it'd taken me until now to realize now how mean I'd been to him. Sure, he had his faults. One minute, he was a stubborn asshole who didn't have a care in the world. He was mean with that hateful look in his eye. Then, sometimes he was different, gentle even. And all the times that he tried to show me any of that I just went crazy on him. I couldn't understand why, I never use to be like that.

There were a few times that it seemed like he enjoyed to see me mad at him, as if he got some kind of high from it. Then, there were times that I knew I'd hurt him. Thinking back on that night he'd shot that man, it still made me cringe. He was only trying to help someone. Hell, everyone was giving him the third degree, he didn't need it from me. This whole cat and mouse game between us had to stop, because whether I liked it or not, I felt something for Sawyer.

I crawled out of my lean-to where I'd been hiding out and walked across the beach toward Jack's old place. He had to be there, where else was he going to go?

Just as expected, I found Sawyer standing just outside of the makeshift hut, wringing out a shirt I think. His bare back was turned to me as I walked closer to him. I took a few nervous breaths before attempting to speak.

"Sawyer." His name came out clear enough, but my insides were jerking as he started to turn around. I was about to say something else when I group of guys walked by, Charlie was with them.

"Hey, we have to tell Kate about Jack!" The short, blonde man said to them. _Jack? What was wrong with Jack?_

"Sorry, sport. Just missed her." Sawyer turned toward Charlie while he finished draining the water out of his soaked, twisted shirt. "Her and Mohammed headed into the woods about ten minutes ago." I guess he thought it would be funny to pronounce it as MoHAMed.

"Which way?" Charlie asked him.

"Don't sweat it, amigo. I know which way they went."

"Yeah, but-" The shorter blonde started. Sawyer held up his hand and cut him off.

"I'll tell her. You just keep doin', whatever it is you do around here." With that, he began to walk towards the jungle. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back to look at me. Again, I saw that smirk.

"You comin', Red?" His question shocked me. Sawyer knew how clumsy and impossible I was in the jungle, I didn't think he'd want to go through that again. And what if that 'thing' came after us? Then, I realized that this would give me time to talk to him. And he'd saved my life before, more than once.

"Okay." I answered nervously and followed Sawyer as he went to tell Kate about Jack and whatever had happened to him.

**xXx**

Once we were far enough into the dense forest, that jittery feeling came over me again. Sawyer was still carrying his damp shirt in his hand and I was finding it hard not to stare at his naked torso. His toned chest and stomach made my cheeks feel really warm. I think he noticed my glancing eyes every few minutes because he just kept smiling.

"Wanna stop?" He asked, looking over at me. _We've only been walking for five minutes, if that. Why would I need a break? It wasn't like I was Hurley._ I mentally scowled myself for thinking that. Hurley had been way too nice for me to even make that kind of judgement towards him. Still, I wasn't a baby and I didn't want to be treated like one. I shook my head no.

Sawyer shrugged at my response and he quickened his pace. I figured that he only did it to annoy me, but I wasn't going to let him win. I sped up my stride until I was practically power walking. When the blonde decided to start jogging is when I broke out into a run. My older sister, Megan, was in track throughout junior high and high school. She was one of the best girls on her team and I'd practiced with her quite often, so running was one of those few things I was good at. Of course, the high grasses and tangling ferns here were very different from an asphalt track. However, that wasn't enough to let Sawyer get ahead of me even though he was in a full sprint.

It felt -great, actually- to be better than another person at something.

After about a hundred yards further into the jungle, Sawyer must have been tired of losing because he'd caught up close enough to touch me. That's when I felt one hand grab the back of my tank top and his other arm wrapped around my waist and he dragged me down onto the forest floor. I didn't hurt, and even if I did have any scraps on me, I was too busy laughing as was the blonde man who was now laying beside me. I'd never heard him really laugh before and I'll admit that it was a surprise.

Our laughter died down as Sawyer rolled over on his side, almost on top of me. His gorgeous eyes were gazing into mine, his smile fading into something more serious. I did the same. Aside from the sounds of little critters around us, the only thing I heard was our breathing and how mine and his strangely felt like one. I could honestly say that I felt a little afraid of what might possibly happen next, but I didn't feel the need to look away from this man's eyes. I couldn't even if I tried. _Oh God. I want to kiss him_. That realization hit me so hard that it brought my stomach up into my throat.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

_Damn her! She is absolutely irresistible._ God knows I wanted to kiss her so bad that I couldn't stand it. But it was wrong on so many levels. Hell, I was thirty five and she was only nineteen. Just a fucking kid! Knowing that didn't make me want it any less, but I just couldn't do it. I wasn't going to do that to her.

"Sawyer." She finally spoke up, but it wasn't even above a whisper.

"Hm?" I smiled at her. In the back of my mind I was hoping that she'd kiss me instead. At least then she couldn't get pissed off at me for it. I waited impatiently for a moment, only to be disappointed.

"I'm sorry. About this morning, and every time I've been mad at you." She said softly. It amazed me how innocent she was, that just made my temptation stronger. But unless she was going to kiss me, I'd just have to learn to control myself I guess.

"Forget it." I answered simply, my smile went away as I got up from the ground and dusted myself off. I wasn't sure if Red was confused or saddened by me moving, but I needed to get back to looking for Freckles before I completely lost it. _Hell, I knew I wasn't the only one that felt that connection._ But I reminded myself that Kennedy was a frail, shy girl. She wasn't going to leave anything to chance. She was afraid of me and this weird thing that we had going on, if it was anything at all.

I held out my hand to help her to her feet, surprisingly she took it. Now standing, she brushed the dirt and dead grass from her arms and legs. Her red hair had several twigs that I thought I'd be kind enough to remove for her. Then, there she went. Her eyes dropped down to her little dirt-covered feet. _She needs shoes and new clothes._ I hated the fact that she was so bashful, but at the same time I think that's one of the things that drew me to her. After a few seconds, she lifted her head, she was chewing on her bottom lip.

"Um, Kate." She muttered quietly. I suddenly remembered what we were out here for in the first place.

**{Kennedy's POV}**

After reminding Sawyer that we needed to go look for Kate, he just nodded and started walking again. As I followed him, we were still catching our breath and a thin layer of sweat still covered our bodies. I stayed a few feet behind him this time.

I was a little upset when he'd moved from where we were laying, but I also couldn't have been more grateful that he , I wanted to kiss him, but there was no way I could have brought myself to do it. I think he might have wanted to kiss me too, I wasn't sure though. _If he wanted to kiss me, why didn't he? I wasn't going to stop him._ I just needed to stop thinking about it.

Not even a minute later, Sawyer and I saw Kate and Sayid walking and we went to them. I still didn't know what was going on with Jack, I'd forgotten to ask, but at least I would find out now. _Oh God, what is Kate going to say when she finds out that I came out here with Sawyer? She's going to kill me, or at least one of us. _It was too late to run and hide now. We stopped in front of them.

"Hey." Sawyer said as he still seemed to be out of breath. Kate glanced at me, crossing her arms.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She looked to the blonde man that I'd came with, but it seemed as if that question was directed to the both of us.

"Easy." Was his first response to Kate's acidic words. He took a few breathes before speaking again. "I came to tell you somethin'."

"What makes you think I'm interested in anything you have to say?" She spat back, her eyes narrowing on him. Whatever she was pissed at Sawyer for, I knew that me being here with him had just been piled on to that. The blonde hesitated as they stared each other down. I wouldn't have been surprised if a fight broke out right now.

Sawyer sighed. I felt like I was having an out-of-body flashback of how I'd treated him before. He was only coming to tell Kate something about Jack and she was just being a complete ass about it.

"Just came to tell you that you were right 'bout me. That I don't help anyone but myself. Well, here I am, ready to pitch in." After what Sawyer said, I wanted to just blurt out the truth. That something was wrong with Jack and she needed to see what it was.

"You're here to help." I wasn't sure if Kate was asking a question or just repeating those words, but she started to walk off with Sayid.

"Hey, if you don't act more surprised, I'm gonna get offended." Sawyer added as he started walking. I hurried to catch up with Kate. She didn't say anything to me.

"Kate?" I said, hoping that she'd at least acknowledge me. Instead, she completely ignored me and kept walking. I knew she was too upset to talk with me, but I hated it when people made me invisible. Still, I thought it best if she just walk off her anger and I'd try again whenever we got to where we were going. She might listen to me then. _Maybe not._


	13. I Don't Know What He's After

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: YAY! I'm so happy that I've started working with this story again. Kennedy has to be one of my favorite OC's even though she's not what many people expect. I loved the last chapter and I hope everyone else did too. I'm so excited for you to read this next chapter so please leave me a review and tell me what you think. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

We made it through the woods into a clearing on a hill. Kate and I hadn't said a word to each other. Normally, I would feel guilty about something like this, but it really didn't bother me as much as I expected.

"We'll place the second antenna here." Sayid said, sliding his back pack off his shoulder. He looked at Sawyer. "You want to help?"

Sawyer gave him a nod. Kate dug into her bag and pulled out what looked like one of the antennas. She handed it to Sayid who then handed it to Sawyer.

"Attach this antenna," The dark-skinned man pointed towards a nearby tree. "Up in that tree. High up as you can."

Sawyer gave him one those looks that said 'yeah, you're crazy.'

"Golly. Thanks, boss." The blonde said before going to do his job. His sarcasm made me smile.

Once again, it was just us with me being the third wheel. Sayid bent down and was looking into his pack, giving Kate a very serious look.

"Five o' clock. Watch for my flare. Then, it's your turn." He paused for a moment after reminding her what to do. "I don't trust him." He finally said. I bit my lip, taking offense to what Sayid said. He didn't know Sawyer.

"Who does?" Kate smiled. Sayid stood up, sighing.

"I don't trust him with you two." His voice was serious, but again Kate only grinned.

"I can handle him." She said confidently. Now that I had finally admitted to myself that I liked Sawyer for more than a friend - if we even were friends - I think I might have been a little jealous. But I wasn't sure why. I guess because Kate thought Sawyer was interested in her, then again maybe he was._ What if I was just being used to get to her? _Sayid half smiled before saying one last thing.

"But can she?" He started walking back towards the jungle. I watched the dark-skinned man as he disappeared behind the foliage. _Did he really think Sawyer would do anything to hurt me?_

Kate turned to look at Sawyer who was already up in the tree placing the antenna. Then, her eyes went to me.

"What were you thinking, Kennedy?" She asked me, sounding too much like a mother. I couldn't give her an answer, not one that she wanted to hear. "I thought I made it clear that I didn't want him around you?"

"We were just coming to find you." I sighed.

"That doesn't matter. I don't like you being alone with him. Sayid was right, he could hurt you." I understood Kate's concern for me, but it wasn't needed.

"Kate, I know you feel like you have to protect me, but I'm fine. Really." I didn't say anything else. I went and sat in the grass. I was sure that it would be an interesting time while we waited for five o'clock to come around.

**xXx**

This was agonizing. The three of us just waiting around, not talking. I wouldn't be able to talk to Sawyer, not with Kate watching. It was like when two kids are fighting and their parents place them on opposite sides of the room. Every few minutes or so, the blonde man would like at me from his spot on the ground. Sometimes it would just be a glance, other times we would watch each other for several minutes and smile. _It was high school all over again, if Sawyer was that good-looking Math teacher. No, no. He didn't seem like the number crunching type. English maybe? He liked to read. Oh yes, English definitely. _

Kate watched us both closely, Sawyer especially. It's like she thought he was going to snatch me right up and drag me off into the woods. A part of me wouldn't mind if he did. _What the hell was I thinking?! I was hoping for something that would never happen. Sawyer is a crush, that's it!_ I noticed Kate check her watch again, it had only been the fourth time in ten minutes.

"Still ain't five, just like the last time you checked your watch." Sawyer said to her.

"I just don't want to miss Sayid's signal." She replied, impatiently tapping the bottle rocket in her hand. "Remember, I'll fire the flare, you set off the antenna."

"I just thank the good Lord I got you here to keep remindin' me." The blonde smiled sheepishly.

"It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta go it." Kate smiled back at him. _Was she . . . flirting?_ That thought made me bite my lip, hard. Sawyer chuckled at her response.

"So what is it about that guy? Jack?" He continued as the brunette sat down beside me. "What is it about him that makes you all . . . weak in the loins?"

I wasn't sure if he was doing this just to annoy me or if he was actually flirting back.

"You try to be a pig, or does it just come naturally?" Kate asked, a hint of a smirk on her lips. Sawyer glanced at me, but I wouldn't look at him.

"So he's a doctor, right?" At this the older girl smiled. "Yeah, the ladies dig the doctors. Hell, gimme a couple of band-aids, bottle of peroxide, I could run this island too."

"You're actually comparing yourself to Jack?" Kate stared at him doubtfully. Sawyer looked at her too, almost glaring.

"The difference between us ain't that big, sweetheart." He started smugly. "I guarantee you if he'd have survived a few more weeks on this island, you'd figured that out."

At this, Kate turned back to him and my stomach dropped.

"What did you just say?" Kate dared, her voice was low. Sawyer purposely hesitated.

"Ah damn. Didn't I tell you? Word from the valley is Saint Jack got himself buried in a cave-in." The man said, his voice disgustingly calm. _That's what happened to Jack? Why didn't he say anything?!_ It didn't matter how bad he wanted to get back at Kate for being an ass, that wasn't something for him to mess with.

"What?" The other girl got up quickly. Her eyes full of worry, mine darted back and forth between her and Sawyer.

"Look at the bright side," He began. "Now you have someone else to pity."

His eyes were narrowed with that conniving look of his. Kate threw the bottle rocket at him and took off jogging back into the jungle. I still sat there, stunned by what I'd just heard. I stood up slowly, still staring at Sawyer who watched me indifferently.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

_Ah hell, here it goes again_. I'd expected she'd be upset about what I told Freckles. _Let her get mad, she would have sooner or later anyway._

"So much for bein' sorry, eh Red?" I knew adding a smirk would just burn her up, so I did. She eyed me for another moment before picking up the bottle rocket and throwing at me as the other just did. I couldn't hold back laughing at her. She was being childish, but it was funny and cute.

I guess she took that as me making fun of her because she walked off after Kate. _Boy, did I like watching her get hot headed._

**{Kennedy's POV}**

"Kate!" I called after the brunette who was jogging through the grass. She didn't answer me and she didn't stop. "Kate!" I repeated.

"Why didn't you say anything, Kennedy?" She wheeled around to face me.

"I didn't-" I started.

"Jack's life may be on the line and you just stood back and let that happen?!"

"Kate, I swear I didn't know. Sawyer never said anything to me." I tried desperately to explain to her that I had no part in this. She cocked her brow and my response and narrowed her eyes.

"Guess this just goes to show you don't know who you can and can't trust." She said calmly before turning back around and running away. _How could she think that I would keep something like that from her?! I would never do anything to hurt anybody._ I felt like Kate was turning her back on me, just like my family had done.

**xXx**

Jack greeted me with a smile when I walked into the cave. I hurried to his side in front of the fire pit and wrapped my arms around his stomach for a quick hug. I was so relieved to find him alive.

"Didn't expect to see you here."He laughed.

"It's just for tonight. I kinda got lost in the woods so it took me a while just to make it here." I explained. Kate was on his other side, she looked at me and I thought maybe she'd smiled. I noticed that Jack's right arm was in a makeshift sling.

"It's nothing. Could've been much worse." He laughed it off.

"I'm glad you're okay, Jack." I smiled, truly meaning what I said. I liked Jack, and I hoped that Kate hadn't told him anything about the drama earlier.

"You must be tired. Want some water?" He asked me as he stood up.

"It's okay, I can get it." I insisted. Jack had had a tough day and I didn't want him to think that he had to do me any favors.

"No, I got it. You've been on your feet enough today. Just take it easy." He pressed and walked off to the cave's spring.

It was quiet between Kate and me. We exchanged looks but I was too afraid to say anything.

"This is awkward." Her smile was visible this time. It confused me a little, I thought she was mad.

"Yeah." I nodded, my eyes looked into the flames of the fire pit.

"Listen, Kennedy. I'm sorry. I was upset before and the only way I knew to deal with it was to blame you. I was wrong." I turned back to the brunette who could not have been more sincere. "If you say that you didn't know about what happened today, then I believe you."

We both smiled. I was glad that Kate wasn't upset with me anymore. She was such a good friend and she was like another big sister to me. Still grinning she placed her hand on mine. She gave it a gentle squeeze which made me wince a little.

"You okay?" She asked, gently taking my hand and looking it over.

"Oh. I just got some splinters. Getting lost in the jungle isn't so fun." I laughed shyly. Kate accepted my explanation as she carefully examined my palm which had several tiny pieces of wood wedged under the skin.

Jack returned to his seat with a bottle of water for me. I thanked him and took a few large gulps, feeling my thirst slowly ease away. Again my attention went back to the fire, but my mind was on Sawyer. I wasn't sure if he was back at the beach or not. I wondered whether or not he was concerned that I wasn't there. _Probably not_. Today had been so weird. When we were alone together, I realized my feelings for him. But I didn't think he had feelings for me, I wasn't sure. The way he acted with Kate made me wonder if she was who he wanted. _I don't know what he's after_.


	14. He's A Tragedy

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

****Author's note:** I'm so excited! I can't believe I've made it to chapter 14. I am truly in love with this story and KennedyxSawyer. I know that the pairing is really strange and Kennedy isn't the type of person that you'd see Sawyer going after . . . but the story has grown on me and I hope all of my fans feel the same way. I can't wait for you to read this chapter and to get some feedback on really makes my day when fans give me a review telling me how much they enjoy reading this Fic. It makes me so happy you don't even know. So, I really hope you like this chapter guys. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

_I opened the door to my new dorm room, while trying to carry three suitcases full of maternity clothes. _

_"Oh, let me help." A short, blonde girl with an Australian smiled as she jumped off her bed. She took two of my bags and set them next to the unoccupied bed next to the window. I noticed that she had a slim figure, all except for her stomach.  
><em>

_"This was my bed, but when I heard that you were going to be my new roomie, I wanted you to have the window view." The girl was so bubbly. It surprised me given her situation.  
><em>

_"Oh, um, thank you." I forced a smile. I took my teal suitcase and placed it on my new bed.  
><em>

_"Oh, your American! That's so neat." She grinned from ear to ear as she sat in front of me on her bed. "So, is Kennedy your last name?" She wondered, glancing at the name on my suitcase.  
><em>

_"Um, no. It's my first name." I looked down at my feet shyly. Looking back up at my roommate, she had her head slightly cocked to the side.  
><em>

_"That's actually very pretty. My name's Christie." I smiled sheepishly at her comment and I bit my lip a little. _

_Looking the girl over a little more closely, I noticed a cross necklace around her neck and she wore a WWJD bracelet on her right wrist. That and the fact that her name was Christie gave me the idea that she was a Christian. A pregnant Christian girl who couldn't be over seventeen.  
><em>

_"So, um, how far along are you?" She asked me very politely, smiling at my stomach that now had a clear bulge.  
><em>

_"Uh, twenty weeks. I think?" I answer her uncertainly.  
><em>

_"Really? I'm thirty two weeks." Christie said proudly. "Do you know what you're having?" She asked. I hadn't really thought about that, it didn't really matter to me.  
><em>

_"No. I haven't seen a doctor since I before I left home." I admit honestly. Christie nodded.  
><em>

_"Well, how about we make an appointment to see. The school has its own doctor and all of your ultrasounds are free." My roommate insisted. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. I didn't feel anything for . . . it. But I guess it couldn't hurt, at least I wouldn't have to call this baby an 'it' anymore.  
><em>

_"Okay." I smile._

**xXx**

When I woke up, I didn't have that agonizing pain in my chest like before. But the memory did irritate the scar on my heart. I didn't want the chance to fall back to sleep, so I got up. I was amazed at how different morning time looked in the jungle surrounding the cave. It was foggy and darker than the beach since the sun was blocked out by the plant life.

"Hey." Kate greeted me. She seemed much more energetic than I did. "You okay? You look tired."

"Yeah, yeah. I woke up a few times last night." I lied. She bought my story though. "You heading back to the beach?"

"Well, I thought go find some fruit to bring back to everybody first."

"Oh. Well, I can help. The more we can get, the better." I offered, feeling like it was the least I could do.

"You sure?" She asked with a warm smile.

"Mhm. I saw some banana trees on my way here yesterday. I can show you where I found them."

"Okay." The girl added before gathering up her backpack. I was glad that I finally had a job to do and that Kate believed that I was able to do it.

I went over to the spring to refill my water bottle when I saw Jack with Sayid. The dark-skinned man seemed to be bleeding from the back of his head while the doctor was taking a look at it.

"Looks like you crossed the line with somebody." I said to Sayid indifferently while I filled the bottle up with water. The man eyed me, but I turned around and started out of the cave. _Sayid deserved it._

**xXx**

I'd found the bananas again. Kate cut two stems down and we each carried one over our shoulder. It was kinda heavy for me, but I didn't want her thinking that I couldn't do something as simple as getting bananas.

We decided that walking along the beach to camp would be faster than going back through the jungle. It was clearer out here, no fog or trees to block out the sun.

We hadn't walked far before finding a small pile of stuff lying in the sand. When we came upon it, I found that it a pair of clothes, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and a book with a rabbit on the cover. _Now, who wore boots, smoked, and liked to read?_ Curiously, Kate picked up the thick paperback and examined it for a moment.

"Hell of a book!" We heard that familiar voice to our left. There, crouched down in the water, was Sawyer. He gave us a smile as he stood up. The water's surface barely came up to his lower waist.

Kate tossed the book down as the man stepped up onto the beach. All the blood rushed to my face when I realized that he was completely naked. I had butterflied in my stomach and I even felt a little dizzy. I quickly looked to my feet, though I'd already gotten a peak. _Oh. My. God._

"It's about bunnies." He said as he continued to walk toward us. He didn't seem embarrassed at all, but hell he had no reason to be.

"Must be cold without your trunks." Kate teased him.

"You bet. Might need someone to come over here and warm me up." Sawyer said as he pulled on his pants. I felt that it was safe enough to look at him now.

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Sawyer." I saw Kate narrow her eyes as she readjusted the banana stem on her shoulder.

"Oh don't flatter yourself, Freckles." The blonde said after Kate had already started to walk away. He turned to me and winked. Nervously, I lowered my eyes and kept walking. Kate was beautiful so I knew he had to be just teasing me. _He was only teasing, right?_

**xXx  
><strong>

**{Jack's POV}**

"This is gonna hurt." I warned Sayid before carefully pressing the damp cloth onto the cut in the back of his head. The man didn't have any other scrapes on him that would've suggested him stumbling and landing on a rock.

"Ready to tell me what happened?" I asked.

"We were trying to find the source of the distress call." He started. "I saw the flare from the beach, and then the flare from Sawyer's position in the jungle. I switched on my antenna, activated the transceiver, and then, darkness." He explained.

I paused a moment to try to think through the information I'd just heard.

"However hit me came from behind." The man added._ This was meant to be a surprise attack._

"And destroyed the equipment?" I guessed.

"Yes." Sayid nodded. I wasn't exactly positive about who would have done this, but I had my suspicions.

"Listen, we're gonna figure this out, but don't do-"

"I will do what I need to do to find the person responsible." Sayid interrupted as he looked me in the eye very seriously. The way he put his words led me to think that he might have his suspicions too.

"Anyone in particular, you think?" I asked him.

"We were the only ones in the jungle that I know about." He began. I instantly connected the dots.

"And Kate was on her way here, so Sawyer was the closest one to you." I started, but Sayid shook his head.

"That girl, Kennedy, was with them."

"So, Kennedy would have been able to fire the flare and turn on that antenna while Sawyer was on his way to you." I guessed again. Still, Sayid didn't seem convinced with that.

"She went with us when we tried to get a signal on the radio a few days ago, I watched her. The girl can't climb. Whoever was at the third flare had to fire it off and then quickly climb up into the tree to turn on the antenna." The dark-skinned man suggested. I had an idea of what he was getting at, but I wasn't sure.

"What are you saying?" I pressed, hoping he wasn't about to tell me what I thought he was. Instead, he just gave me one of those looks.

"You think Kennedy attacked you?" I couldn't believe it. When he nodded, I only smiled.

"I'm not sure we're talking about the same girl, here. She's a sweetheart, she wouldn't hurt anybody." I said confidently. In the time that I'd spent with Kennedy so far, I'd learned a lot about her. She was very shy and insecure. The sweetest person that I'd met on this island. And to think that she could ever hurt someone was unreal, not only because I believed her to be physically incapable, but I didn't think she had it in her.

"She doesn't like me." He was whispering now. "And there's something going on between her and Sawyer. They were together when they met up with us in the jungle. I've seen the way they look at each other and it's not good, Jack."

All of this stuff that Sayid was telling me was shocking. I knew that Sawyer kept showing up around Kennedy more and more, but I didn't think anything of it before. I figured Sawyer to be a lot of things, but a pedophile wasn't one of them._ Until now._

"I believe that if he would try talking her into doing his dirty work for him, she would do it." Sayid whispered to me, confident in every word he spoke.

"Come to think of it, she was talking to Kate last night about having splinters in her hands. She said she'd got them from the jungle but . . ." I trailed off, realizing that it was making a little bit more sense.

"We need some help over here!" I heard a girl's voice. I looked over to see that blonde girl carrying Boone into the cave. His face was a bloody mess. Sayid and I hurried over and set him down.

"What happened?" I asked urgently. The kid looked up at me, still catching his breath.

"Sawyer." That name brought Sayid and I to exchange looks. There had been two occurrences now where Sawyer had been brought up.

**xXx**

"Jack, it's fine." Boone protested as I started to clean up his face. "It's just a scrape."

"Yeah. Lots of scrapes today." I replied stiffly and continued to doctor the cut. I went back to apply more medicine on the cloth as it there wasn't much on it to begin with. "I'm runnin' out of peroxide." I said mostly to myself.

"It was just Sawyer? No one else?" I added, wondering if Kennedy might have had anything to do with this too.

"No, one else. He just jumped me, man." Boone went on as I knelt in front of him again.

"Why?" I demanded. He hesitated.

"Shannon has asthma."

"Asthma?" I repeated, feeling surprised. I'd never seen her with an inhaler or anything. "I've never seen her have an attack before."

"'Cause she had an inhaler. She sneaks it when no one's looking. She's been embarrassed about it since she was a kid." He explained as I pressed the cloth to his forehead again. "I guess breathing's not cool." He winced. I caught the first words he said.

"Had an inhaler?" I repeated.

"It ran out a couple of days ago. But I had four refills. Should have been enough for a couple months, but she ALWAYS forgets her medication so I put it in my suitcase. Today, I see that jackass reading Watership Down-."

"You're loosing me." I say, trying to figure out what a book about rabbits had to do with Shannon's medicine.

"It was in my bags, the stuff that I checked." Boone informed me quickly. "If he has my book, he has my luggage. If he has the luggage, he has the inhalers."

All of that made perfect sense. We both looked at Shannon who clearly was panicked and seemed uncomfortable.

"Her breathing got really rough today, man. If she has an attack, it's not gonna be good." Boone looked me in the eye desperately.

"What's not gonna be good?" A quiet voice asked. Our eyes darted to a familiar red-haired girl in front of us. I was more surprised than usual about seeing Kennedy. I suppose Sayid's opinion of her made me change my own feelings about her. She quickly threw all of her attention to Boone.

"What happened?" She asked as she sat beside him. Her expression full of concern for the boy as if she were completely clueless, but she really did seem shocked.

"He was looking through Sawyer's private stash trying to find his sister's medicine. Sawyer attacked him." I summarized the whole conversation for her.

"What?!" She turned to me, her eyes wide and alarmed. Although I'd taken into consideration what Sayid has told me, Kennedy didn't act as if she had no idea about any of this.

"Damn, I forgot." Boone started digging into his pockets until he pulled out what appeared to be a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to the girl. Her nervous fingers carefully unfolded what I discovered was a photograph. Kennedy must have been very familiar with it as I watched the blood drain from her face. I leaned closer to get a better view.

It was a picture of two girls. One was obviously Kennedy, and she had her arm wrapped around the shoulder of a brunette in a white cap and gown that shared her facial features.

"Where did you get this?" Kennedy asked, her blue eyes still staring at the photo.

"I found it in Sawyer's stash. Right next to your suitcase." Boone answered her. Kennedy's breathing hitched, she wasn't able to speak. I wasn't sure if she had anything to do with attacking Sayid, but I knew that she had nothing to do with what happened to Boone.

This made me even more angry at Sawyer. Not only did he have all of Kennedy's stuff, but he also had Shannon's medication which she desperately needed. _That son of a bitch!_

**{Kennedy's POV}**

Jack jumped up and stomped out of the cave. I snapped out of my frozen state to watch him leave, I knew exactly where he was going. Still, I was worried about Boone. I knew he was okay, but I couldn't believe Sawyer would do this to him.

"Hey." He smiled at me. "I told you I'd find your stuff."

_God love him, he was the sweetest person._ Not putting much thought into what I was doing, I pressed my lips to his cheek.

"Thank you." I whispered, the overwhelming feeling of shyness was starting to take over. I got up and started to follow they way that Jack had went.

**xXx**

I'd managed to keep up with Jack though I kept my distance knowing he was on edge. When he arrived to Sawyer's shelter he didn't hesitate in going through his stuff. I remained a few feet back, watching Sawyer quickly fold up a piece of paper.

"Where is it?" Jack demanded.

"Hey, doc. Long time no see." Sawyer muttered, hiding the paper.

"Where is it?!" Jack repeated, his impatience growing more and more.

"Where's what?"

"The girl's asthma medicine. Shannon, her inhalers. Kennedy's stuff, all of it." The doctor said, walking right up to the blonde.

"Oh that." He wasn't defensive, he didn't even act like he cared. _As usual._

"You attacked a kid who was trying to help his sick sister."

"No, I whooped a thief 'cause he was going through my stuff." Sawyer corrected. He kept talking, but Jack was shouting over him. Even when Jack had finished yelling, Sawyer still went on about how he had a right to protect his property. That's what ticked me off. _It wasn't his stuff, it was mine!_

"Get up." Jack tried to control himself, but I half expected for the two to go at each other right there.

"Why, you wanna see who's taller?" The blonde grumbled sarcastically.

"Get up!" The man in front of him said again.

"You sure you wanna make this your problem, doc?" Sawyer tested.

"Oh yeah. I'm sure." By this point, I wasn't sure if Jack could contain himself anymore. But I knew that I couldn't.

Sawyer had stabbed me in the back and in the worst possible way. I could handle being confused and taunted by him, but taking everything that I had in the world was where I drew the line. As soon as he stood up is where I just lost it completely. I didn't even feel like me anymore as I stomped in front of him, not even giving him time to register what I might do. I threw a closed fist at his face, as hard as I could. I felt my knuckles hit his scruffy chin and I had never felt as good as I did in that split second of watching Sawyer stumble and nearly fall.

**{Sawyer's POV}**

_HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT THAT HURT! Damn girl's got guts._

I turned to Kennedy, she looked like a deer in headlights. I took a second to wipe the blood from the corner of my mouth before I took a step closer to her. I almost tempted to shake her hand and say 'good job' for a punch like that.

"Leave her alone, Sawyer." Jackass stepped in between the two of us as if I was about to snap her neck. The fact that he thought I'd actually hurt her pissed me off more than him accuse me of hoarding a girl's medicine. I had the urge to knock his head off now.

"Hey." _Freckles just had to friggin' show up_. "What's going on her?"

At that point, Jack let off and stuck his damn tail between his legs. He walked off, taking Kennedy with him. The brunette followed them.I watched them leave, still trying to dismiss the throbbing in my jaw.

**{Kennedy's POV}**

"I'm gonna kill him." Jack spat as we walked down the beach.

"That's not gonna help get the medicine." Kate reminded him, closely tagging behind us.

"Maybe not, but it'll feel good."

"So what's stopping you?" Kate tested. Jack stopped, his breathing ragged and his eyes fierce.

"We're not savages, Kate. Not yet." He replied, pacing back and forth.

"Let me talk to Sawyer." The brunette insisted.

"What makes you think he's gonna listen to you?" The doctor demanded. "We both know that he's not interested in a damn thing either of us have to say."

"And you have a better idea?" Kate arched her brows, waiting to hear what kind of great idea that he had planned this time. Jack paused before looking at me. Kate and I knew what he was thinking.

"You've got to be kidding me." She spat doubtfully. I took offense to her statement. "No, there's no way I'm letting this happen."

"Call me crazy, Kate, but Kennedy knows Sawyer . . . a hell of a lot better than the rest of us. And we need to get that medicine." Jack told her basically the truth. I knew Sawyer better than she did and I don't think she was happy that someone was actually saying it to her face.

"Yeah, well I know that you're just giving Sawyer what he wants and putting her in danger. I saw what happened, and I saw how he reacted to it." Kate protested.

"Hey, I don't like this any better than you do. But the bottom line is that we have to get Shannon her medication and Kennedy is the only person that has a chance at getting through to Sawyer." Jack said, believing everything he said to be the truth of things. It felt weird having the two of them argue about me, but it was nice to know that Jack thought that I was capable of helping in other ways than searching for bananas. Kate stubbed up for a moment.

"Fine, but I'm going with her." She finally agreed. I knew she'd have to involve herself somehow, but it was a comprise I could live with.

**xXx**

I found Sawyer farther down the beach away from camp, and he was chopping up dead tree branches with an axe. _Oh great! _After what had happened not even half an hour ago, confronting Sawyer while he had something in his hand he could kill me with was just peachy.

I stopped at a conveniently placed tree, as if the distance from him made me feel any safer. _Just going to have a nice little chat with him about the inhalers. Right._

"Sawyer." I worked up the courage to call to him from behind the safety of the tree. The sweaty man turned around to glance back before bringing his axe down on the helpless piece of wood that I was sure he imagined was me. When I didn't say anything else, Kate took a step forward.

"What do you want?" She asked_. _The blonde turned around again.

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want, Sawyer?" She repeated, making sure to define each word. I watched the man pause and half turn his body.

"Freckles, I got so many answers to that question I wouldn't even know where to start." Was his reply before returning to his current task.

"What do you want for the inhalers?" The girl beside me questioned. _So much for me doing the talking_. I mentally laughed at myself._ I'm a coward and I know it._

At this, Sawyer paused.

"Ah, good question. Hang on a tick." He said before cutting into the branch again.

I had a bad feeling about what his answer might be.

"What do I want?" He thought aloud. He hesitated, catching his breath. Thinking. "A kiss oughta do it." He answered simply. I felt my stomach drop.

"What?" Kate seemed taken back as well. Sawyer turned around a third time, showing off that little smile of his.

"A kiss." He said again. That's when he turned his attention to me. "From you, right now."

Those words made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. _He wanted me to kiss him?_ The thought of it made me feel sick, but somehow in a good way. I saw Kate gaze at both of us.

"I don't buy it." She said with her lips formed into a witty smile. _Dear God, what was there for her to buy?_ _She really couldn't stand the thought of Sawyer being interested in anyone but her._

"Buy what?" Sawyer asked, going back to chopping the wood again.

"The act. You try too hard, Sawyer. I ask you to help a woman who can't breathe and you want Kennedy to kiss you?" She went on doubtfully. "Nobody's that disgusting."

I felt like Kate was the one stabbing me in the back now. After last night, I thought that she'd have a different attitude, but the jealousy was clear in her voice and she was pathetically trying to cover it up by throwing Sawyer under the bus. _She didn't know him at all, and this was her way of trying to earn brownie points?_

"I've seen you, ya know." She eyed him carefully.

"Seen me what?" The man asked indifferently.

"With that piece of paper, the one you keep in your pocket. I've seen the expression on your face when you read it. How carefully you fold it up. It means something to you." She spoke slowly, just trying to hit a nerve now. Judging by the way Sawyer brought the axe down on the wood, I'd say she was spot on.

"Kate, stop. Let's just go." I said, hoping that she would leave him alone.

"So you can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being buried down in there somewhere." She finished, all the while completely ignoring what I'd just said. "Give me the medication." She begged.

Again, Sawyer stopped what he was doing and half turned.

"You think you understand me." I could tell how tense he was by the way he spoke. He was getting angry.

"Yeah." Kate answered confidently. "I think I have a-"

"Shut up!" Sawyer growled, glaring at her. _Oh God._ I took another step further behind the tree as he came towards us. I was a little less afraid when he threw the axe down though.

"You wanna know what kinda human being I am?" He questioned, getting right in Kate's face. She stepped back, feeling intimidated now. The blonde man tore a folded up paper out of his pocked and offered it to her, his eyes filled with so much anger. "Read it."

When Kate didn't respond, he forced the paper into her hand.

"Read it." He growled again. "Out loud, so she can hear it too."

He glanced at me, then quickly back to the other girl. He stared at her as she started to read what the paper said.

"Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are and I know what you've done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry and he killed my mother, and then he killed himself too." Kate read before trying to give Sawyer the letter back, but he protested.

"Don't stop now. Gettin' to the good part." His eyes were red and glossy. All I could do now was look at him, I felt frozen. Kate continued to read the note.

"All I know is your name, but one of these days I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer." The last sentence that she read, she sounded like she was choking up.

Sawyer took the paper from her hands and looked at me again. I watched him come closer to me until he was now in my face. I couldn't look him in the eye, so I looked down. I felt like I'd gotten the wind knocked out of me. Feeling him breathing down on me made me uncomfortable now when moments ago I was desperate for it.

"Now, about that kiss." His deep voice made my body shudder uneasily.

My throat was so dry that I couldn't speak, but my answer still might have been yes. His hand came up and slowly moved a few strands of hair out of my face. I shied away from him a little, but only because I was nervous. Noticing the way I flinched at him, Sawyer put his hand down.

"I didn't think so." He whispered before slowly walking away from me. The air around me was instantly not as thick. I sighed, feeling relieved and disappointed all at the same time. _Maybe I didn't know Sawyer any better than Kate did._


	15. Damage

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

**Author's note: Long time no see everyone! SO SORRY that I haven't updated this story in forever. I've been wanting to work on this chapter for a very long time, but got caught up in my other fanfics and stuff like that. But I felt like I really owed this to you guys and hopefully you like it.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>{Sayid's POV}<strong>

"Locke, where were you last night? Around sunset." I asked the man sitting in front of me. Jack didn't seem as convinced as I was about who attacked me, so I decided to ask around with everyone to find out where they had been when it all happened.

"Well, I'm afraid the only witness to my whereabouts was the boar that I was skinning for our dinner." The bald man replied, continuing to whittle on his stick, sharpening the end to a precise tip.

"I heard you were trying to send out a distress call. So it would seem, whoever attacked you has a reason for not wanting to get off the island." He added. I got down on one knee, intrigued to hear what else he had to say. "Maybe someone who is profiting from our current circumstances."

Every word made me feel that he was pointing the finger at one person in particular.

"And from what I've seen, you and Mr. Sawyer share a certain animosity."

"No, he has an alibi. Just before I was struck, he set off a bottle rocket, a signal that if worked out, was two kilometers away." I informed him. I didn't mention the conspiracy between Sawyer and the girl yet. "He couldn't had the time to move-"

"Unless he found a way to time-delay the fuse on his rocket." Locke suggested. It made sense, but I didn't take that redneck for a science guy.

"How could he have possibly-"

"Anyone who watches television knows how to improvise a slow fuse. Use a cigarette." The man cut me off again, clarifying his statement.

_Sawyer smoked._

"Of course, if Mr. Sawyer hadn't thought of using that method. That girl he takes up to would have been another option." This time, Locke had caught my full attention.

"You think she might have something to do with this too?" I ask him urgently.

"Oh there's more going on between those two than idle chit chat. And this Kennedy, she's quiet, insecure. Wouldn't take much sweet talk from a charmer like Sawyer to have her brainwashed." Locke said thoughtfully. Then, he held out his knife with the handle facing me.

"Just in case there's a next time."

I hesitated before slowly taking the blade.

**xXx**

**{Kennedy's POV}  
><strong>

I thought that staying at the cave was only going to be a one-night thing. However, after what happened with Sawyer today I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to go back to the beach. Though I didn't feel anymore comfortable being in the cave either. I felt like a nervous wreck. _If he was going through the pictures in my suitcase, what else had Sawyer seen? And would he even give me my stuff back now if I asked for it?_ I wasn't sure which of the two that made me feel worse.

Jack gave me a fish and two bananas and urged me to eat. I wasn't sure how my stomach was going to react, but I did as he said anyway. Maybe it would make me feel a little better, I might not be as jittery.

_God, what was wrong with me?_ Even after discovering that Sawyer had hidden my things away in his stash and Kate reading that letter, my feelings about him didn't change much. Sure, I was pissed at him for taking my stuff, but just thinking about him made the butterflies in my stomach flutter wildly. _Why? Was there anything that he couldn't do wrong?_ He refused to give Jack Shannon's medicine when she really needed it. He had ruined the lives of three innocent people just to get money out of it. _What else was he capable of?_

I was sitting away from everyone else, even a good distance from Jack. I didn't want to be near Shannon, my mind in enough panic. I saw in the dim light of the fire, someone coming into the cave. My heart almost leaped out of my chest when I saw that it was Sawyer, but I didn't move from the spot I was sitting.

_Just stay calm, Kennedy. Just stay calm. And don't stare at him!_

I averted my eyes away from Sawyer who didn't even glance my way. I wasn't surprised, but I did feel somewhat neglected. I was so used to his attention even when I didn't want it. I looked around, trying to distract myself. Jack stood up from where he was searching through his bags of medicine. His eyes were locked on Sawyer. I felt dread creep up on me as the doctor walked toward the pool of water where Sawyer was filling up a bottle.

"Give me the inhalers. Now." I heard Jack though he was trying to keep his voice at a whisper.

I couldn't help it. Slowly, I looked back to the two men anxiously.

"Hell, I was wondering when you were gonna stop askin' nice." Sawyer brought the bottle to his mouth, but Jack threw a fist at him. Water flew and Sawyer was knocked down to his knees. I winced involuntarily. _Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. _It was like a broken record going off in my head.

Others in the cave took notice of what was going on, Shannon's gasps became even more frantic. I thought I was going to puke.

Sawyer started to shake off the blow and stand back up.

"Hell, it's about time, cowboy. I've been tellin' you since day one we're in the wild. Didn't think you had it in yo-" Sawyer hadn't finished his sentence when Jack struck him again. This time, he hit him in the mouth. The collision echoed through the cave as the man was sent back onto the ground.

Again, I found myself wincing as if it were me being punched in the face. I was concerned for Sawyer at first, but he stayed on his knee for a moment. I saw a dangerous, threatening look in his eyes. He was fine. Now, I was worried about Jack.

"That all you got." The blonde tempted as he turned back to Jack. He wanted to be hit again and I thought he was going to get it.

The doc looked around at everyone, his shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths. He turned and walked away. The others in the cave eyed Sawyer as he set there for another moment. Then, his eyes met mine for a split second. I had to turn away. I was afraid to meet his blank gaze, that it may turn hateful.

_Don't look at him again, damn it!_

This time, I obeyed my much-smarter-than-me thinking voice and kept my eyes glued to the fire. I heard Sawyer get up and walk out of the cave. It was a struggle for me not to turn and watch his back disappear into the jungle. I stayed strong though.

**xXx **

Morning couldn't have came soon enough. As soon as there was enough daylight to come into the cave, I set out for the beach. I decided that I didn't like the cave. There were too many people and I didn't like the constant worry of the ceiling coming down and crushing me. My shelter wasn't much safer, but at least I had enough room to breathe. Maybe I just wanted to be at the beach because I knew Sawyer was there. I didn't want to let myself believe that though.

When I reached my shelter, I noticed how lonely it looked next to the empty space where Sawyer's tent once was. I ignored that thought and went to sit underneath the metal roof. For the first time, I felt that it was safe enough to reach into my pocket and take out my picture Boone had found. I carefully unfolded it to reveal the photo that had been taken right after my sister's graduation ceremony. That day seems like such a long time ago. My hair was its natural reddish-brown, long before I decided to color it with crimson dye.

I felt very protective over the picture, enough that I didn't want anyone else to see it. Boone and Jack had already gotten a glimpse of what my life once was, and I almost forgot Sawyer. I wasn't sure why he'd taken it out of my suitcase and I really didn't want to think about it.

I sat there for a while, just looking at the picture as if it would refresh some good memories. Still, they felt to far away. It was hard to recall a good day I spent with my family. It had been a very long time since I could go a whole day with my parents without my mother making even the slightest criticism. You'd think after a nineteen years of beating me down, my mother would realize that I knew I would never be my sister. But she just had to add one more comment, one more knife in the back.

Then, I began to wonder what my parents would think if they could see me now. Would they feel sorry for me being stranded in the middle of nowhere? Would they want me home? Or would they say that this is what I deserve for everything I brought on the family? I wondered what they would think of Sawyer? Oh, now there's a thought that sparked a mischievous, dark humor.

I wished that my parents could see me, their youngest daughter, infatuated with a man that was much older. Whatever money I had left when I boarded the plane, I'd bet that their skin would be crawling if they could've seen us together. Just imagining the horrified looks on their faces brought a satisfied smile to my lips. It almost made me forget how angry I was. _Almost._

I'd contemplated whether or not to confront Sawyer about my suitcase. At first, I thought I'd have a chance at reasoning with him, that he would understand or at least feel sympathy. But I knew Sawyer better than that. If he didn't hand it over as soon as I found out, he wasn't going to give it up now. I couldn't think of a reason why he'd take it in the first place. There was nothing of value, I only had thirty bucks to my name in there. What was the point in him holding onto it?

I knew I'd never get the answer from questioning myself, though Sawyer's excuse wouldn't make much sense either. There was no way around it, facing Sawyer was inevitable. Hell, what was I going to say? Hey, s_orry for punching you and not kissing you, but can I have my stuff back now?_ I could already see the smirk on his face, the smirk I so desperately wanted to knock off his face again. No, no. There wouldn't be any fighting this time. When I talk to Sawyer about my suitcase, I'm going to be calm and collected. I'm not going to snap. I'm not going to get angry.

_No, you're just going to stand there like an idiot with nothing to say while he wears that cocky little smirk of his._ And the war with my inner thoughts continues.

I sat under my shelter for a good while, refusing to think about anything for a bit. I just wanted time to be completely alone. No conscience or whatever that little voice was, though it was beginning to sound like my mother. I sat there drawing squiggles in the sand, finding tiny pieces of what might have been sea shells. Then, I thought for a few minutes about how there weren't many sea shells on the beach. There were chunks and broken bits littered all over the place, but no hole pieces. One thing that might have made the beach pretty or charming had been crushed nearly to dust by the ocean.

Looking out at the beach, my thoughts veered away from the sea shells and focused on the other survivors of the crash. They all seemed far away, though they might have been fifty yards or so from the very spot I was sitting. They were people just happy to be alive, working together to stay that way. I wondered if they'd seen Sawyer and me together. What might they be thinking? But they probably didn't even notice. There were too many things for them to do and worry about to bother with a person who barely existed.

It wasn't too long before I caught myself thinking about going to see Sawyer again. But I wasn't sure if I was brave enough, especially after yesterday. Maybe if I stuck to being calm, maybe it would go over smoothly. Besides, I hadn't tried asking yet. Hopefully it wasn't too late to try it. Carefully folding the photograph up and sticking it in my pocket, I got up and headed for Sawyer's shelter. The sun had only been up for a few hours and the sand was already getting hot to the touch. I tried to walk faster, but it didn't help and it just looked like I was kicking up the sand.

_Calm and collected,_ I kept reminding myself this.

As I got closer, I could feel my legs turning into jelly. It was like I was feeling an adrenaline rush over something that hadn't even happened. I got this feeling when I punched Sawyer yesterday, but I hadn't felt my stomach act this way since the plane began to fall from the sky. I remembered to tell myself to stay cool and everything was okay. The trouble hadn't started just yet.

I was staring at my feet the whole way over to the shelter and when I was there I finally got the courage to look up. I stopped, the burning of the hot sand seemed to disappear quickly. There was Jack and Sayid dragging Sawyer in between them away from the shelter. _Is Sawyer asleep? No, no he's out. Like, unconscious out._

If it weren't for Jack, it might have taken longer for me to realize something was wrong. Seeing Jack at the beach was so strange now that he'd taken up residence in the cave. Suddenly, everything clicked.

"What are you doing?" Kate rushed over and started trailing behind the three, but neither of the conscious two bothered to answer. "Jack!"

"This was Sawyer's choice, not mine." Was Jack's only reply as he and Sayid continued to drag Sawyer off towards the jungle.

"If you do this . . . " She trailed off.

I wasn't sure what they were going to do, but I had an idea. And I was afraid I was going to be right. My feet started moving again, following Jack and Sayid.

"Kennedy, wait." I felt Kate catch my arm as I hurried past her. I didn't want to wait, I couldn't wait.

"No!" I said louder than I meant to, jerking my arm free and not even looking back at her.

I didn't care if she took it the wrong way, maybe I wanted her to. I was tired of being nice, tired of everyone stepping all over me. I was mad as hell, and I was going to make sure everybody knew about it.

As I reached the thick foliage and tangled vines and roots of the jungle, I remained quiet. Jack and Sayid didn't see that I was following them yet as I stayed several yards back. There was a rampage in my head, my inner self spitting out anything and everything I could think of. _How dare they, damn it! I have my own shit that concerns Sawyer right now. They have no right to drag him off when I have my own problems with him. Damn it! Jack thinks he's a bad ass around here now just because he gotta a punch or two in._

Finally, I forced myself to stop and take a couple of long, deep breaths. Getting too worked up and throwing myself into a panic attack wasn't going to help me. I anxiously shifted my weight, holding my hands on my hips like some angry wife awaiting her husband to come home. _Calm down, Kennedy. Just calm down. _

This started to work for a second until I looked up and saw Jack and Sayid again, seeing Sawyer's feet drag the ground. _Fuck it!_ I stomped after them again, feeling the rage rekindle itself.

I followed them to a sort of clearing. Maybe they really didn't know I was trailing them or they pretended that I wasn't there. Either way, they'd know for sure now. As Sayid sat Sawyer against a thin tree trunk, Jack turned and spotted me. He seemed surprised, but quickly held up his hands as if to ward me off.

"Kennedy, you shouldn't be here."

"Why? What are you going to do?" I couldn't think about what I was saying, I just let it spill. I could feel my anger boiling as my eyes glanced back and forth between Jack and Sayid who was tying Sawyer's hands behind the tree.

"We're going to get him to tell us where the medicine is. Hopefully, we won't have to go too far." Jack answered as if he were trying to reassure me, but it only pissed me off more. _Calm and collected_. It was everything I could do to not start screaming.

"Too far? So, you're going to torture him?" The words tasted like dirt in my mouth.

"You saw how he was acting. This is the only way we can get him to give us the medicine. Shannon needs it." I knew Jack was right about Shannon.

It wasn't fair the way Sawyer refused to help her. Jack's words started to make sense and I felt my anger towards him fade. I didn't think this was right, but what if it was the only way. Maybe it wouldn't take much to convince Sawyer. There was still something that didn't feel right. This whole thing was wrong, but something made me very uneasy. Sawyer, being an asshole and possibly worse, surely wouldn't go so far as to jeopardize another human being's health.

_Kennedy, are you forgetting that letter?_ No, no I wasn't. But that didn't seem right either. I don't know, this whole thing was messed up. But what could I do? Jack and Sayid already had their minds set on doing this.

"You won't let it go too far?" I asked as if the situation wasn't so sinister. My eyes stared into Jack's, desperation was no doubt an understatement.

"As long as he cooperates, it should be smooth sailing." The doctor didn't sound so sure. Sawyer wasn't the type to cooperate with anything that had to do with Jack.

"Jack, she needs to go." Sayid said as he finished tying Sawyer's hands.

I turned and glared at the dark-skinned man. Maybe I understood Jack's reasoning for this, but I had a good idea where Sayid's intentions were coming from. He was probably doing this for his own, sick pleasure. When Jack looked back at me, I could tell by the expression of his raised brows that he agreed.

"I'm not leaving." I said darkly.

Jack laid his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to reason with me.

"Kennedy, you really don't need to be here."

"And if I don't go, are you going to tie me to a tree too?" I shrugged his hand away. That seem to get the message across pretty clearly.

Shaking his head in defeat, Jack walked over to Sayid and the unconscious Sawyer. I stayed where I was, with my arms folded across my chest, waiting to see just how smooth the sailing was going to be.


	16. Insurance

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do NOT own the show "Lost". However, I do own my Original Character ( Kennedy White ), as well as her background, and her plot on the island.**

****Author's note: First, I want to apologize because I was hoping to have this chapter done two days ago, but my grandmother isn't doing so well and I need to spend as much time with her as I can. That being said, the updates might be kinda slow, but I'll try my best to work on chapters every day. Thanks for all the support you guys, and I really hope you like this chapter!  
><strong>**

* * *

><p><strong>{Kennedy's POV}<strong>

I wasn't sure what Jack and Sayid whispered about for a moment, but I had a clue by the way the darker man shook his head the same way Jack had and then turned and seemed to glare at me. He must have gotten the hint that I wasn't going to leave. Maybe he might have realized that I didn't care too much for him, or maybe it was something else. I got the feeling that Sayid didn't like me very much either. _Good._ I'd learned by now that being in anyone's good favor didn't get you far on this damned island.

I watched the two with an angry stare, hoping to make this a lot harder on them. Sayid took a bottle that had been cut in half to make a cup and filled it with water before splashing it into Sawyer's face. The man tied to the tree suddenly came to life and shook his head that had just been soaked. His wet locked stuck to the side of his face as he blinked and looked right up at the darker man.

It wasn't until then that I saw the blood, which was still fairly fresh, running down the left his of his face and down his neck. I suppose that might explain how he was unconscious, but the sight of so much blood sent an unnerving chill down my spine. It was really setting in just how horrible this was going to be. _What if there was going to be more blood? Much more?_

I swatted that kind of thinking away quickly. I couldn't get squeamish now. I had to be here to make sure Sawyer didn't get hurt. But at the moment, all I could do was hope that he would give in and tell Jack where he was keeping the medicine.

"Well, ain't you the brave one. Jumpin' a guy while he's nappin'." Sawyer grumbled.

Sayid didn't say anything, but from where I was standing I could see the cold look in his dark eyes. I hated that man. I don't think I really hated anyone or anything, at least not as much as I hated him.

"Uh oh, I'm in trouble now ain't I?" I could just barely hear Sawyer's smart ass remark as he and Jack look each other in the eye.

I felt like Sawyer wasn't helping himself by no means, but he hadn't had time to let things sink in. Or maybe he really didn't give a shit. My heart beat quickened as Jack walked closer to Sawyer and knelt in front of him.

"Sawyer, we gave you the chance to do the right thing." I wasn't surprised that he tried to justify what they were about to do. "All I want is the asthma medicine. Just tell me where the inhalers are and we'll stop."

_Please, tell him. Please, just get it over with. _I pleaded with Sawyer in my head. He might not give a damn, but I do. I didn't want to watch them torture him no matter what he did. And I didn't want to think this way. I didn't want to look like the hopeless love-sick girl who thought I might have a chance with someone like Sawyer. I didn't love Sawyer. In fact, I was still pissed off about my suitcase and the way he treated me and confused me. But I did care about him, to an extent.

"Stop what, chico? Sawyer growled.

As if on cue, Jack, Sawyer, and I turned our attention to Sayid who looked to be sharpening the ends of a few sticks to a point. My stomach dropped. _What the hell is he going to do with those?_ I didn't want to know the answer, but I was about to find out anyway.

"It doesn't have to be this way." Jack turned back to Sawyer.

I wish now that I would have stood somewhere a little further away from the blonde's sight range, because when he turned and glanced at me, I felt my stomach rising straight up to my throat. I was quick to avert my eyes, but I caught a glimpse of his burning glare. Whether it was directed at me or if he was just angry in general, I wasn't sure.

"Yeah it does." With those few words any hope I had in Jack's smooth sailing idea went right out the door.

I felt myself panicking, but I tried to stay as calm as my body would allow. Whatever happened next wouldn't be good and I needed to prepare myself for it. Sure wish I would have saved that half of a cigarette I'd found when we first crashed.

"We do not have bamboo in Iraq, although we do have something similar: reeds. But their effect is the same, when the chutes are inserted underneath the fingernails."Sayid's voice shoved me harshly back into reality and I looked up to see him in front of Sawyer now.

I took deep breathes and blinked to keep myself from repeated the incident that happened on the beach several mornings ago. Instinctively, I cringed and curled my hands up into fists to hide my own fingernails.

"You know what I think, Ahli? I think you've never actually tortured somebody in your life." I bit my lip at Sawyer's words. _Why did he have to make it worse for him?_ I was starting to believe that he was getting some kind of joy from this.

"Unfortunately for us both, you're wrong."

Sayid jumped up and positioned himself behind Sawyer. Again, my eyes fell my feet and within a few seconds I heard a painful grunt. My heart was racing, my face felt hot. _Stop. Please, stop. Jack, make him stop it._ Sawyer's panting and groans of pain burned my ears.

"That's it? That's all you got? Splinters?" Again, he had to taunt and instigate. "No wonder we kicked your ass in the gul-" Sawyer cried out this time.

It was a long, agonizing cry that shot right through me and rattled my body. I couldn't breathe, I'd had enough.

"Jack." I called. It was my plea for him to stop.

"Sayid." Jack's voice was drowned out by Sawyer's. "Sayid!"

Finally, Sawyer's cries died down. The dark-skinned man stood, holding a knife in his right hand.

"No, don't stop now." I heard Sawyer mutter under his breath. "I think my sinuses are clearin'."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jack practically read my mind.

"Perhaps losing an eye will loosen your tongue." Sayid grabbed a handful of blonde hair and pulled Sawyer's face closer to the knife.

"Stop. Stop!" I shouted.

My legs were shaky as I went towards Sayid. But Jack was suddenly in front of me, blocking me from the one person who's brains I wanted to beat to mush. He took hold of my shoulders either to hold me back or to hold me up.

"Make him stop, Jack! Make him stop!" My tears were hot as boiling water as they ran carelessly down my face.

"Okay! Okay." Sawyer finally gave in. The tightness in my airway relaxed slowly.

"Where is it?"

"The only person I'll tell is her." Sawyer's eyes met mine, but this time I had no control to look away.

The only response was the silent glances that Jack and Sayid made at me and then at each other. Surely, I hadn't heard it right. _Why did I have to be dragged in the middle of things when all I wanted was my damn suitcase? _

"That's the deal." The blonde growled, his attention turned back to Jack.

Again, no one had anything to say. If I could muster a sound, I would've made an objection or something. But catching my breath was enough trouble. I felt Jack's hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him.

"You don't have to." Jack assured me, but I already knew that I had no choice. I didn't care, the worst of it was over.

"I-I can." My voice was quiet and raspy, almost inaudible. So I nodded at Jack just to be sure that he understood.

There was hardly any time for me to pull myself together as Jack and Sayid walked away. I was alone with Sawyer, vulnerable again. I had nothing to be afraid of, he was tied to a tree. But his eyes were what got to me. They could see right through me, crush me under the pressure of their gaze. Needless to say that my head stayed down as I went to stand in front of him.

I could feel Sawyer's eyes on me, but I didn't offer to return the gesture. I kept my elbows cupped in my hands, my eyes stuck to the damp jungle floor. I wanted him to go ahead and tell me wherever those inhalers were so I could leave.

"So, are you going to tell me?" I finally asked.

"Be happy to, as soon as I get that kiss." Those words made my breath hitch and my limbs tense.

"Don't do that." I muttered in my still-raspy voice.

"Do what?"

"Sawyer, I don't want to fight." I got up the courage to finally look him in the eye. He chuckled, though I didn't find it the least bit funny.

"Red, if I wanted to piss you off I could do a lot worse than ask for one, little kiss." I could see a smirk form at the corner of his mouth.

I had to give him that one, he could do much worse. _But why didn't he?_ He had nothing to gain from kissing me, except the pleasure of confusing me once more. Though, I don't see why he would go through all that trouble.

"Why don't you ask Kate? I'm sure she wouldn't turn down your offer." I said smugly, lowering my gaze.

"I didn't ask Freckles. I asked you." I could sense that cocky grin as he chuckled.

"Why?" I looked Sawyer in the eye again, keeping my expression clear of any desperation I was feeling.

"Red, we could do this all day. But the fact of the matter is there's a girl up in that cave who can't breathe, all because you're too afraid of a kiss." There was no remorse, just a hint of urgency in his words.

I wasn't ready to give in just yet. There was still the matter of my belongings in question.

"And my suitcase?"

"Yeah, about that." Sawyer looked away with a strange grin on his face.

"Yeah, about that." I repeated in a colder tone. "What are you doing with it?"

"If it makes ya feel any better, I didn't open it." That was a lie.

"Bullshit. Boone found my picture right next to the suitcase." I took the photograph out of my pocket and showed it to him. "I doubt it magically flew open and this was the only thing that fell out."

"Well, you done caught me red-handed, ain't ya?" Sawyer's grin faded back into a smirk.

"It's not funny. You had no business with it. There's nothing in there that is worth anything to anyone except me." My emotions were flaring again, but betrayal was the strongest of them.

What little trust I'd once had toward Sawyer was gone, had been shredded to pieces. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew he had seen more than just that one picture. My life's story became an open book, and knowing Sawyer, he wouldn't hesitate to snoop.

"If you're going to say anything, just tell me why you took it." I sighed, feeling myself reaching mental exhaustion.

"Let's call it insurance." Sawyer answered, his sea-colored eyes narrowed as if there were some kind of deep meaning to it.

"What?" I was struck by a brick wall of confusion, which I think was his intention.

"Listen, my offer stands. I'm afraid that's all I got to say." He said, his left brow was cocked up as if to say he meant business now. Either he got the kiss or I left with nothing.

_It's just one kiss. Just one and you get your stuff back and Shannon gets her inhalers. _It wasn't a horrible compromise, and I knew deep down how I truly felt about kissing Sawyer. Even now, I still wanted to. Maybe the desire wasn't as strong as it was a few days ago, but it was there. I was angry at myself for it, but I allowed myself the excuse that there was no other way.

"Fine." I whispered as if I was in a state of defeat.

There was almost a hint of surprise on Sawyer's face. I was too concerned with the whirlwind my insides were going through to wonder if it was genuine. My eyes didn't leave the ground and my feet were like lead as I moved closer. As soon as I felt I was close enough I brought myself onto my knees, not daring to trust in my balance to lean down. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe, even then they were shaky gasps. I don't think I'd ever felt so mechanical as I did now.

I wanted everything to stop, or slow down at least. Even at this snail pace I was keeping, it all seemed to be going too fast. And for a split second, I lost the restraint I had to not look at him. I saw those eyes that I was once desperate to see, then hated, and now I don't know. There seemed to be a sadness about them. That's when I noticed that the smirk Sawyer loved to wear was gone.

As I began to lean toward him, I closed my eyes and was determined to keep them that way until it was all over. I instantly started praying that I didn't miss. This was it, the point of no return. I was close enough to feel his breath, then there was the warmth of his mouth and his scratchy stubble against my chin. Sawyer's lips moved slowly on mine although I was in too much of a shock to do anything. Turns out, I didn't know what shock was until his tongue grazed my motionless lips. This made me suck in a breath and as my lips parted, Sawyer's tongue slipped into my mouth. And he sure was slow about it, taking his precious time. I felt like I was the one being tortured now.

It didn't feel real, but it was too real all at the same time. My mouth must have gotten a mind of its own because my lips finally started moving. This one little kiss had turned into something much more. The faint taste of blood on his bottom lip was intoxicating. It was too much. I was going to drive myself crazy if I didn't stop.

I found some strength that hadn't been totally consumed and tore my lips away. My eyes were still closed when my hand went to my mouth, just to make sure that my lips were there. When my eyes opened I automatically looked to Sawyer. He was staring at me through his half-lidded eyes. Judging by his reaction, it mustn't have been too bad. But there was an anxious feeling in my gut as I waiting for him to say anything.

"I don't have it." He whispered.

"You don't have what?"

"That girl's medicine." It took me a minute to understand what he was talking about.

"What do you mean you don't have it? Then where is it?" Sadly, this was the least of my concern. _If he didn't have it, then why would he make me kiss him?_ It didn't make sense not to me.

"I don't know, never did." Was his indifferent answer.

"But why? Why would you ask me to kiss-"

"Insurance." When that damn smirk curled at the corner of his lips, I got my real answer.

_A kiss? That's what all this trouble was over? A kiss?! _I couldn't believe it, or maybe I just didn't want to. Sawyer wouldn't go through this much trouble just to get a kiss out of me. It was a pathetic excuse even for him.

I jumped up and walked away, refusing to be fooled. I knew I was nothing but a game to him and that's all I would ever be. He got some kind of high or pleasure from teasing me, though I didn't know why. There were too many emotions buzzing around in my head that I didn't know if I should be man or hurt. Either way, I didn't stop until I found Jack and Sayid. They hadn't gone too far and I was a little worried that they might have heard any of the conversation between Sawyer and me.

Jack walked over to me, waiting for an answer as to where the medicine was, but I didn't have one. I wasn't sure how to break the news to him, so I just spit it out.

"He said he didn't have it." My voice came out as a timid little whisper.

"What?" Jack's voice boomed throughout the jungle compared to mine.

"She's lying. Can't you see that?" I heard Sayid and our glaring eyes met.

"What did you say?" I growled, surprised at how much stronger my voice was.

"She's had an alliance with him from the beginning. He's got her wrapped around his finger. He doesn't want us to get off this island, and she'll do anything he wants her to. That's why she attacked me."

I had no idea why he was accusing me of attacking him out there in the jungle, but was enough to send my hate towards him over the edge.

"I never attacked you, jihadi mother fucker!" I shouted, quickly shortening the distance between me and him. I was about to make his statement true. In my head, I couldn't help but notice how much I sounded like Sawyer just then.

"Hold on." Jack found his way between the two of us for the second time.

"Liar! One of you did it. One of you destroyed the transceiver!" Sayid suddenly bolted back into the jungle where Sawyer was, still holding that huge knife in his hand.

"You don't know that." Jack said, hurrying after him. "Sayid!"

I followed suit behind the doctor, but then I pushed past him. I was afraid of what Sayid was going to do, and it just fueled my anger and hate towards him that much more. I could see Sawyer again, tied to a tree and completely defenseless while the darker man came at him. That knife gleamed in the light in a horrible way as he got closer. Before I even had time to think about what I was doing, I ran at Sayid as hard as I could and jumped onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck. Sayid didn't get a chance to fight me off when the blonde somehow freed himself and tackled the Iraqi, and me, to the ground.

The weight of two grown men crushing me into the rigid jungle floor was more than enough to knock the wind out of me. There was an unnatural cracking sound from my back as my vision instantly blurred and I lost the ability to breathe. Not a second too soon, the two rolled off of me and relieved the incredible pressure from my chest. I tried to gasp for air, but received none.

Thankfully, my vision gradually began to clear and Jack was quick to move me away from the scuffle. Then, he hurried back to Sayid and Sawyer. I rolled over onto my side easily enough, meaning that my spine was intact. But still, I was struggling to catch my breath. I had no concern for myself as my eyes tried to get a grip on the men tangled and rolling on the ground.

There was no time to register what happened when Sawyer cried out and writhed in what I could only imagine to be extreme pain. Sayid quickly stood and backed away and I could see the gleaming blade sticking out of the blonde's upper arm.

I didn't dare try to walk, but I crawled over beside Jack as he ripped the blade from the underside of Sawyer's arm. Blood started spewing out, too much blood.

"You hit an artery." Jack said as he stuck his fingers into the deep wound. "Stay still, damn it."

My own blood drained from my face and I went into a panic. I could only link one thought to the doctor's words: bleeding to death. _No. No, no, no. _It was everything I had to keep from vomiting any contents I had in my stomach.

"Sayid, I need my stuff from the caves. My leather backpack." Jack instructed. For a second, Sayid just stood there. "Go."

The darker man finally hurried out of sight.

"Jack, you can stop it, right? He's going to fine. Isn't he?" I started babbling out of control.

He didn't answer. I suspected that I was bothering his concentration, but I was frantic with worry. Sawyer was turning white before me and there was nothing I could do. And even though Jack was doing everything he to help him, I could see the hateful look in his purple-ringed eyes.

"Let go." He growled, his tone matched his expression: hateful. "I know you want to."

"Shut up, and stop moving." Jack eyed him.

"You've been waitin' for this, haven't ya? Need to be a hero again, 'cause that's what you do. Fix everything up all nice." I hoped that Sawyer was just loopy from blood loss, but the look in his eyes made me doubt that_._

_Why did he have to act that way?_ Maybe he just didn't know how much it hurt me to hear it. He didn't know much death had wrecked my life.

"Tell him to let go, Red. Tell him."

Tears threatened to spill over.

"Stop it, Sawyer." I muttered, struggling to choke back the waterworks.

"What? We already made out, what else I got to live for?" At this, Jack looked up at me questioningly. _That was probably something that should have gone unmentioned._

Just asking for death wasn't working, so Sawyer was trying to push buttons. I knew that. But I didn't know if he just hated Jack enough, or if he really had a death wish.

"Hey Jack there's something you should know. If the tables were turned, I'd watch you die."

"Stop it! Damn it, Sawyer!" There was no hope in holding back the tears now.

What he was saying made the hole in my heart raw again.

**xXx **

_"Okay, there's the legs." The dark-skinned woman began as she moved the ultrasound tool slowly around the lower part of my stomach. _

_I watched the monitor closely, though all the funny round shapes looked nothing like legs to me. But this appointment wasn't about seeing legs nor arms. I was here to find out the sex of the . . . I still wasn't comfortable with the word. In fact, I wasn't comfortable about this whole thing. I didn't want to know if it was a boy or girl. There was a fear that I just might get attached to it if I knew, and I didn't want that. All I wanted was for this to be over with so I could return to whatever shell of a life I had._

_Christie sat in a chair beside me, her face was lit up with excitement for me as her eyes stayed glued to the monitor._

_"Aww." She grinned brightly. Obviously, she was happy enough for both of us. "Aren't you excited?"  
><em>

_I nodded to her and smiled, but my stomach was churning. _

_"Alright, this is the genital region. This part may take a minute." The ultrasound technician said she started to move the tool carefully._

_"Maybe it's too soon to tell. Can we just reschedule a few weeks from now?" I ask, hoping to get a good answer._

_"Don't you worry, there's been plenty of time for that area to develop." The woman replied without taking her eyes off the screen._

_Great. Just what I was hoping for. Christie must have sensed that I was feeling uneasy._

_"Do you not want to know what your baby is? Or did you want to be surprised?" The blonde girl turned to me thoughtfully._

_I took a moment to really think about it. Either way wasn't much better than the other. But maybe if I found out now, I would be able to notify the adoption agency sooner and get some of the information sorted out. And Christie was dying to know, so I wasn't going to spoil it._

_"I think I'd rather know now." I gave her a reassuring smile. As I turned back to the monitor, I felt my new friend take my hand and hold it comfortingly.  
><em>

_"Alright, honey. You see that there?" The woman pointed at the screed where there was a nub in between the legs. "Looks like you're having a boy." _

_"Aww. Hi, baby boy!" Christie giggled ecstatically and made a small waving gesture at the monitor which had changed to show a better image of the fetus as a whole._

_Now that I could get a better look, I was stunned at how much the blob of white and black contrast really looked like a baby. And despite my earlier attitude, I couldn't get over how tiny and cute it was. A cute little boy. That's what my baby was.  
><em>

**xXx  
><strong>

Most of the day had come and gone, but the hours dragged by slow enough. Sawyer passed out before Sayid made it back with Jack's backpack, but he was okay. Well, he survived at least. Jack worked silently and Sayid just stood there. Needless to say, neither of them said anything to me.

I couldn't shake the feeling that Jack was upset. This wasn't surprising, not after what Sawyer had said about the kiss. I don't think he was angry, except at Sawyer maybe. I think he was more disappointed with me more than anything. It was obvious that Sawyer and I were past the stage of acquaintances , but I think the two of us locking lips was the last thing anyone expected. Let's not forget, there was a bit of a gap in age.

I was now at Sawyer's shelter where Jack and Sayid hauled him back after it was safe to say that he wasn't going to bleed to death. He'd been asleep for about four hours, Jack said that would be normal and his body was resting to build his strength back. That was the only thing that the doctor said to me for the rest of the day. I didn't mind, I was a little more worried about Sawyer. I'm pretty sure that shown through clearly as well, seeing as how I hadn't left the shelter once.

While waiting for Sawyer to wake up, I kept myself occupied by searching through the spoils of his looting. I'd hoped that he might have brought my suitcase here just in case I decided to go searching through his secret stash which I had forgotten the location of anyway. Unfortunately, I found no trace of it.

After I checked two more times just to make sure I hadn't overlooked anything, I went back to sit by Sawyer. I tried not to pay attention to the stray glances that came my way from the others at the beach. None of them could possibly know about what happened between us in the jungle, so they could think whatever they wanted to.

I think I liked Sawyer better when he was asleep, at least then he was completely harmless. Although, it was a bit boring. I was so used to hearing him making his smart ass remarks, I missed them during these long hours. Every few minutes or so, I thought about when I kissed him despite all the effort I put into pushing it out of my head. The way he kissed me, it left me thinking in the back of my mind that maybe it wasn't just for the pleasure of teasing me. Maybe he did it because he wanted to. The fact that he called the medicine insurance almost seemed to support the latter.

_Was that why he wouldn't tell anyone that he never had it in the first place? Could be so smart to know that it would lead to us kissing? _No, probably not. But his earlier intentions may have evolved into that, especially when he saw how upset I was about my suitcase. It's like he knew how to push the right buttons to get exactly what he wanted. That letter suddenly came to mind.

I sat there for a moment, wondering if it was still in his pocket and if I could get to it without him waking up. Slowly, I slide off my seat and crawled over to him. I felt silly, but I felt paranoid about being sneaky. As I reached into the closest pocket on his jeans, I found it empty. _Damn._ I went for the other pocket. C_uriosity didn't kill the cat. Curiosity didn't kill the_ _cat. _My fingers felt the corner of a piece of paper which I gently took hold of and carefully pulled out of the side pocket. _  
><em>

I was extra careful not to make any noise or quick movements as I crawled back to my seat. The envelope looked to have some years on it, but I was more concerned with what it contained. Sure enough, I found the piece of notebook paper and unfolded it quietly. Every word was just the way Kate had read it. The hand writing was too neat, like the way they tell you to when you're in elementary school. I read it twice, as if I was hoping to find something hidden between the lines. But nothing seemed to magically link together, it was just strange.

Any thought I had that Sawyer was using me to get something was losing its probability. He had my suitcase, there was nothing he could take from me. To my disappointment, there was nothing in the letter that would help me. I folded it back up carefully and placed it neatly back inside the wrinkled envelope. I turned it over to see a circular symbol on the flap. **AMERICA'S BICENTENNIAL. KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE 1976.**

I was about to crawl back over and put it back into Sawyer's pocket when realization hit me. _1976?_ Obviously being the date that the letter was written, I noticed how it didn't add up. If the letter had been written to Sawyer in 1976, he'd be much older. But then, why was it written to him? Suddenly, I heard Sawyer start to rouse from his sleep. I was relieved and terrified at the same time, but there was no time to conceal the envelope. _Looks like he isn't the only one getting caught red-handed today. _

Sawyer's eyes found me, making me a sitting duck. Before I gave him a chance to say anything, I held out the envelope to him. Slowly, he took it, crumbling with middle of it in his fist. I expected him to yell at me or say something, but he didn't. He held the letter against his stomach and his eyes averted toward the ocean.

"Sawyer, how old are you?" I asked meekly.

This question must have eased any temper that was growing towards me because he cracked a humored smile.

"Thirty-six." He answered simply enough.

I was instantly doing the math in my head. The answer that I came to wasn't surprising.

"You were nine." At this, the smile on his face vanished.

I watched him roll his eyes as if I'd said something stupid. It made sense, I knew something I wasn't suppose to and now he was on the defense. That was okay, I was starting to figure out everything for myself.

"Did you write the letter?"

Sawyer was quiet, which I felt confirmed my suspicion. I watched him closely, counting the times he blinked. _One . . . two, three. Four. _

"I just thought . . . you know an awful lot about me now." I was looking at me feet now, feeling the silence swallowing me.

I wasn't going to get anywhere. Sawyer, or whoever he was, had already blocked me out. It was like running as fast as you can, right into a brick wall. I'd risked any kind of friendship that I had to defend him, to talk to him, to sit here and let him ignore me. There was pain gradually returning to my chest. I wasn't sure if it was from nearly being crushed to death earlier, or if it had to do with my emotions. Either way, it hurt.

"Sawyer was a confidence man." He finally spoke up. "Romanced my momma to get to the money. Wiped 'em out clean, left the mess behind."

There was a look in his eyes, like he was watching the memory play itself out in his mind. I was starting to regret asking anything about the subject.

"I wrote that letter, knowing one day I'd find him." His eyes were heavy with an emotion somewhere deep down inside.

"I'm sor-" I whispered.

"Oh, that ain't the sad part." He cut me off with a sarcastic suspense in his voice. "When I was nineteen, I needed six grand to pay off these guys I was in trouble with. So, I found a pretty lady with a dumb husband who had some money. And I got him to give it to me."

The way he spoke, it was like there was shame. Maybe that human being wasn't buried as deep as Kate thought. But then, he turned away. His guard was coming back up.

"How's that for a tragedy? I became the man I was huntin'. I became Sawyer." His eyes averted out towards the waves again.

There was an expectant silence that followed, like he was waiting for me to say something. But I didn't know if anything I said after that would make anything better, so I stayed quiet.

"Go." He grumbled and leaned towards his left side like he was putting his back to me.

I went from a person he almost trusted, to a nobody. I didn't give him a chance to say it again. He'd gotten what I suppose he wanted, and I left empty handed.

I walked down the beach, feeling completely lost. Having no friends was one thing, but when Sawyer turned his back on me that was a another story. We'd both pushed each other away before, but this time it seemed harder to walk away. It was like a decision had to be made: either we stuck together, or we stayed out of each others way. No more fence riding. _What if, after this time, neither of us would come back? What if any connection that there had ever been between us was severed permanently?_


End file.
